She is becoming angry and hostile. She lives alone and has been able to take care of herself but I'm concerned that she may hurt herself or someone else. She refuses to take advice from any of us and will not allow us to be involved with her situation. She will not even have a civil conversation with any of us. I'm lost, I wish I could wash my hands of her, she has been abusive for a long time. If anyone has any idea how I can handle this situation I would greatly appreciate hearing from anyone. I feel confused, concerned and kind of desperate.
The late Elisabeth Kubler Ross wrote about this last stage outside of the five stages of the death and dying. The constant anger that someone feels when knowing that they will never recover and this state of being is as good as it gets.
In order for me to keep doing the type of work that I'm doing, I put myself in the other person's shoes. I know this answer isn't much help, but I'm just trying to put this in perspective since I wrestle with my emotions dealing with these types. Bullies and abusers never developed into people that can analyze their behavior or were open to suggestions to improve their coping mechanisms to situations and circumstances. Instead they learned to lash out, verbally abuse and physically abuse. They never developed empathy for the other person they are hurting since they believe that others are just extensions of themselves. Everyone is included and extends to spouses, children, health care workers and etc.
Fast forward to the later years age ninety and above, just pray for them and leave them in the hands of a Higher Power.
You do not need to stick around someone to be abused sick or not. When we leave, there is someone else that will pick up where we left off. Once we realize these folks never cared, we can move on without guilt.
Report her to the state where she lives through APS as a senior in need. Let them know you cannot intervene in her care as she is uncooperative and always was. You cannot act for someone in this condition, so this isn't a matter of choice but of acceptance of the facts.
Thinking of you. 😊