You are in danger. Your husband having dementia versus being of sound mind, does not make him any less dangerous to you or himself. Is he still mobile and able-bodied? If he is then he's a real threat. If he's weak and feeble with mobility issues the verbal abuse will pretty much remain that way. Verbal abuse will always graduate at some point to violence unless the abuser is physically incapable of carrying it out. When he threatens you or talks about killing himself, call the police. Let the cops handle it. They will take him to the hospital. If he's already been diagnosed with dementia ask to see a hospital social worker and they will find placement for him in a care facility that can meet his needs. If he doesn't have a formal diagnosis they will give him a competency test. That's a start at least. I wouldn't recommend you remain living with him even if a doctor puts him on "meds" which people often believe is the answer to everything. It's not. Unless you've got someone else living with you that helps with him, he belongs in a care facility.
I don't think this is a "make an appointment" situation. I think this is a "remove yourself immediately from the situation" emergency. Go directly to your doctor's office, a police station, or your trusted church. All of those facilities should be able to refer you immediately to an organization that protects women. If the first place tries to talk you into going home leave and try the second place on your list. You've been threatened with murder you don't mess around with anything except your survival.
This doesn't mean you have to abandon your husband, if you don't want to. You can call the police, you can call APS. But you have to keep yourself safe first if you want any chance of helping him.
Call 911 for safe transport to hospital for your husband for psych eval and assessment; there then needs to be facility placement sought. Do not accept him back home. Tell them you fear for your life and tell them what you have told us. Contact, then, your own MD. Tell him or her what you have told us. Get a list of all resources. Do know, especially if there are weapons in your home, your life, and your husband's are in danger. Am reporting my own post so that AgingCare can provide you hotline numbers. I am sorry you are going through this. You need to protect yourself first and foremost.
Definitely NOT a 'make an appointment' situation at ALL! The next time your husband's behavior is threatening in the least, call 911 and have him taken to the ER for a psych evaluation and/or Baker Acted, then refuse to take him home when they're ready to discharge him.
Don't start thinking 'oh the poor soul has dementia & can't help it.' It doesn't matter the why's or the wherefore's b/c the cemeteries are full of people who didn't believe their husband's were capable of such violence. Mental issues/mental illness of ANY kind means the person you once knew is no longer the same person b/c his brain is fried. While he may not 'mean it', he's still capable of DOING IT!
Remove any weapons, knives, razor blades, hammers, bats or other objects he can use to hurt you with and wait for your moment to call 911 or the police. Please. Or like Slartibartfast suggested, just GET OUT of the house now! Do you have a son or daughter you can go stay with? Or a friend?
Whatever you do, just be sure to take care of YOURSELF in this situation and don't let down your guard for a moment!
I'm so sorry you are experiencing such a dreadful situation with your husband. I HATE dementia with every ounce of my being and this is one example why. Wishing you the best of luck; sending you a hug & a prayer.
Has he been FORMALLY DIAGNOSED as having dementia? Have you called police/911 when his behavior escalates?
YOU KNOW both HIS WELFARE and YOURS rely on getting someone from outside your household involved.
It is possible that his behavior can be managed with medication or being separated from you, but you HAVE TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP.
Many wives here have dealt with issues similar to yours. Do what you need to do for your safety, and keep coming here. WE CARE about what happens to you.
Echoing AnnReid. Make an appointment with his doctor as soon as you can.
Plus, if you can--safely, video his behavior or audio record it for proof to the doctor and to the police or Social Services. Don't hesitate to call 911 and get out as quickly and as safely as you can.
Call 911 and let them know that he is a danger to you and himself let them know they will need to bring someone from Adult Protective Services for possible Baker Act type intervention.
There is a very very thin line between fantasizing about something and doing it. Motivation coaches use this technique all the time. “What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.”
Is he still mobile and able-bodied? If he is then he's a real threat. If he's weak and feeble with mobility issues the verbal abuse will pretty much remain that way. Verbal abuse will always graduate at some point to violence unless the abuser is physically incapable of carrying it out. When he threatens you or talks about killing himself, call the police. Let the cops handle it. They will take him to the hospital. If he's already been diagnosed with dementia ask to see a hospital social worker and they will find placement for him in a care facility that can meet his needs. If he doesn't have a formal diagnosis they will give him a competency test. That's a start at least.
I wouldn't recommend you remain living with him even if a doctor puts him on "meds" which people often believe is the answer to everything. It's not. Unless you've got someone else living with you that helps with him, he belongs in a care facility.
This doesn't mean you have to abandon your husband, if you don't want to. You can call the police, you can call APS. But you have to keep yourself safe first if you want any chance of helping him.
Do not accept him back home. Tell them you fear for your life and tell them what you have told us.
Contact, then, your own MD. Tell him or her what you have told us. Get a list of all resources.
Do know, especially if there are weapons in your home, your life, and your husband's are in danger.
Am reporting my own post so that AgingCare can provide you hotline numbers.
I am sorry you are going through this. You need to protect yourself first and foremost.
Don't start thinking 'oh the poor soul has dementia & can't help it.' It doesn't matter the why's or the wherefore's b/c the cemeteries are full of people who didn't believe their husband's were capable of such violence. Mental issues/mental illness of ANY kind means the person you once knew is no longer the same person b/c his brain is fried. While he may not 'mean it', he's still capable of DOING IT!
Remove any weapons, knives, razor blades, hammers, bats or other objects he can use to hurt you with and wait for your moment to call 911 or the police. Please. Or like Slartibartfast suggested, just GET OUT of the house now! Do you have a son or daughter you can go stay with? Or a friend?
Whatever you do, just be sure to take care of YOURSELF in this situation and don't let down your guard for a moment!
I'm so sorry you are experiencing such a dreadful situation with your husband. I HATE dementia with every ounce of my being and this is one example why. Wishing you the best of luck; sending you a hug & a prayer.
YOU KNOW both HIS WELFARE and YOURS rely on getting someone from outside your household involved.
It is possible that his behavior can be managed with medication or being separated from you, but you HAVE TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP.
Many wives here have dealt with issues similar to yours. Do what you need to do for your safety, and keep coming here. WE CARE about what happens to you.
Plus, if you can--safely, video his behavior or audio record it for proof to the doctor and to the police or Social Services. Don't hesitate to call 911 and get out as quickly and as safely as you can.
Take care of you, Marilyn. *hug*
“What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.”
Are you able to leave the home without him?