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I posted here last July for the first time because I was struggling with how to deal with the needs of my dysfunctional family. I'm sure many of you dealing with these kinds of situations will not be surprised to know that little has changed. I'm here now because the situation really has reached its climax for me - either things change, or I have to find a way to leave ASAP.

Quick summary - both parents in late 70s, father has an autoimmune condition which causes problems with balance and walking and his "mind has started to go" (though he will never get tested). He has started to repeatedly fall for scams (nearly wired $500 to a scammer, got his computer hacked by giving access to someone over the phone, has gotten conned into giving ride to random person who then hit him up for money). You've never met someone in your life who has his head buried so deep in the sand - refuses to deal with reality. If anyone can give him a run for his money in that regard, it's my mother. After YEARS of trying, finally got her in to get tested and confirmed she has mild-moderate Alzheimer's. She's also as personality disordered as they come. Narcissistic, histrionic, obsessive compulsive, the consummate martyr and eternal victim. She's disgustingly emotionally manipulative and has made my life a nightmare. And my father has made it his life's work to enable her. My role is black sheep, scapegoat, and punching bag...oh, and the "adult".

About 4.5 years ago I moved "home" to get back on my feet after losing my job. What ended up happening is that I've gotten sucked into the black hole that my parents are. I've totally lost myself. I suffer from chronic depression and anxiety, and now add to that a level of anger that is absolutely killing me. I'm broke. I have no support from family, no friends nearby and those who were my friends have dropped off the map. And still I know, it can always get worse. That's what I'm trying to prevent right now. I really feel it's now or never.

Here's the deal. My mother's lifelong love and obsession and dysfunction is money. But the disease is catching up with her now and in the last 6 months she has started to forget to pay bills. Their cell phones were almost turned off the other day because she hadn't paid the bill since January. Every day is Groundhog Day, with her manipulating me into her psychodrama because she can't remember how to long into an account, doesn't know passwords, etc. I am so furious I refuse to continue like this. So I have put my foot down and said it is time for her to sign the POA and let me pay the bills. But she persists in her old ways and makes progress impossible. And my father will acknowledge privately to me I'm right, then five minutes later he'll be threatening to hit me and telling me to back off and leave him alone. They have no will, no medical advanced directive/POA, refuse to make arrangements to move to a community where they can transition to assisted living (which are at a minimum a year's wait to even get into). In my efforts to try to get them to turn over the bills, it has also become patently clear that they don't know what all their bills, assets, investments and insurance policies are. They don't know what they're for, can't find previous statements...it's appalling.

So I'd like to consider a hypothetical. What would happen if I left and left them to flounder? (Now, I'm not in a financial position to do this immediately, but if this is the best option, then I know I need to get creative and try to work something out). What happens when my mom's Alzheimer's worsens, her credit goes down the tubes, they haven't arranged for any care and there's no designated POA? Does this responsibility ultimately always come back to the children anyway? Because my fear has been that if I don't deal with this now, I'm going to have to take them to court later to get guardianship and I can't even stomach the thought. If all roads lead back to me, then I would rather push through now and figure out a way to get the POA signed at least.

Bottom line is, I need to save myself from this sinking ship. But once I've jumped ship, I don't want to still be roped to it. So can I leave them to wallow in their own mess, or do I need to get the POA and get them to commit to alternative living arrangements before I go if I really want to be free(er) of this and move on?

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upacreek, I can't find your post from last July so could you fill in a few more details. Do you have any siblings or are you an only child? Do your parents have siblings or other family or friends that may step up for them? I agree that usually these things come back to the family, but if you're not the only family, maybe it won't be you.

Also, you don't "have" to take them to court for guardianship, regardless of how bad their situation gets. But it sounds like your mother is relying on you a lot and if you leave, there may be a lot of phone calls from her trying to rope you back in. You can use her/their helplessness as a lever to get them to cough up a POA and maybe make some other changes, but not if you keep getting roped in and not using the power that you have. Good luck!
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I saw a book, this morning at Goodwill. I think that you need it. The 36 Hour Day.
I wish I would have gotten it and I would have sent it. (No scams) LOL
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Thanks Carla! Here's a link to my previous post if it helps: https://www.agingcare.com/questions/tough-love-or-tough-it-out-170110.htm

I do have one sibling - a brother who lives 9 hours away and is married with kids. He washed his hands of this awhile back. Most he'll do is reiterate to them that they need to get the will, POA, etc. taken care of, but he rarely sees them and has given up dealing with them. His opinion is I should leave and let them flounder and if we need to take them to court later, so be it. I do not want to do that. When I leave, I'd like them to be in a safe place with their bills being taken care of so that I can live my life as peacefully as possible and only interact with them as needed for brief periods of time. My brother does not have the same relationship with them that I do - they have always left him alone (he's 12 years older than me, from my mom's first marriage). So he's as disgusted as I am, but not as emotionally wrapped up in the dysfunction.

