My mother is forgetting a lot of things. She gets angry but quicker. What do I do? - AgingCare.com

My mother is forgetting a lot of things. She gets angry but quicker. What do I do?

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It's almost like she's a little paranoid about certain things.

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It sounds like maybe your mom is getting caregiver burnout herself. At 82 she may be changing herself. Anxiety and depression can start to wear her down. Maybe she is starting to get some dementia. This is a trying time for both of them anyway. A move sometimes just changes everyone. I'm also with Sue. You may have to wait until something happens to one of them. Why is your mom canceling doctor appointments? Maybe she knows something is going on with her and doesn't want anyone to find out. Like the doctor or you and Your sister. I'm sorry for your dad. Maybe independent living is too much for them and it needs to be AL. I'm sorry you are going through this. Someone will have better answers than me.
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Hi Kel,
Actually, if your mom is not behaving irrationally, she has every right to refuse doctor visits and your interference. If you believe she might have beginning dementia, it is a very difficult thing to convince her to "get checked" for it. Usually you just have to wait for a "defining moment" and then you can make your move. It's hard to watch one parent behave in a manner unfitting to the other parent. But, legally, I don't think you have a leg to stand on until she's "unfit".

What does your sister say?
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My mother and father are living in an independent living community. They just moved there in January. My mother is a perfectionist. Therefore, she's not content/happy about anything usually. She can find fault with everything.
My father has lost the use of his legs, and is in a wheelchair now. He has been for a year.
My mother helps him a lot -- too much sometimes.
For the last two months, it's like she's resenting having to help him. But it's also like she won't let him even tried to do anything. She blames him for everything. I know he can push her buttons sometimes but this is with most couples l suppose. In about two weeks it will be their 62nd anniversary.
My father always provided very well for my mother and our family. We were not rich, but comfortable. Now that they're on an extremely limited budget, she still thinks she can afford whatever she wants. She can't. 
She now doesn't care if he lives with her or not. She seems to always be angry at him for something. He's kind of her scapegoat now. My father will sit there and take it most of the time. I think he does this because he knows he's in a very vunerable situation. My mother does not realize that they cannot afford two separate places. 
If they do get two separate places she is going to hate it because it will not be nearly as nice. 
I have tried to talk to my mother, gently, about some of these things. She immediately will cut me off and tell me it is not her that has any problems, but I need to look at my father instead. Then she gets mad at me.
My sister has the financial POA and I have the medical POA for our parents.
My mother is 82 and my father is 88. They both get confused at times. My mother will fake being happy when we are there now because she does not want us involved. We are involved because we love them and are trying to help them.
I think my mother has some depression going on and a lot of anxieties. However, how do you make someone her age go and discuss this with the doctor? Especially when she doesn't think she has any problems.
My father sits in his wheelchair looking very sad all the time. He won't say much concerning this because he thinks it's just going to get him in trouble with my mother. And he doesn't want anymore problems. 
My mother does not see anything she does as a problem. She wants my father to change. After 62 years of marriage and him behaving a certain way, he is not going to change now. But she's expecting this.  She has told him if he doesn't change he can leave 'her' house. 
How can I help them? 
How can you help a mother that will not even listen to what you're trying to tell her? 
How do you help your mother that keeps canceling doctors appointments?
 I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them right now. This is horrible. I don't know what to do for them anymore.
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Kel,
Looks like the rest of your post got cut off. Can you continue your story?
Does she have dementia? How old is she? How long has she been forgetful?, etc.
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