My mother is physically incapable of taking care of herself, but lives in a different state. She doesn't want to be in a facility. Help!

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Mother has mobility issues, according to your profile. What things does she need help with? Getting out of bed? Getting to the bathroom? Making meals? Showering? Personal hygiene? Taking her medications?

What do you mean by taking care of herself? And how do you know she can't?

I suggest calling the Area Agency on Aging that serves her area and ask them about getting a needs assessment for mom. That would be an objective determination of what kind of help she needs, whether she can safely live on her own, etc. A problem with needs assessments is that the elders tend to exaggerate their abilities. "Oh certainly I can get my own lunch," when that is simply not true. So ideally there is someone with her for the interview, who knows what really happens in her home. Does she have a good friend or some relative in the area that could play that role? But even if it has to be just her there, I urge an objective needs assessment.

My mother had mobility issues and also mild cognitive impairment. We extended the length of time she could stay in her apartment by arranging Meals on Wheels, a housekeeper to clean and do laundry, and a visiting nurse to manage her medications. This probably gave her a few more years on her own. As dementia developed there came a point where she could not safely live alone. She moved in with a daughter for a year, and then spent the last couple of years of her life in a nursing home. This is why I ask what you mean by "incapable of taking care of herself" -- often it is not all or nothing.
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Son, that is so common where an elder doesn't want to downsize into a senior facility.

Usually what one needs to do is if Mom falls or isn't feeling well, then either have 911 or a friend/neighbor take her to the ER.... from there she might go to stay in Rehab.... and then you can place Mom into Independent Living or Assisted Living depending on what she can or cannot do. That is when we need to use "theraputic fibs" such as telling Mom she needs more Rehab but she is being moved to Assisted Living, but in reality she is going to stay there.

Where Mom moves depends on if she can budget the cost. Assisted Living is around $6k per month [depends on location]. Nursing Homes run around $10k per month as it is a higher skilled facility. Many newer Assisted Living feels like one is living in a hotel :)

Or would Mom accept caregivers at home to help her out? Or would she be like my Mom, shooing them out on the 3rd day? Caregivers run between $20-$30 per hour. My Dad liked the caregivers he had as they were a good match for him, similar childhood and would laugh at his jokes.

If Mom cannot budget any of these, then she would need to sign up for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Medicaid will pay for room, board, and care at a nursing home.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Help for what? Getting her moved to you? In home care caregivers provided by the state? FYI Medicaid will not provide her 24 hour care at home so what do you want help getting in place?
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Reply to Guestshopadmin
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