You make an astute observation about my mother and phone calls. She gets very "borderline" with me. She does nothing but criticize me but anytime I leave she stalks me by email and phone. ("I hate you!...don't leave me!") Has always been that way. She has always undermined my efforts to be happy and independent. So I anticipate if I leave she will do the same this time. That's another reason I kind of wanted the POA taken care of, as well as a spot reserved in assisted living. Because as long as I know they're taken care of, I don't need to respond to those gestures. I'm afraid if I leave them in a lurch, she'll use that against me and continue to call me repeatedly for help. My brother says "So what - don't pick up the phone". Spoken by someone who's never been stalked by a dysfunctional mom before. Whether I pick up the phone or not, it's absolutely psychologically damaging to endure this over and over again.

I did give my parents an ultimatum today - I told them if they don't agree to sign the POA and make living arrangements, I will not lift another finger to help them. No mowing the lawn, no cooking, no helping with bills, etc. They didn't respond. And I guarantee you tomorrow we'll have the same argument all over again. Like I said, Groundhog Day.
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@Chicago1954 That's so funny. Actually my mother's neurologist gave us that book on our way out after her last appointment! I have been so overwhelmed I didn't even pay attention to what she'd given us. Lord knows what my mom's done with it now!
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You can not begin to look at assisted living till you know what the parents financial situation is. I agree you should not leave till you make sure they are safe. You need to continue to take care of the practical things around the house and yard. Demand, don't ask for, all the paperwork and try and make whatever snce you can of it. Collect the mail yourself and keep all the bills,bank statements etc as soon as they come. Tell Mom to hand over the check book and write the checks and have Mom sign them. Within a month you will know what is overdue and what the income is and you can start from there.
Who does the shopping and how is that paid for? Are they giving you any money for your own needs? Is Dad still safe to be driving? you may need to call in adult protective services to get this all sorted out. What are your plans if you walk out?
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Save yourself. Even if you were to do what's best for them, they will be unhappy. I would not lift another finger. Save money, move out, get therapy and don't look back. The will become wards of the state and the state will provide for them.
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You have a very nice fantasy of what you want for your parents - what everyone would want - but it does not look like it is going to happen. If family does not step forward, the state takes over and looks after them. Frankly I think you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and get independent financially, and I would think for your own sanity, get your own place. I think your brother has the right idea. We see many cases here where it has to get worse before it gets better because stubborn, mentally ill/demented parents will not listen to sound advice. My mother has borderline personality disorder so I know what that is like. You do not have to answer phone calls no matter how many a day. Your choice, not an easy one always, but still your choice. Being dependent on your parents for financial support puts you in a very bad position.

You gave an ultimatum. No need to argue - just stick to it if you think it is the best thing. You could contact your local agency on aging for ideas and also APS for an evaluation of your parent's ability to live alone. You can tell them (APS) that you are unable to give your parents the care they need and move out into a shelter and get your own life back on track. Realise it is going to get worse as they decline. Good luck and blessings.
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I should add that being dependent on your parents for financial support is not good. Being paid by them for your services is good.
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If they are not paying the bills and will not let you help.. let the non essential ones get shut off.. cell phone, cable, everything but mortgage related things like electric/insurance. Then when the get PO;d.. tell them you offered and they refused. If they want it back,, they sign the dang papers! It may get boring with no TV, Phone, computer.. but you tried and they may need this wake up call.
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Thank you to everyone for your comments and suggestions. I've been weighing them all carefully.

@emjo23 Your point about being paid by them for my services is a great one.

