She has no money except Social Security. She has jewelry that could help for assisted living but she won't sell it. I'm at the end of my rope. We are fighting all the time. She has to go. I need some help. Please.
californiagirl, what kind of care does your mother need? I see in your profile that her main impairment is diabetes. That can cover a wide range of disabilities, from almost none to severe disability.
Would your mom be able to live independently? You mention assisted living. What kind of assistance does she need?
You cannot force her to sell jewelry or other assets. You cannot insist she move to assisted living. But you can determine who lives in your house. You can say that she can't live with you. If you are firm about that, then she has to make other arrangements.
One way you can help her is start the contact with your county's Social Services department. Ask for a needs assessment. (Be present when this takes place. Elderly parents are not always very realistic when reporting their own skills and needs.) Social Services can explain options to Mom and you can help her follow up on what seems realistic. Social Services will also know of programs Mom might be qualified for. You could help Mom apply.
Just be VERY clear with Mom and with social workers and with every one you talk to that Mom cannot continue to live with you. You are willing to help her find other options, but your house is not an option.
If she is the widow of a WWII vet, or other war, she may get assistance from the VA. A good facility will help you with the financials. A widow of a war veteran can get up to $1113 per month.
Debcajan, you need to post your own question under a new post so people can answer you there. It's not kosher to hijack another person's personal posting with a problem of your own. People will be glad to help, but post it it separately. Peace.
You need to get her on medi cal. If she needs skilled nursing or assisted living medi care doesn't pay. I found this out the hard way. My sister and I are waiting for her medi cal to come thru. Our mother is no longer a good candidate for home care. She's uncooperative, combative, can hardly walk, and refuses to drink fluids, and eats very little. No one wants to help us because she has no money and only medi care. I had no idea money was such an issue even when someone is indangering themselves and others. Apparently it is. We are blown away, burnt out, and done. Still no one will help us without medi cal. If your mom has another secondary insurance or plan for her at this stage then this is not applicable to you. Just letting you know what our experience has been. Good luck, d
Wow guys... 1. Being rude is not going to help anyone. 2. Don't make people feel stupid for making suggestions. 3. Don't ostracize people who are new to the site and just need help. I was not the victim this time but, it sure pisses me off when bully know-it-all kinda folks intimidate our fellow caregivers,
I agree pamstegman- when I moved mom in she was very ill. I spent 6 months 24/7 nursing her and tended every need. When she got well she became demanding, mean and impossible. She would beat her cane on the wall and scream obscene words. She would tell me I couldn't go out with my husband at night because she felt I was exhausted and needed rest. She refused to let me bring anyone in for a break. She viewed me as a 16 year child. If she didn't like what I cooked she would hand it back with a demand as if I was a short order cook. After 2 years my health physically and mentally declined. I called social services and they gave me a list of suggestions and possible assistance. Since she refused outside help coming in- I changed strategy and told her she deserved her own life and friends and I felt I was holding her back- I made it all about her and never once implied I NEEDED HER OUT! In all instances with the elderly- swallow your pride. Smile- we do love them but face it- most of them become emotionally abusive- they are in so much pain and fear that they unload on us. If you are one of the lucky ones and your parent is sweet as pie- this isn't the place to judge because- take a look around the questions- most here have breaking hearts because their parents with age related mental problems ate downright abusive- so sad but true. And then there is the financial burdens. Be nice, be compassionate please!
Dear Mickey07, your mad and you meant to get her attention, but caregiving is a huge challenge. And some of us just mentally cannot carry on as normal, when the parent is suffering from mental deficits, like dementia. It's just not so easy to say, it's your Mother, take care of her. No one can take constant abuse. And the parent may not even realize they are abusive. It's exhausting and one can really suffer mentally, physically, and especially, emotionally, try to be the good child. Rethink your comment. It was harsh. +
Do they have Good Samaritan living communities in CA? They have a few in FL and some have low-income approved units. My Mom has only SS and it looks as if she will be able to live at the place we selected on her own small income. I find the websites and referral sites don't know much when it comes to low-income options. You have to keep looking and asking. It's exhausting on top of everything else!
Also, an elder law attorney is wonderful. Again, we took my Mom's meager income and huge debt to one and they made a living will, DPOA, etc. for a fee but not a high one. Our big concern was protecting us kids from financial obligations that no one can handle or from Mom's horrible credit. Well worth the time and fee.
Would your mom be able to live independently? You mention assisted living. What kind of assistance does she need?
You cannot force her to sell jewelry or other assets. You cannot insist she move to assisted living. But you can determine who lives in your house. You can say that she can't live with you. If you are firm about that, then she has to make other arrangements.
One way you can help her is start the contact with your county's Social Services department. Ask for a needs assessment. (Be present when this takes place. Elderly parents are not always very realistic when reporting their own skills and needs.) Social Services can explain options to Mom and you can help her follow up on what seems realistic. Social Services will also know of programs Mom might be qualified for. You could help Mom apply.
Just be VERY clear with Mom and with social workers and with every one you talk to that Mom cannot continue to live with you. You are willing to help her find other options, but your house is not an option.
1. Being rude is not going to help anyone.
2. Don't make people feel stupid for making suggestions.
3. Don't ostracize people who are new to the site and just need help.
I was not the victim this time but, it sure pisses me off when bully know-it-all kinda folks intimidate our fellow caregivers,
+
Also, an elder law attorney is wonderful. Again, we took my Mom's meager income and huge debt to one and they made a living will, DPOA, etc. for a fee but not a high one. Our big concern was protecting us kids from financial obligations that no one can handle or from Mom's horrible credit. Well worth the time and fee.
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