When she has problems finding the right words to use, I give her time to find them and then I fill in the words for her. She gets angry and tells me to stop helping her, I’ve waited a minute or more at times and she’s still trying to say what she wants to say. Conversations are hard with her because she doesn’t remember what we’ve been talking about when I comment back to her.
She also wants help with house and yard chores. Two of my sisters who live 45 minutes away get frequent calls from her, two of us live out of state, and she demands that they drop everything and come help her. She calls them at work and they tell her that they can come on Saturday or Sunday afternoons to help and her response is always, “You know me, I want it done when I want it done and you girls will get a lot of money when I die, you owe it to me to help when I ask.”
She does expect my sister and myself to fly to her immediately to help. We are both teachers and cannot just take time off and go. We both have gone during breaks and during the summers to help her start the process of reducing what she has, at her insistence, so if she wants to move from her home of 40 years, it will be easier. When we get there, she has changed her mind and says, “I don’t want to get rid of anything and I’m never leaving my home.” So we’re left sitting at home with her watching television and visiting with her. We cannot go anywhere because she refuses to let us drive her car. She’s been told not to drive by her doctor several times and tells her that she won’t, but she does. She not a bad driver when she goes six blocks to her grocery store and her bank. None of us are comfortable with riding with her. We’ve both gone on two separate occasions and have had the same experience both times.
Shes always been manipulative and pits each of her four daughters against each other, and she lies and always has. Three of us caught on quickly after we were married, but one still believes everything she says and argues with us about why we’re not taking better care of mom.
She is in perfect health. My two sisters who live near her go to her doctor’s appointments and at 87, her doctor tells her that she’s very healthy, but has memory issues. She agrees with her doctor, but when she’s out of the office she maintains that she can drive and doesn’t have a problem with her memory.
Help us to live peaceably with her. I call her every other day, my other sister that lives in another state, doesn’t call her very often. The other two have been run ragged and are running out of patience.