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Telling one family member one thing and turn around and telling another the exact opposite. After a bout of colon cancer and a colostomy, we made the decision to all live together to help dad. He wasn't eating right and was having difficulties living on his own. We have lived together 3 years now. We have been thru back surgery, eye surgery, colostomy, reversal, depression, falls..... We are the only source of help for dad. Yet we find that he will tell us one thing, and turn around and tell other family members the opposite thing - leaving us to look like the bad guy. The last thing was I asked him if he wanted me to get the Christmas tree down from the attic and decorate it. He said no, he did not want to bother with it and did not want to move anything to make room for it. Within one week he told his sister on the phone that no, his tree was not up because my husband is too busy to get it from the attic????? While this may seem little - stuff like this happens ALL THE TIME and makes us feel no matter what we do, it is never right. Why does he do stuff like that?, when we were the only ones to step up and take care of him so he did not have to go to a nursing home?

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Babalou Give a Hug - No not really :( Is that the direction that you think we should go? I keep telling my husband that we should have him tested to see exactly where he is at. I do have a senior care consulting place near that perhaps I can maybe see if they do that there. I'd like to keep him home as long as I can but surely there is help somewhere that we could get to get him on track...???
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Do you have a major rehab center nearby? Sometimes they have the capacity to do a neuropsych workup. So he's non compliant with meds that will help him feel better. I think you should start looking at assisted living facilities.
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We took him to his regular doctor for depression. We knew he was depressed, has been since mom passed but it had become noticeably worse and he was angry and mean. That is when we took him in and had a heart to heart with the doctor. She put him on zoloft and scheduled follow up appointments but he took the medication 2 weeks and then off and on (which I knew was worse than taking none at all).... My husband has POA and is a healthcare representative - we called the doctor and told her. Dad told the doctor he did not need it, he was just fine without it! He continues to smoke so she will not do anything about the COPD except tell him it is not good for him and give him inhalers that he refuses to use. I just don't know what to do....... As I stated, nobody else will help. We had just finished a remodel of our own house and dad went down with the colon cancer. He was scared to death to come home with a bag to take care of. Our house only had 2 bedrooms and was not set-up appropriately. His place had 3 bedrooms with a so called mother-in-law suite. It was agreed by the family that we would sell our own home (which we took a loss on) and move in dad's to care for him. With that we insisted that we would not do it without getting the house in our name - so that if something were to happen, we were not homeless. The family agreed. It was not a win-win for us as we lost $, had to put $ in this house to update it, and I had to quit working for about a year to care for him full-time with the colostomy....that was 3 years ago that took place. The only help that we have asked for is for our out-of-state family to take him for a visit and give us a breather for a bit which they refuse. They have no clue what we go through. We try to explain but it is like they don't care. One told us just to put him in the nursing home, rather than to give us a little break. He may be in decline but I just can't do that at this point..... I know there may come a point where we have to but we are not there yet!
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Sounds like he's used to being the center of attention and care, which makes it much harder on you as the caregiver. But you need to understand you are NOT responsible for keeping him happy. That's up to him - it's an inside job. You've offered solutions and if he refuses the opportunity, so be it. You cannot be his entertainment committee along with everything else.

My mom can't keep track of the days either, so I got her a little clock that sits next to her chair that has the day/date/time/temp on it. It works when she can remember to look at it, which isn't often. So I have to constantly remind her. Since she's not going anywhere most days, it's really not that important. I just like to keep her as oriented in time as space as I can.

Do you have Power of Attorney for health and property for him? If not, you should get both of those taken care of, while he still has most of his mental faculties.
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Is he being seen for depression and perhaps taking medication? The reason I ask, if a geriatric psychiatrist is already involved, that should probably who you report this to; it sounds as though this is a change in his mental status.

Cognitive decline can be very hard to assess if you are the thick of the situation . I remember having an "aha" moment with my mom when she was in the hospital a few years back; the discharge nurse came in an explained something fairly simple about the followup that mom was to do with her own doctor, and how the hospital wanted to make sure that she got good follow on care so as not to be readmitted. My mom looked sad and said, "oh I see. I can't come back to this hospital again I guess". I was astounded. We had a full neuropsych workup a few months later that confirmed the fact that she was no longer reasoning very well.
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Dad just turned 84. I do all his checking account stuff like paying his bills because mom always did that stuff and he had no clue how to even write a check. All I do is pay his bills and when he wants money, I write a check out to cash and make him sign the front and back. That is where we are at with his financial stuff. He is unable to cook for himself - I do all that, unless there are leftovers he can heat in the microwave. He is unable to do laundry - I do all that as well. He at times has to be gently asked to change clothes and shower. He puts up a good front to others that he is capable of much more than he is able of doing :( He loses track of what day it is. I have no idea where to go with that either..... I have spoke with the physician about my concerns but like with the depression, she will give him meds and he will refuse them. She will give him an inhaler for his COPD and he will refuse it. It is kind of like a battle to keep trying to keep him healthy and happy when he constantly refuses/ignores any help.
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He may be experiencing some cognitive decline or he may just enjoy sympathy and attention. Keep an eye out for other symptoms of cognitive changes - poor memory or inability to do things he could normally do in the past (like keep track of bills or figure out schedules, etc).

He's had a lot of medical care and probably a fair amount of anesthesia, which can cause changes in brain function. How old is he? I don't think you say that anywhere.
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