Right now, here's what I'm thinking. Like @veronica91 said, I'm going to have to collect the information myself because they're not going to do a thing. Unfortunately my mother is the gatekeeper to some of these accounts (checking and savings, of note), so without her cooperation to give me login information, I won't be able to do this. But I'm leaning toward collecting info for all the bills I can find, and putting together the POA and including a specification that I should be paid a fee for certain services (e.g., tax returns, business-related meetings, travel expenses, etc.). I will consult an elder care attorney as necessary to make sure I've done it correctly. Then I will present this to them. If they refuse, I will not provide any further assistance to them and will focus on getting out of the house immediately (I don't have a plan for this). And in the meantime @pamzimmrrt I agree with you that I'm not going to help remind them of bills unless and until they agree to cooperate. If they agree, then I will proceed with the POA duties and in the meantime shift my focus to making enough money to get out asap.

IF I can get them to agree to sign it, I know another hurdle I have is co-managing finances while they are still competent. My mother uses money as a tool for manipulation. They do still pay some of my bills which is a problem and is something I'm actively working on eliminating as quickly as possible, but I've been unable to focus on my own career because I'm perpetually drawn into their problems. But even if they weren't giving me some money, my mother's obsession with money is a barrier to being POA. She is absolutely obsessed with her accounts and what has been spent. She is the type who needs to make my nieces and nephews feel guilty for gifts she buys them ("Do you know how expensive that is? What a lucky child you are - I never had anything like that."). When she comes back from the grocery, she obsessively examines receipts and repeats to everyone that the chicken cost $13, and the price of water went up 30 cents, etc. It is this obsession that eats up a huge amount of my time because she "needs" a sounding board. And she has said that if I'm going to pay the bills, she wants me to write down in her little notebook how much was paid. And she still wants to log in to her accounts to see (except she can't remember her logins and I spend an inordinate amount of time dealing with this). So I have said I refuse to do that. If I take over the bills, it's because I need to free up my time - not to continue to feed her obsession. So I can keep repeating this to her, but I'm not sure it's ever going to change. And I can't afford anymore to fill my days with the same arguments.

As for the living arrangements, I know they would have to sell their house to pay for any alternate housing. They're not yet "incompetent", but they aren't able to manage this house without me taking care of things. There's a local community here that offers independent housing options, from which you can be transitioned into assisted living and nursing home care as needed. They have lots of friends there and like it, but it's not cheap. The estimated value of the sale of their house would cover four years or so there. But you can't go straight into assisted living from the community. And it will be almost a year before a home is available to move into. I keep stressing to them that they can't wait until they're incompetent because there won't be anywhere nice to go. But they don't listen. I guess at this point, I'll just focus on the POA and take @Babalou's advice about getting myself financially independent and moving out. Their future living arrangements are in their hands.
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I know this is a rather duplictous route to getting access but it worked for me in the UK I hasten to add. Mum didnt want me to have access to her money and believe me when it comes to money she is tight. We agreed that she would pay for my food and accommodation - she still demands I pay rent - I dont and I wont not in a million. I gave up my work my home and my life - that is about all I am prepared to give up

I wanted to talk to the bank about Mums accounts. I wasn't POA then and they wouldnt talk to me - fair enough. Once I was POA they still made it difficult until I said something that gave them food for thought. All I said was Mum has given me all her passwods and sewcurity detail so I dont really need you do I? All I am trying to do is work properly with you.

Oddly enough a manager came on the line tried to berate me for having the passwords and was quite surprised when I calmly called him a complete and utter idiot with less sense than my mother who has dementia. Once I had shut him up he listened to me and I explained the situation. I did still need the POA but there is an alternative - they could make you a signitor on their chequing account with your parents agreement and you probably can do that on the phone if they can remember their security details. Alternatively they could add your name to their account - it would still be their money but you could act for them.
Or you could tell them to get on with it
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@JudeAH53 Good point about the banks! I have heard that they can be a real pain to negotiate as POA (utility companies, as well). I think I will suggest them adding me to their account so I am able to sign and endorse checks without a hassle. It's difficult enough dealing with my parents - don't need the bank giving me a hard time too!
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Oh they will all give you a hard time - I swear its the only pleasure they have. However they arent keen on you bursting into tears in the main section of their concourse which I did in one place. They were just being so difficult and I was just so tired I burst into floods of tears. Amazing how helpful they were after that too.
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Be very careful about adding your name to others accounts. It can make you responsible for debts you have yet to discover.
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@JudeAH53 Oh I complete relate. I feel I'm always on the verge of tears or yelling lately. At least they weren't totally soulless and found it within them to help you after that!

