Love this group and advice. Every time I am struggling I get good advice and support

My 92 year old Dad is in care and says he hates it. Today he tells me very convincingly that he's leaving tomorrow. I ask where he's going and replies the place he was brought up in many years ago. He's said this before then forgets. Now it's started again it will be an obsession. What does it mean?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Oh wow! You're the one moaning! Well, at least I gave you a good laugh! I need to slow down and de-stress a little.

By the way, my Mother wants to go home every afternoon. Her "home" is her childhood home. She has advanced dementia.
Helpful Answer (0)

I don't know, but suspect it's for attention. It could be pain, but assuming he's been checked for bruising, bed sores and overall health, it isn't likely. My MIL moaned so much that her caregivers used to make bets on how long she could keep it up! That may sound awful, but she had round-the clock, loving and caring ladies - they just had a sense of humor. She once moaned for almost 24 hours straight. (between meals) I noticed that whenever someone came to visit, the moaning stopped.

Make sure there is no pain involved. If your Dad has dementia, he may have trouble expressing himself. God bless you - I know it's upsetting and frustrating watching your loved ones failing.
Helpful Answer (0)

I’ve written this before, but I have never read anything here from anyone who absolutely loves being in a facility and wants to stay there. My mom regularly greeted me with “This place is pure hell.” as soon as I walked in the door to her room. It wasn’t. She got good care there and she was well-liked. She also wanted to go “home” to the house she lived in in the 1930’s. Obsession is a big part of dementia. It means their brain is broken. It doesn’t work right. You cannot nor should you try to reason with them. When my mom would talk about her childhood home, I’d ask her to describe it to me. It was a trip down memory lane for her and a history lesson for me.
Helpful Answer (2)

Here is a good article from the Canadian Alzheimer's Society:

Responsive behaviours is a term, preferred by persons with dementia, representing how their actions, words and gestures are a response, often intentional, that express something important about their personal, social or physical environment.
They are the result of changes in the brain affecting memory, judgement, orientation, mood and behaviour.
Responsive behaviours follow these principles:

All personal expressions (words, gestures, actions) have meaning.
Personal expressions communicate meanings, needs and concerns.
To understand their meaning, you must consider the factors influencing his behaviour (physical, emotional and environmental elements etc.).
When someone exhibits a Responsive Behaviour, reflect on whether it is a problem for the person diagnosed or for you? Will the solution cause more anxiety? Will changing my expectations affect the problem?
While the guide offers strategies for in the moment behaviours, think about their true meaning. Consider these questions regarding what happened before, during and after the event:
Physical – Are her basic needs met? Is she in discomfort or pain? What changes in her physical condition do I see (i.e. grimacing, eating patterns, energy level)?
Intellectual – Has he experienced recent changes in his memory? Has he been showing impulsive behaviour (swearing, sexual behaviour)? Is he struggling with speech or sequenced tasks (getting dressed)?
Emotional – Have you noticed increased tearfulness or anxiety? Does he seem lonely?  Has he exhibited any new unusual behaviour (i.e. suspicious of others)?
Capabilities – Can your Mom do more than you realize? Does your husband understand that he may need help?
Environment – Is there too much noise or too large of a crowd around your friend? Is the lighting poor, making it hard for him to navigate? Is there enough stimulation?
Social – Do her childhood, early adulthood or employment experiences offer insight? What do I know about his religion or culture?
Actions of Others  – What am I doing or not that may contribute to her behaviour?
Helpful Answer (0)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter