Anyone care for their parent in another country from here?

Follow
Share

I guess I'm looking for some emotional support from you all. Here's why. My mom is in India in a senior citizen community. This community is good only as long as mom has all her faculties intact. She's 82 and getting forgetful, walks very slowly and has mild diabetes. I want to get her a green card and come live with me here before she gets worse. She has visited me many times and runs back to India after 2 months because she misses her lifestyle/friends there. Both she and I hate the thought of getting the green card process started - it's a step closer to losing her independence. The process of getting her birth certificate for the GC is very complex and I'm dreading it but I will do it somehow. Both mom and I get angry when we are around each other 24/7. Since she is forgetful, I have to constantly check on her, help her into the bathroom/her laundry (she gets confused with washer/dryer) She will not take the GC seriously and insists on going back after 2 months. She is also now expecting me to pick her up from India and drop her back there every 6 months since she gets nervous on long flights. I will not be able to vacation with my family here since mom will either refuse to come with us. Even if she comes, she will insist that I stay back with her in the hotel and not see the sights since she gets tired quickly. I work here only p/t but she gets nervous when I am out (but I could get an elder sitter for this, right??) If I let her stay back in India and get her a home aide, my relatives will criticize me a lot. I have a sibling who is in another country and refuses to discuss mom's long-term care. My question: anyone cared for their parents in another country? Did you call them daily to check on them?? Did you get them here and just deal with whatever horrible situations cropped up? Thank you so much.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
5

Answers

Show:
Wren, thanks for the update. Hope everything works out well. If you run into any caregiving issues, we are always here to help :)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you all so much. I'm not sure how to answer each of you, so I am typing everything in this box.

Freqflyer: many thanks for moving up my post - you are so kind.


Gardenartist: thank you for the links - will read them asap.

There is a program called Visitors Coverage (an Indian company) which is supposed to offer coverage under various tiers of payment. Some people have had good experiences with this and others not so good. So I'm going to take my chances with them again. (I used this program for her earlier visits and they did not cover a physical or dental exam here.)

Honestly,I'm also hoping United Healthcare or BlueCross will have a scheme for overseas visitors

I know mom will refuse to attend any community programs without me and will expect me to be around her 24/7.

You know, reading thru this website has given me the courage to put myself first. So if I go crazy, I will get an adult sitter and leave mom with them. I will take breaks and disappear into my room even if she gets mad.

Thanks again all of you!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Wren, GardenArtist brought up an excellent point... what about health care when your Mom is visiting here in the States? You Mom wouldn't be able to get Medicare because she never worked in the States to place money into the Medicare system.

Your Mom might be able to get Medicaid, which is funded by us taxpayers. You would need to check that out first before Mom comes for an extended visited.

A friend of mine, her in-laws were also from India, and the three grown siblings living here in the States all chipped in purchase Kaiser health insurance for the parents. I don't believe Kaiser is offering this program any more, and sorry I can't remember which insurer had picked up this program. I could be wrong on that.

Yep, her inlaws were always flying back and forth, too.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Wren, I haven't experienced a situation similar to yours, but I do recall that there were a few posts of individuals caring for parents in other countries.

However, I wanted to raise one important issue, while also confessing that I don't know anything about this particular subject. If you do get a green card for your mother and bring her here, how will her medical bills be paid for?

On a related issue, if you do bring her, reach out to the Indian communities in your area. Find out what support and outreach programs they have for other Indian immigrants. Creating an environment of her home country here may help her adapt better in the short and long terms.

Did a few quick searches and found some posts that might be helpful to you:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/other-cultures-and-times-face-family-caregiving-137602.htm

Check out the first, second, third and fifth posts:

https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=green+card+parents

You can also search for other posts by clicking on the 3 bars on the blue toolbar, and using the search function there.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Wren, I am moving your post closer to the front of the forum. Hopefully a caregiver who has been down this road and help with your questions.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions