He has VA coverage with Aid & Attendance Medicare Part A. Dementia, is 89 yrs old, a fall risk, confused & combative when sick. My parents & I all live together. I’m their POA on everything, and co-own everything with Rights of Survivorship. This past week I did finally get an Out of Hospital DNR signed by his VA doc. He doesn’t have one yet for In-Hospital. I also asked his doc for more help at home this week - Personal Care, Respite, etc.; we already have a house cleaner - the VA just needs to approve it and get the ball rolling.
My questions are:
We’re all 3 REALLY sick right now. Can I take him to the VA ER and then refuse to take him home because it’s unsafe because I can’t care for him properly right now? Will they admit him for a few days so I can get some rest & recover from this? Would he have so many days as an in-patient before they tried to look for NH placement???
My mother & I seriously need some recovery time.

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Hi Lisa
I am so sorry that all this is falling on your shoulders.
Go to:
You can copy and paste that in google, and it takes you to the VA info about respite care.
There is help out there, take advantage of the services. I understand your desperation, but the ER is not the right approach to get you what you need. Unfortunately, having a fragile older person in the hospital opens him up to many complications that can start you down another road of stress once he is released.
Check out that website and call asap.
If there is a prolonged waiting period you may have no choice other than taking him to a hospital, but that is not ideal. I would start with that website, and if you run into a situation that seems the wait for services is too long call the VA hospital and ask for a social worker. Explain that you are feeling that you will need to bring him to their ER if you cannot get respite care.
Best of luck,
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