He will say things like I'm going to run for president in 2028. He will talk about and sends pics of a woman who he is going to marry that he doesn't know. I offered to go to a Dr appointment and he got extremely upset and yelled at me that if I care or love him I will move in with him. I expressed I can't as I love my job and my apt. Im 50 and I'm divorced and I love living alone. He said if I don't then any money he would leave me he will loose to him finding care. I don't care about the inheritance. I love him but we don't get along. I feel guilt over that but I'm not the right person that can help. He knows he has memory issues. He can't drive etc.
Give him the phone number to his county area on aging, aka county counsel on aging, easy to find by googling either term. Tell him that they can direct him to all the great resources available for him.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Lots of people can not care for their parents. It is a difficult situation because we love them, want them to be okay but can not forsake our own lives to prop them up so they don't have to make changes. It's unfair that you are being pressured.
When either of my parents would start with the guilt trips I would tell them or think to myself, need to go pack a bag, didn't know I was going on a trip, I'll call you or see you later.
Parents forget or ignore that we are adults not under their command any longer. Stay strong, you know the outcome of caving.
Alert his doctor by letter or patient portal (if you have access) to dad's cognitive issues. If he's not taking Aricept, ask doctor if dad could try it. Also a mood med might be called for. Both drugs might make him easier to deal with.
He also needs a long-term plan. Start checking out memory care facilities. It's time.
As to guilt, you didn't CAUSE this and you can't FIX this, so guilt is inappropriate.
Stick to your guns. Stay here and read and you will soon know you are making the right decision in being honest with your father that the two of you will never be living together, and that he should be using his money for his care.
You can help him find the help he needs, whether that’s going to a doctor appointment with him, touring assisted living places, or reviewing his finances and legal paperwork. You can be kind, but clear. “Dad, I have two hours on Saturday, would you like to tour facility X with me then have lunch?”
Or you could try “I’m glad you realize you need more help Dad, I’m not the right person for that but I did find these brochures/ websites/ phone numbers for local facilities, senior center, aging council, home companion agencies etc. so you can figure out resources.”
Ignore the other stuff or just say “that’s not possible” or “that’s not happening but what I can do is….” If he makes it impossible to do anything but argue then tell him you’re leaving/hanging up now and will try visiting or calling him another time.
Good luck!
You are not obliged to care for him, you have made your own life.
Be careful if you are considering living with him, I am aware of two cases near me where promises were made so relatives moved in to find later the house was left to someone else. And that was just the issue of property before we get to the emotional and other financial abuse.