@Veronica91 Good point. I think there's a way to add yourself/make yourself a signatory without being responsible for the account. I know that is possible with my parents' credit cards at least. Will have to investigate the others.
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If you are just a signatory then I am pretty sure you're not responsible for the debts. If on the other hand you are a joint account holder - then this is very different. If in doubt make sure IN WRITING before you act. Always always always get assertions in writing - you never know when you may need them
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Thanks, Jude. Great advice.

I have to say the deeper I get into this, the more anxiety I am feeling and I'm questioning whether it's the right decision. As I type this, my mother is downstairs putting on hysterics because she has (yet again) logged onto her bank account and has discovered 2 check deductions she doesn't recognize. Now, I know exactly what they are. But she has no clue. She went and paid them in person to the bank and phone company about 4 days ago. But she didn't record them. So she went and found the checks missing from her checkbook and - among the possible explanations she gave to my father - one of them was that perhaps I took the checks!! I mean...is she seriously suggesting I stole 2 checks and forged her signature for the amounts of $37.68 and $26.16?! Now, both she and my father know doggone well I did not and would not do that. But this is an example of what my mom does - blames her mistakes or confusion on others, especially me. So this is my concern - if I take over POA and bill paying, she's going to scrutinize every little thing. And, given that she is easily confused and it's only going to get worse, there's no doubt in my mind she's going to question every payment, every withdrawal, you name it. I'm highly concerned she's going to accuse me repeatedly. Should I do this? I'm very very concerned about what I'm getting myself into.
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If you are planning to stay and care for the parents you do have to take over complete control of the finances. It either has to be you or someone. Yes she is going to acuse you, have hysterics, threaten even call the police so it is essential that you keep imaculate records, even down to the grocery store receipts so that you can prove you really did spend that $100 on food. Is she still driving? sounds as though that might need to be the next thing to stop. As you are so quickly learning you have chosen a very rough path to follow so try and plan ahead to line up all the help you can get. You have signed up for quite a few years of this as others will tell you. Take care of your health which means regular Dr visits and get anything done that you may have been postponing because there will come a time when you can not leave them home alone. see an elder care lawyer and have him draw up a legal agreement to cover any eventuality and the POA documents both health and financial and have them both make living wills. This won't be easy and may need several trips to the lawyer. Make the first one alone so you can clearly explain the situation and what your expectations are. No one likes to give up control and Mom sounds especially unreasonable but if you are going to do this do it right or bail out now.
If you can think of them as some kind of clients rather than your parents it may be helpful. if you have a close friend to confide in he/she will help you find a reasonable path. if you don't have anyone in your life create an imaginary one and when frustration overwhelms as this friend what they would do ot write your questions down. Come here often there are plenty of people at different stages of the same journey who may wish they had started out differently.
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Thanks Veronica. To be clear, I am not planning on staying in my parents' house and caring for them until the end. I cannot do it. It's already been nearly 5 years in this house (plus a lifetime of nearly 40 years of manipulation and dysfunction) and it is absolutely kiling me - not because of their health, but because of their personality disordered behavior. But apart from me needing to extract myself from this dysfunctional relationship, I also literally cannot afford to continue to give up my life for them. I have devoted all my time to them so now I have no career, no money, no life! I have made this clear to them - that they need to make alternate arrangements for care, and they agree, but then of course they refuse to make any decisions even if I do the research and lay all their options out on the table.

At any rate, the primary reason I wanted to get POA was because my time currently is being eaten up largely by my mother's problems with money and bills. So I thought if I could at least take that over, I could give myself some time and space to work more and save up money. But as I said, I am seeing that her manipulative and obsessive personality is determined not to let that happen. Even if I do take over the bills, she's going to eat up my time with incessant monitoring, questions and accusations. I cannot afford to let this happen. What will happen to me?! I'll be homeless and broke and alone. They don't care. All they care about is themselves. So I have to care about myself because nobody else will. And believe me, I have put in so much time and effort with them. I have done everything I can to get them on the right track, but they undermine all my efforts.

