My dad is jealous of my husband. Is this normal for vascular dementia? - AgingCare.com

My dad is jealous of my husband. Is this normal for vascular dementia?

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He came to live with my husband and myself after my mom passed away. He has severe spinal stenosis, mini strokes, and vascular dementia. He thinks I am my mom most of the time. He says I should be kissing him and loving on him instead of my husband. It is creeping me out. Is this normal for vascular dementia?? Sometimes he gets very angry about it.

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Thank you for your replies. My mom was combatative. Yes there are others who their loved ones are much worse. Thankfully this is something we can live with. I have been reading and studying a lot and what I have learned is that this is perfectly normal for his condition. He doesn't get violent thankfully. He just pouts and then tells me that I am cheating on him. It is usually right before he has another mini stroke. I did talk to his hospice nurse and she started him on Xanax. So far it has been a Godsend. I moved my dad in with us because the nursing home experience was a nightmare for him and myself. My mantra has become one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
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I think its time for a NH. He could get violent and take it out on your husband.
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Memaw3 Jul 21, 2018
I moved him from the nursing home to my home. The nursing home was a nightmare. He is paralyzed on one side and can barely use his other arm. Plus, he never blames my husband just me.
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he's super confused. its the dementia. that's all I got. :(

like ahmijoy says dementia causes all kinds of bizarre behavior.

once my mom was talking about HER father. but she was describing my dad, her husband. I think memories get all crossed up.

maybe its something you could discuss at the next dr. appt. or geriatric appt
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Memaw3 Jul 21, 2018
I understand the talking about her dad but describing your dad. I can no longer call my mom mama when talking to him. He thinks im talking about my grandmother. So I have to say her name when talking mentioning her. He gets all kinds of things scrambled. In his mind, when I'm not my mom then there are two of me. It has to be awful to live in a world where nothing is as it's supposed to be.
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For some reason on this board lately we have a lot of posts about older men with dementia behaving inappropriately with their daughters and even granddaughters. I don’t know if it’s a hormone thing with these older men or what. But, you aren’t alone, if that helps.

I can say that trying to argue with your dad will only irritate him even more and stress you out. In his mind you ARE your mom. He sees her when he looks at you. Creepy? Well, yes. But it’s part of his “broken brain”. Continue to call him “Dad” whenever you address him, unless of course your mom called him “Dad”. My mother-in-law called my FIL “Dad”. And, keep the PDA with hubby to a minimum in front of Dad if it upsets him.

Unfortunately, this is pretty much what you signed on for when you brought Dad to live with you. Others deal with demented parents who smear feces on walls, take their incontinence briefs off and parade around, become paranoid and combative (like my mom), and other behaviors that if they were aware what they were doing and how they were acting would absolutely mortify them. You have my admiration for taking your dad to live with you and I am sorry that this will be among your memories of him.
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