Brother refuses to let me and my family see Dad with Alzheimer's. What can I do?


Been trying to see my dad with my family. Brother refuses to let us speak and see him. Dads long term friends cannot see or speak with him as well. I believe dad is being taking advantage of in his weakened state

APS is useless and will give me no info

Went to guardianship 2 years ago and judge did not listen to anything and court evaluator did nothing as well

What can I do now. I believe isolation is taking place and I have proof that brother is stealing dads money

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Thanks you all for your help. I will continue to call all numbers

Why doesn't law enforcement and APS understand that when someone is being isolated from family members and long term friends including clergy something is wrong

In my opinion it's about the money. Me and my family have always had a great relationship with dad and only until he got sick and brother moved him into his house everything became crazy

Now brother is buyin large ticket items and probably saying it is in dad best interest. Brother also says dad does not want to see long term friends and family. Anyone can tell dad is very sick. When I saw dad 2 years ago he could not take care of himself personally and financially

The system is broken, and it its really scarey how people can take advantage of elderly people

i will not give up, my dad deserves better, though I really believe now my efforts are useless

One great thought I got from a friend, go back to court and just ask for visitation rights for my family. This sounds simple but the court system in my experience in very broken as well
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Msmith, I am stunned reading your question. I cannot fathom why your brother is doing this, unless he is up to no good and is a controlling, mean person. Isolating a person from family and friends is one of the largest RED flags of an abuser, why the authorities don't see this is shocking. Of course, I'm assuming you are not a bad person...but then not everyone could be bad and your brother is refusing everyone access to your dad. I, too, would be very concerned. Has anyone seen your dad lately? If so, can they confirm that there is no physical abuse going on? Wow, what a sad situation. I think I would hire a private investigator as someone else suggested you do need proof. Has your brother given you or any of dad's friends a reason why they can never see him? Brinoz you have been great with the information you have made available! You said that dad has ALZ, so does my mom and usually seeing friends and family is good for these patients so that would be a flimsy excuse. This is so sad and scary. I will say a prayer for you and your dad and I'm sending you mega-hugs. Linda
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Don't give up. Keep calling until you get the person who will help. They is someone out there that will listen to you.
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The national Eldercare Locator, a public service of the U.S. Administration on Aging, exists to connect you with services for older adults and their families. You can call toll-free at 1-800-677-1116 from Monday to Friday, 9am to 8pm ET.
If you suspect elder abuse of a loved one, call the protective services agency in the state where your loved one lives.
2nd andswer: The Elder Abuse Unit of the New York County District Attorney's Office addresses the needs and concerns of older crime victims who live in Manhattan. In cooperation with the New York City Police Department, Adult Protective Services (“APS”), the New York City Department for the Aging, medical professionals and social service agencies, the Office investigates and prosecutes all kinds of crime involving elderly victims.
What is Elder Abuse?

This Office defines elder abuse as any crime or violation involving a victim who is 60 years of age or older. Examples of typical crimes committed against the elderly include:

Domestic abuse or neglect at the hands of a family member or caregiver;
Financial exploitation committed by a family member or relative, home aide, stranger or “professional;”
Abuse of a power of attorney by someone entrusted to act as a fiduciary;
Virtual eviction by drug dealers who haven’t taken over an elderly person's residence or building

How to get help:

If you are a senior who has been the victim of a crime, or you know a senior citizen who has been abused or exploited, please contact the New York County District Attorney's Office Elder Abuse Unit at 212-335-9007.
The services we provide include:

Investigation and prosecution of crimes against the elderly, including physical abuse and financial exploitation;
Assistance in obtaining an Order of Protection and emergency housing, in appropriate cases;
A consultation with the Elder Abuse Unit Coordinator in order to determine whether a criminal investigation and prosecution is warranted;
Social service referrals to agencies that provide a variety of services to seniors;
Review by the Narcotics Eviction Program for possible evictions of drug dealers from a senior's residential or commercial premises

Important Telephone Numbers
Manhattan District Attorney’s Office Elder Abuse Unit 212-335-8920
NYC Adult Protective Services (“APS”) 212-630-1853
NYC Department for the Aging Elderly Crime Victims’ Program 212-442-3103
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New York State Office of Children and Family Services
Andrew M. Cuomo, Governor | Roberto Velez, Acting Commissioner

Callers should dial 1-844-697-3505 for information about adult services. The phone lines are open Monday through Friday (excluding holidays) from 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Callers are encouraged to provide their names and telephone numbers so local departments can follow up, but anonymous calls are also accepted. By law, anyone who makes a report of abuse or neglect to APS in good faith is immune from civil liability. Information reported to APS, and information obtained by APS in the course of investigation, is confidential and can be disclosed only in accordance with specific exceptions stated in law.

2nd answer: 1-800-342-3009 (Toll free in New York) - Press Option 6

More Information New York Protective Services for Adults
More Information
New York State Department of Health
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Msmith, I know exactly how you feel not getting anyone to really listen. My 1/2 brother did the same things your brother is doing, but, now my mother is dead so I can't do anything about it. Good Luck to you in getting help before it's too late.
Hugs to you, Laura
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Hi Brinoz, what is the phone number for the senior abuse hotline fo New York. Does that go back to APS. APS has not been helpful at all

Wouldn't you think they would think it is abuse isolates an elderly man with Alzheimers and proof that brother just purchased large ticket items, never purchased before by him
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If your brother is spending money on himself as POA, then he is breaking the law. Keep pushing, don't give up. Contact every agency you can find. I am POA and my sister keeps accusing my of being a thief, This is after she wrote herself a $3,000 check. I took her name off the signature card and turned all the financial information over to my Attorney. He send all 3 sibs a letter that he would be getting all the bank statements and sending a monthly statement of how the money is being spent. By the way, I have lived with Mom for 3 years for no pay. There is quite a lot of money on the line and they just can't wait to get their greedy little hands on it. But, I wanted out of the loop so have my attorney dealing with everything. Now they can call him and leave me alone to care for mom.
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Have you called the Senior Abuse Hotline? They really do look into the situation. Sorry for your situation. Sibs can be so hurtful.
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Thank you for answer. To me it has never been about money. It's about seeing and being here for a dad that is dying from Alzheimers. Preventing grandkids and kids from seeking dad is just cruel and uncalled for

I believe that APS and law enforcement is so overwhelmed they don't look at everything

So the elderly and frail suffer from people that know how to abuse the system. My dads intent was never to be isolated from his friends and family and I believe he is being taken advantage of in his weakened state. How does a son just stand by and continue to let this happen, though I continue to try every day to see my dad and get him help
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