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I have no other family to help and dad refuses any outside help. I recently hired a caregiver for a few hours so I could attend an event. Dad lives in our guest house and he locked the deadbolt so she couldn't get in. I haven't had a break for three years and I am at my breaking point. No amount of talking or reasoning has helped. We even attended counseling with no luck. What am I to do?

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Time for tough love. Make a list of all the things you do for your Dad, write down everything.... now take that list and cross off half the items, and then some. Ok, Dad, here is what I can do for you. And don't stray from that list, dig your heels in

Bet your Mom or his wife had spoiled him, and I wouldn't be surprised so did his own Mom. Since you are female he expects you to do everything. He can learn.

My Dad is 93 and has mobility issues, too.... My Mom [97] not long ago finally taught Dad to use the vacuum... to heat up food in the microwave.... how to use the washing machine.... how to wash dishes.... and how to clean up the rug when he makes messes.
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I know how you feel mom will only walk for me ughhh
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You need to get someone he will listen to - a minister, friend or even his doctor. They need to tell him you can no longer do this all alone. It is either have someone come in or he goes to a nursing home. That may well be the best place for him. Next time he has to go to the hospital, tell social services you are no longer able to care for him. They will not send him home but find a facility that will take him. It sounds cruel but your health is at stake and he needs to understand this. May not like it but it is the reality.

So sorry you are having to go through this. It seems lots of elderly play this game with their children and I just don't understand. What will happen to him if you get sick and need care yourself? He will definitely have to be placed at that time. We don't want that but if you keep on, it may well be the case. You have to take care of yourself. Remove that deadbolt! How would you get in if he needed help and couldn't open the door?

Another idea, many NH or ASL offer respite care. Plan a week away and tell Dad he is going on a mini vacation for a week. Do not take NO for an answer. Good luck. You are going to have to stand your ground and set boundaries.
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Remove the deadbolt. Be present for the first few visits, so he cannot lock her out. Ask the MD to provide medications for his anxiety and give them an hour or so before the help arrives. Give him time to get used to this person and be quite frank in telling him it's either this or move to a care facility. Explain to him that you are not young either, be firm.
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