At this point I'm wondering if a 3rd party POA would be a better option. Someone not enmeshed in this family dysfunction, and whom my mother doesn't think she can manipulate so easily. I honestly don't want to abandon them, and I do want them cared for, but I can't let this continue or seriously I will be up a creek!
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I keep a spreadhseet with absoutely everything on it. And I keep a box with the receipts in. Do I keep them in order? Nope! but they are all there every one
and if anyone wants to check - crack on
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I'm prepared to keep good records so it's not so much that I'm worried about legitimately getting in trouble. It's more to do with the time and emotional drain of dealing with my mother's incessant checking of things, her histrionic fits, and accusations. She's absolutely draining and I can't afford the time suck. I need to have the space to become financially independent, and I can't do it with my mother anywhere near the vicinity.
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up - as you are seeing, just because you are being reasonable, organized and and honest about money does not mean your mother will be any different. I very much doubt that she is capable of being reasonable, so regardless of what you do she is going to behave the same as she has been. I believe that with the degree of dysfunction between your two parents a 3rd party, non family would be the best choice. The trouble is that a POA is for your parents to appoint - if they are competent - not for you to decide. And it does not sound like that is what they want.The alternative is for them to continue until they are deemed incompetent and then the state can take over. If you are POA you will not extract yourself from the dysfunction - believe me, I know.

Yes, you have to look after yourself. Leaving them at this stage to experience the consequences of their choices is not abandoning them. It may be the only way help can be brought in. Contact APS and the agency on aging and find out what is possible. Get a job and get yourself set up as they are going down in flames and you don't want to go down with them. Keep in contact with them and agencies and be the family "go to" person, but at a distance for now. Have all your efforts to date helped them? Has being there helped you? Think about it!
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Thanks so much @emjo23. It's taken me a long time but I see that it's not that my efforts aren't good enough - it's that no amount of help will ever change them. And I see first hand that the way they behave privately with me is atrocious but they do work hard to save face with professionals. So I think a 3rd party POA would ultimately be a better choice for them. You're right though - it's their choice. So I think my priority right now will be to distance myself as much as possible, work on getting my own finances and career together, while reiterating to them what their options are. If I can't change them, I can at least change myself. I really don't want to play this dysfunctional role any more, and I don't want to enable them to keep playing either.
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Save yourself some aggravation. Put a notebook beside the computer and itemize all the logins and passwords for the various accounts. Make a copy of it and keep it in a fireproof safe. Even I am having to do that. It seems that there are more and more things to try to memorize and it's harder and harder to do so.

As you go through paperwork and find important paperwork regarding investments or insurance, place those in the firesafe as well. Eventually you may have it all organized and in one place. Keep their marriage license in there and passports as well. Any military paperwork (discharge) should be in there too. Make a list of important papers and make it a scavenger hunt with your parents. See who can find the most.
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upacreek, I was in your position. I made my mother sign the papers reluctantly and she would only sign the one on do not resuscitate (She 's planning on living forever) but would not do the POA-Financial or Medical it but I filled the out for her. And so when the time came and she needed the help to get into an assisted living home I was all she had for help and she was in the ICU. So I just got the Notary to come into the hospital when she was back in real live world and had her sign them to get her out of the hospital because she didn't want to stay there. Bad timing but she at least knew what they papers were because she had seen them before (like every year for 6 years) until it was evident that she was not going to go be able to live on her own. I took care of everything for her. I took care of all the paperwork got her into an Assisted Living center, Medicaid, Physical therapy doctors appointments. By myself. Did I get a thank you from the relatives her sisters and brother or any one no. But I sure got a lot of criticism from all of them after she was settled and she was there. I put her there and took away everything from her. And I've been paying for it ever since I got her there. To do over again at this point. I wish I could have been 5 minutes faster at getting to her apartment and being able to talk to the Emergency Room doctor before the intubated her. If I had the chance I would have given them the document that she signed and stated she did not want any of that done. And it would be over. I know that she was not ready to leave this world yet. But I wish I could have. It would have alleviated the hell I have been through after getting her into Assisted living from them. So I saved her, ruined my health, lost a lot of time and sanity, relationship with my husband, and lost relationships with my relatives, killed my car, gained a dog I hate, more money I have to pay out for her care because believe me Medicaid does not cover it. And she has never been appreciative about any of it. She is just as nasty to me now as ever. She calls me everyday and asks me what day of the week it is. what time it is, do we go to the doctor today. She was using the computer and everyday I would get the calls about how do I do this and I can't make it work. Forgot my password, etc. where is word at. So I said no to a computer in the new place (my brother actually agreed with me on that thought anyway) but they went out and got her one anyway after I said I would not be her assistant and they could troubleshoot her problems from across the country. Yesterday it was can you hook me up to the network so I can use it? Can you show me how? I said no call and talk to them how to work it. I have a degree in IT and have been doing this for 25 years so of course everyone has previously called me for assistance on their computers. For the first time in 5 years while she was there she was actually going out and talking to the table mates and others in the complex. She was walking around and actually finally looking better than before (probably because they made her quit drinking) because of new medicines she is on. I think that right there has been the life saver. Now after the doctors appointment yesterday she thinks she is perfectly healthy and fine and there was no problem with her at all, the doctors and the hospital made it up. Yet she couldn't tell me where we were or what we had just done that day. The dementia is getting worse and there is nothing I can do about it. But she can rip me up one side and down the other and think it is okay. But it is not. I'm going to save myself while I have a chance and I will pay her Assisted living payments each month and other payments. As long as she doesn't take any money out of the account and she has just enough for the assisted living payment. If she starts taking it out of the account then doesn't have enough to pay the assisted living. She is my brother or my aunts and uncles problem not mine. My best advice, save yourself. If she and your dad have treated you that badly and will not come up with a caretaker agreement plan to pay you for their care. Get out and get out fast.
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@guesswho4you My mom heard they were offering a FREE advanced directive meeting at the local senior center and FREE was the key word apparently. (Funny me paying the bills and preparing the POA free of charge didn't have the same appeal to her). She and my father have an appointment tomorrow morning and I'm dreading it. Because a) I can't imagine them actually making all the necessary decisions in the context of one meeting and b) that means when they come home I'm going to have my day eaten up with misinterpretations and ruminations and indecisions. And then we'll likely be back at denial (death, what death?) where we started.

