Mom has moderate stage Alzheimer's and just recently began to wander. We are weighing the options regarding either 1) having her come to live with me with a care companion helping out; 2) staying in her home with a caregiver who comes in daily or lives in; or 3) placing her in a Memory Care Facility. Mom denies having Alzheimer's and refuses to consider any of these options because "she still has plenty of sense and can handle her own business." I have Medical POA and her doctor has written a letter saying she no longer has the capacity to make reasonable decision regarding her care. My question is how do you get a parent through the transition from living independently to having full-time care? She becomes very combative and angry when these things come up. Do you just make the decision and go ahead with it? Do you continue to try to make her understand? I would appreciate any guidance you might have.

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Mom went into the hospital twice in 1 month because of undiagnosed CHF. Until then she lived alone but had a housekeeper 3 times a week to clean & cook. When I took her home I took a leave of absence & stayed 24/7. I told her the doctor legally stated she needed to either be in a facility or home with 24hr care. She was angry, she’d tell me it wasn’t necessary. I told her I was doing it to help her stay in her own home. I started to increase housekeepers hours, next I hired 1 caretaker at a time. Each new person, I explained legally doctors orders or she would go to a home & I could go to jail. It will be 2 years next month & I have 5 part time caregivers. It isn’t perfect & some days she’s still angry but resigned. My advice is blame the doctors & the law.
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Reply to Momshelp
freqflyer Feb 11, 2019
Momshelp, I remember telling my Dad that Mom needed around the clock caregivers or I could go to jail for neglect. Dad said "I will hire a good lawyer"... [sigh].

My Mom shooed out the caregiver after only 3 days. So I had to back off since my parents [in their 90's] were still of clear enough minds. Had to wait for that other shoe to drop, which it did. Sadly, my Mom was seriously injured in a fall and spent her final months in long-term-care.
Trying to get a dementia patient to understand reason is sort of like teaching a pig to fly.

Get and take advice from the MC people about how to best handle this situation. Do NOT take her into your home. Get a geriatric psychiatrist on board so that staff has meds in place for agitation.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

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