My mother, 79 years, has been diagnosed with dementia, and had a stroke ( brain bleed) shortly after I thought she should move closer to my home. She is a hoarder, and it took more than a year to go through everything in the home to get it on the market to be sold.
She recovered from the stroke although she was not expected to survive, and is basically independent, however she will not move out. I have asked her many times that she needs to find a place, but she refuses to follow through. Her house is sold, and the deal will be complete in 2018. With the proceeds of the sale of all of her stuff, I managed to pay off her 52,000.00 debt and she now has 10,000.00 in the bank. Her house is Leased with option to buy.
She is driving, going to doctor appointments, shopping ( way too much). She makes simple meals, breakfast and lunch and I make the more complicated meal of dinner. The only signs of dementia that I see is that she is easily confused/agitated, and does not remember directions or answers to simple questions..I.E." where are you going ? " She will ask a few times before it seems to sink in.
I have issues with my mother, however I brought her here because I was told she would not fully recover. She resents being here, is mad that I emptied her home and leased it out. She resents everything I advise her to do. She complains to my friends, as if she is the victim. This has caused so much stress upon me and my husband. We have a great marriage, but I am often consumed by her ungratefulness, and waste many moments upset.
I have told her again today she needed to move, and the same thing has happened. She retires to her room and avoids me for a few days, hoping I will drop the subject. We have gone to a few rentals and small homes for sale, but she finds things wrong with them and will not commit. I understand if she is fearful of moving, but why does she always complain about everything I do ?

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Thank you CDNreader, we have talked more, and she seems more receptive to moving to a small home in town. She will not be using a stove, since I will be bringing her an evening meal. She will drive less since she will be living right in town. But taking away her driving rights is definitely not something I am going to take away from her. For God's sake, I have emptied her house, sold her home and moved her to my town. I don't want to be the one to make her go to assisted living and take away her car. She is very resistant to this! Our town is very small, and tolerant of elder drivers. I think in many ways, it will be good for both of us. I will enjoy seeing her everyday rather than having her in our own home. Thank you again !
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A person with bouts of agitation and confusion should definitely NOT be driving or left alone to operate the stove. She needs assisted living.
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Dear guiltyascharged,

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through with your mom. Its very hard. And I know its not easy. I know you are trying to do the right thing for your mom and yourself.

Have you considered talking to a social worker? Trying to access any community resources? Talking to a counselor, family mediator or joining a support group? Or trying to access any resources available through work or the church.

I know as adult children we want to do right by our parents, but also there is so much stress and raw emotion. I hope you can find the right balance. Thinking of you.
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