I'm really moved by your situation. It hits very close to home. Especially the IT background...I used to do IT-related work and here I've been the network specialist for years. And it's quite possibly the most infuriating part of caregiving for me. The viruses, the forgotten passwords, them incessantly saying their computers have been hacked when actually it's just that they don't know how to use it...it's maddening.

My parents scoff at the cost of the independent living community that feeds into the assisted living community in our neck of the woods. Of course there are cheaper options, but they could *never* slum it like that. Those apartments and companion suites are way too small (and half the cost but who's counting, right?)! Why move into a retirement/assisted living community when the house is paid for, right? No reason to let a little thing like Alzheimer's force you into an unnecessary move.

And I'm particularly sorry about all the family criticism you've received. It is so infuriating to receive judgment from people who have never been primarily responsible for care. I've only got one close family member - my brother - and I updated him days ago about what's been going on and he hasn't even bothered to respond. So for me the issue is primarily lack of support, and then when he or my sis-in-law bother to call, the criticism comes. They feel no guilt, no responsibility. Talk to me like I'm an idiot.

Amazing how these experiences reveal your true friends and family. I personally have none, but, good to know nonetheless.
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First of all, stop blaming your Mother because you are still allowing her to suck you into HER drama. I am an only child so when this began happening with my parents, I have never faced such a difficult time in my life. But I learned real quick, with therapy, that I could not force what they would not do. I just stopped jumping every time the phone rang. Have I felt guilt? You bet. But deep inside I know I did what was best. And eventually when everything went all to h___, I was strong enough to step in and help where it was needed. Again, I could not have set such strong boundaries and been able to take care of myself had it not been for therapy.
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Yes, "bottom line, I need to save myself."
Advice, "you need to save yourself."
Detach with love. You cannot do that while living there or while being
financially dependent. You can check on their welfare after you move out.
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Have you asked your psychiatrist/therapist what his/her thought(s) are?

Can they help you with this by getting in touch with sources they may have?
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Boy, don't know how you've all lasted this long. Guess Who, don't understand why u r paying anything. Is it because ur Mom is in Asst. Living and not long term nursing care? Maybe when she gets worse, u can switch her over. I would change my phone number and only call her. Block it so no one gets it. I agree, ur brother bought her the computer, let him deal with it.

Up the creek, I would see if you could get a lawyer to gie u a consultation for free. I would tell him what u r going thru and find out ur options. You could start with your counties office of the aging and parents doctors. A human can only take so much. You may have to allow them to hit bottom before u can do anything legally. May have to put them in the hands of the state. Wouldn't want guardianship under these circumstances.

I had my Mom put me as a contact for her bills in case she wasn't paying them.

We shouldn't have to give up every part of our lives for our parents. When they start effecting our relationships then its time for an assisted living/nursing facility. They may end up being happier.
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