Move in with my Mom (90) or not? Please share positive or negative. -

Move in with my Mom (90) or not? Please share positive or negative.


I currently work full-time. Mom needs lots of help around the house. I am renting now and lease ends April. Wanted to buy a house....daughter suggested to move in with mom. I would have to retire...long commute to work. Soooo- either work pretty much the rest of my life and have my own home (mom said she'd lend me money which I don't want to do) and feel bad that she's not getting the help she needs (she still works and drives) or move in with her retire work part-time? Her house is huge and has 3 levels. We get along fine but I can tell loss of hearing....more limited mobility etc.......what to do?

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I meant the care of herself.
Helpful Answer (0)

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HER!!!!!! Her loss of mobility will get worse. Everything will get worse and she will require more and more care.You need your own retirement. Your mom needs to be in a smaller living area,start doing something about this before the sh*t hits the fan.Be proactive for God's sake do not quit your job or move in with her.Your mom may think she will be able to loan you money but she is going to need all her money for the care of yourself and that ain't cheap.Please think this thru, big mistake moving in.
Helpful Answer (1)

DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR JOB . Mom needs to downsize to a senior apartment or Independent Living facility. The fact that she she has a huge three level house to maintain is not your problem, is it? She could be socializing with her peers and not worrying about what the weather will do to the roof during the next storm .
Helpful Answer (2)

That's a big decision. It's good you are considering all the factors. While your mom's health is pretty good now, it could change. Would you be okay with caring for her full time if she became bed ridden or developed dementia? I would read a lot about dementia and about how mentally and physically draining it can be. Of course, you could get some help to come in too, but it would be mainly on you.

If you think you would be able to do that, then I might try the move in with her to see how it goes. Could you at least keep your job and commute the long distance for a couple of months just to see how it would work out for now? If it's not what you thought, you could get another apt nearer to your job until you decide to get a house on your own. Or you could decide to retire at that point.

Since your mom has a large home and has funds to loan you for a house, I would discuss financial planning with her and an elder law attorney to see how her assets could be protected in case she would need long term care, in case you are not able to care for her. There are some protections for adult children who live in the home with the parent prior to their deaths, for 2 years, I think. I would get information on that in case she would ever need to spend her assets for care or in case she would qualify for nursing care cost assistance from Medicaid after all her assets are spent.

I'd also make sure she has a Will and durable power of attorney in place. It's a tough topic, but with her age and you needing to plan for the future, you need to know what to expect. IMO, since you anticipate getting this house if you move in with her and provide her care, you should seek legal advice on how to make it binding.
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