My dad recently lost his partner after several years of intense medical issues. Is he losing his mind or am I paranoid?

Grief is physical. It messes you up in ways a person can’t comprehend unless they experience it.

Also, grief dehydrates people because when you don’t feel like eating you also usually don’t feel like drinking anything either.

I know from personal experience that the grief from losing a spouse is very intense.
The first two years are brutal.
Just stay in touch, that's all you can do.

brooklynkitty: It most likely is grief related. However, if it continues, he could see his physician.

I believe it may be grief related. Just keep in touch with him often and have someone you trust to look in on him from time to time.

Our close friend lost his wife of over 40 years and experienced forgetfulness and repeating questions. He was 65 then and is now 82. It took approximately 2 years for his brain fog to clear up as he adjusted to life without his wife. The constant forgetfulness and repeating the same questions over and over caused some people to think it might be dementia but it wasn't. It was grief.

Our sister-in-law, same thing. She lost her husband of 51 years in 2021 and she went through the same thing as our friend. She's 81 and is still experiencing some of those forgetful issues and repeating questions but it's not as frequently now. Our nephew also thought she might be heading into dementia but we assured him it was grief. She lives 4 hours away from us so we check in often by phone. Plus she has an active life with friends that keeps her going. She's gotten much better.

My mom is 86 and we lost my dad in January. They were married 67 years. So far she's managing well. She's just quiet and sleeps a lot. She's actually not as bad with the forgetfulness and repeated questions as the other two above. Grief is different for everyone.

I had a similar situation with my mom when my dad passed. Monitor things and watch for other signs. He lost a part of himself, and it's one of the biggest stresses anyone can experience. Observe when you're with him in person. Listen carefully and watch what he does. For now there is shock and grief. I knew something was really wrong after about a year when I noted that all my phone conversations with mom were exactly the same on her end, word for word. If I tried to change the subject, she would pause and then go right back to the "script" that was in her brain. Over time it became more obvious that she was making poor decisions. Be watchful of his behavior, but for now allow him a little time to grieve.

He probably has lots of grief-related issues going on. He may be or become depressed. If you are able, encourage him to just go for his annual Medicare wellness check. They will automatically give him a memory test. It may give insights, and also provide a baseline to measure against in a year. Keep your eye out for low-level depression and loneliness. IMO it's good he's still working and engaging with others.

My Mom (94) felt depressed rescently and asked to try something. PCP started her on the minimum dosage of Lexapro. It has helped her noticeably and she says it's helping.

So sorry for your father’s loss and the loss of your mom.

My mom also had Parkinson’s disease. She died in 2021. It’s extremely difficult to see our mother’s declining with this awful disease.

I've heard many people describe having had memory glitches, lack of concentration, many symptoms of 'brain fog' when dealing with grief.

Personally I don't think my culture is comfortable talking about or acknowledging grief well.

I went to a Orthodox funeral once as a young person. I was shocked to witness the deep grief being expressed, everyone dressed head to toe in black, the men openly crying, the woman wailing. The Mother lay on the floor at one stage.

This differed to the only other service I had seen. A respectful & quiet event. A quiet acceptance of loss with a few silent tears.

A known measure is 12 months. That at least 12 months will pass before adjustment happens. It can take a long long time for a mind to adjust & a heart to heal. ❤️

He May have PTSD from all the caregiving and maybe In shock His partner died . A lot of caregivers run On Fumes - adrenaline and Cortisol and Not enough sleep . Give him another year to recover .

I think that this is grieving and anxiety and stress due to his severe loss just from what you say, but without a visit to spend some time with him I don't know how you can be somewhat certain. So sorry he has had this loss.