Just a thought -- leave the room or even just his sight for a few minutes, then when you return act like everything is normal.
I found that when my mother would get agitated about something, sometimes leaving her sight for a few minutes allowed her brain to reset, and when you came back, it was as though a new day had started.
I wouldn't get into relationships with him, however. It became clear after a while that my mother thought she was in high school again, so there was no way she had a daughter -- much less one that was 60 years old -- when she believed herself to be only about sixteen.
You may have to resort to the role of a friendly face rather than expect him to know you're his wife.
With Alzheimers & dementia, they regress back in time to an age and decade when you weren't his wife, so that's where your husband is now, most likely. You need to enter his reality rather than correct him. Tell him you're his caregiver and that if/when his wife returns, she has authorized you to provide care for him in her absence. Something along those lines. Calm him down, in other words, and let him know that his wife is on board with having you as his caregiver.
The goal with a dementia patient, always, is to keep them calm and anxiety free. So if that means you use fiblets to achieve that end, so be it. Whatever it takes is whatever you should do.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Here is a list of useful tips for you to use when dealing with your hubby nowadays:
The “Dont's” · Do not reason and argue · Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve · Do not demand that they remember · Do not demand that they get their facts straight · Do not correct their ideas or scold them · Do not reorient them · Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose · Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to · Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care · Do not act with impatience
The "Do's" · Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world' · Be aware of their mood or state of mind · Use few words and simple phrases · OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions · Do everything slowly · Approach from the front · Wait for a slow response · Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK' · Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment · Maximize use of remaining abilities · Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real · Maintain privacy · Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs · Use short words · Use clear and simple sentences · Speak slowly and calmly · Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer · Talk about one thing at a time · Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas · Use common phrases · Always say what you are doing · If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information · Wait patiently for a response · Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words · Speak softly, soothingly and gently
Care Needs · Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive · Reassure with your tone and manner · Do one thing at a time · Talk through the care “play-by- play” · Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance · Be sincere · Use a soft, soothing touch · Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers · Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them · They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression” · If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.
A good book to read is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin. Learn all you can about AD/dementia b/c knowledge is power!
Wishing you the best of luck with all that's going on.
Kind of cute in one way that he thinks you have your sights set on him, a married man. No real way to handle this. You aren't going to convince someone in the throes of dementia of anything. Just tell him "OK, I am happy to leave in a few minutes". Then do so. As Oliver Sacks observed over and over again, they do have their own world; it simply isn't YOUR world and that's uncomfortable. I wish you the best. This is quite common, and in fact there are times when a resident in memory care believe they are married to another in care there, and that you are merely a visitor.
I found that when my mother would get agitated about something, sometimes leaving her sight for a few minutes allowed her brain to reset, and when you came back, it was as though a new day had started.
I wouldn't get into relationships with him, however. It became clear after a while that my mother thought she was in high school again, so there was no way she had a daughter -- much less one that was 60 years old -- when she believed herself to be only about sixteen.
You may have to resort to the role of a friendly face rather than expect him to know you're his wife.
The goal with a dementia patient, always, is to keep them calm and anxiety free. So if that means you use fiblets to achieve that end, so be it. Whatever it takes is whatever you should do.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Here is a list of useful tips for you to use when dealing with your hubby nowadays:
The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience
The "Do's"
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently
Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner
· Do one thing at a time
· Talk through the care “play-by- play”
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
· If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.
A good book to read is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin. Learn all you can about AD/dementia b/c knowledge is power!
Wishing you the best of luck with all that's going on.
No real way to handle this. You aren't going to convince someone in the throes of dementia of anything. Just tell him "OK, I am happy to leave in a few minutes". Then do so.
As Oliver Sacks observed over and over again, they do have their own world; it simply isn't YOUR world and that's uncomfortable.
I wish you the best. This is quite common, and in fact there are times when a resident in memory care believe they are married to another in care there, and that you are merely a visitor.