Must the vet include hie wife as a dependent. She doesn't want to be included and will not see her social security number?

You should be able to get her SS# from your income taxes.

Are u trying to get Aid and Attendance? This is a good question for the VA rep. You should have a county office. . Not something we as a forum should answer. We are not experts just able to maybe help point u in the right direction.

John, welcome to the forum.

What is she afraid of?

Immigration issue?
Past marriage?
Identity theft?
Bigamy?