I need to move my Mom out soon. I'm going crazy. Any advice?

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She has no money except Social Security. She has jewelry that could help for assisted living but she won't sell it. I'm at the end of my rope. We are fighting all the time. She has to go. I need some help. Please.

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Dontask4handout, do you realize this thread is 3 years old?
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I happen to be an advocate for certain groups of people and I must say that you can't force her to sell her jewelry if she doesn't want to, that's her right. Coercion of and pressuring our elders is exactly how they get taken advantage of all the time. People pressure and coerce our elders to sell or somehow dispose of valuables they don't want to get rid of and I say right now that's what's going on, and I strongly suspect this is probably a very high likelihood of why you're fighting, this has a lot to do with it, I suspect it. I saw a very sad story of elder coercion on YouTube and now I see what goes on in secret and how people end up with the property rightfully belong in to our elders. When they stand up to someone trying to get something from them, this is where the fight starts and I don't blame our elders who are still able to stand up for themselves

She has Social Security and you're not entitled to it unless she's paying you rent to live there. If she's paying rent, she has a right to a reasonable allowance just to warn you of that. As a legal resident though, you'll have to go through a proper eviction process to get her evicted. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she actually starts hiding her jewelry and maybe even put it in a bank's safety deposit box and away from you. I would also be very combative if someone was after my valuables and trying to get me to sell them when I don't want to, so I don't blame her for trying to protect herself the only way she knows how. You may try getting her into her own apartment somewhere if you don't want her living there. You may contact the local area on aging and even the APS if necessary but you cannot make her sell her jewelry if she doesn't want to because it's her property. You don't know that she might not have a will that protects that jewelry or some other type of arrangement. You don't know that jewelry may not have already been promised to someone else when she's gone, which may very well be why she's keeping it and I don't blame her if she already has plans for it. Why sell something if you already planned to give it to specific people when you're gone? That's what the will is for, so stop trying to make herself something she may actually have a will to cover or some other plans to give it to someone when she's gone, it's not your right or position to make that decision, it's hers, so let her be, drop it and move on. If you can't live with her, you can establish her an apartment somewhere if she's able to live on her own, and let her take her jewelry with her because you don't know that she don't have a will in probate or some other form of legal protection and she may have promised that jewelry to someone else when she's gone
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I just would like to address the term "medi cal". This is what the State of California officially terms its Medicaid system. Each state usually has a unique name/different name for what is basically Medicaid, or the program or "care" that kicks in to help pay for things for which Medicare does not, the most important being nursing home care. This usually only happens when any assets, in the name of or being held by the senior in question ,have been used up, down to the last $2000 level. You can contact your local County Social Services Office or its Council on Aging and they will get the process started for you.
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GayleV medi cal is California's insurance program for low income people thru alliance. You must be eligible according to the guidelines. Sorry it took me so long to answere but my sister and I have been so busy with our mom who just had a stroke and is now in a rehab center.
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Do they have Good Samaritan living communities in CA? They have a few in FL and some have low-income approved units. My Mom has only SS and it looks as if she will be able to live at the place we selected on her own small income. I find the websites and referral sites don't know much when it comes to low-income options. You have to keep looking and asking. It's exhausting on top of everything else!

Also, an elder law attorney is wonderful. Again, we took my Mom's meager income and huge debt to one and they made a living will, DPOA, etc. for a fee but not a high one. Our big concern was protecting us kids from financial obligations that no one can handle or from Mom's horrible credit. Well worth the time and fee.
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Medi cal is Medicaid in California, Most places it is Medicaid which can cover what Medicare doesn't.
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NanatoNanny, wow, great thinking!! And Rhodycanes great ideas! And DKOBrown, thanks! I have a hard time just thinking about myself, let alone how to deal with someone else. Your thoughts are appreciated.
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Dear Mickey07, your mad and you meant to get her attention, but caregiving is a huge challenge. And some of us just mentally cannot carry on as normal, when the parent is suffering from mental deficits, like dementia. It's just not so easy to say, it's your Mother, take care of her. No one can take constant abuse. And the parent may not even realize they are abusive. It's exhausting and one can really suffer mentally, physically, and especially, emotionally, try to be the good child. Rethink your comment. It was harsh.
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If your fighting all the time, maybe you need to find someone to talk to. A counselor, a minister, someone who can help you step back and take a look at the situation. Is your mother doing well mentally or is she beginning to have dementia? You need information about dementia to help you understand her. The eldercare lawyer is probably your best bet for best advice, but you will have to take care of the paperwork in order to take care of her. If she is still mentally capable, then you both need someone to listen and help you figure this out. She may be scared. Certainly, no one want to give up control of their lives, but at some point, most people have no choice and it's scary.
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Nana2Nanny made some very good points. Some of us are dealing with a parent who is abusive (and may have been mean even before old age). That can be a very different situation than caring for a sweet-as-pie parent. I like the approach of turning it around to be in the PARENTs' best interest to change the arrangement also.

I want to add that I have established a good relationship with the executive director of my local Alzheimer's Association. I stopped in to talk to her today about my mom's situation and she gave good advice. "If the caretaker's health & well-being are suffering" because of the arrangement, the "caretaker's responsibility is to deal with her own health needs." She said there are many parent--"adult child" relationships SAVED because the parent went to live under another roof, but what kind of relationship is there if the adult child cannot visit because her own mental or physical health has crashed? My MOTHER or not, I certainly cannot enjoy being with her if I grow resentful and burnt out.

Best wishes and prayers for blessings to all of you.
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