Memory issues...my own and no one takes my concern seriously. Any advice?

Tree- so glad there were 5

I disagree that it is "normal." I recommend that you be evaluated. If your own MD won't listen, then go to somebody who will.

Don't mean to scare you - but the median age for Alzheimer's disease is now only 62. One should not rule out that you could be developing some type of memory illness yourself.

Count me in as a member. My mom has a tiny sore on her tailbone, which is healing nicely. The other day I took her to the bathroom and was able to see in the mirror that her bandaid - tape, pad, etc., on the sore - had come off. I managed to slap a bandaid on her quickly while I had her standing and left a note to the helpers that I need to know if it ever falls off so I can put on a new one. A few hours later I took her to the bathroom again and in the mirror saw that everything was on - bandaid, tape, etc., even though previously I had just slapped on the bandaid - no tape, no pad. I was so surprised I almost dropped her. Couldn't see to tell if I had just put another bandaid on the original or just what was going on. Will see when I next check her out. Swear to God there was nothing on her when I took her to the bathroom the first time. Spooky!

Before you self diagnose, try some of these things, which may seem silly or ridiculous, but they REALLY can improve your memory...and in a very short time.
*Brush your teeth with your opposite hand.
*Turn some pictures in your home upside down.
Doing these things will cause your brain to make some new connections, and you may notice within a week (I did!) some improvement. My MIL also noticed improvement when she began the teeth brushing thing. The hardest part was to remember to do it, lol. I put a post-it on the bathroom mirror. I had read these tips years ago in some article...there were other tips, but these two were the easiest. I hope that this will be all you need, and not a new doctor.

I also noticed that I am very tired at the end of the day when I've been looking after my parent but when I get a day off, I can be rather productive. And that's not tiring.

I always say that dementia is contagious. You do get very distracted caring for someone else's needs as well as your own and trying to be a constant safety net. I'll bet mothers of toddlers feel the same way.

If you can get into a clinical study, that’s probably the best way to get any real answers since they will do a baseline assessment and provide all kinds of testing cost free. You may even be paid to participate. I’m 56 and in the same boat as you. Nobody thinks it’s anything more then caregiver stress. Stress can mimic dementia symptoms and vice versa I keep being told. Doctors I’ve been to all say the same thing. However, I am beginning to believe I know more about dementia and Alzheimer’s then some of the doctors do. Getting second and third opinions isn’t possible when you have no job because you are or have been a caregiver. There is the memory screening test that docs do. I scored 1 point higher then my dad did when I was given that test. One year later he can’t do anything for himself other then eat and use the toilet. Not really encouraging being told,” it’s just stress, you are fine” when you go back repeatedly stating you are concerned but you can’t afford further testing and your insurance won’t cover it.

What a great post!! I have started to be "forgetful" too and have been really worried about it--although no type of dementia runs in the DNA, I know it's still a possibility!

I most assuredly run under a LOT of stress at times. Have been working on letting go of a LOT of things I can't change. I sleep terribly---up 4-6 times a night. I have been on so many meds to help me sleep, and most nights, I just...don't. (PTSD side effects, so at least I have name to put to the problem--but I can't seem to solve it!)

I am also a huge fan of calendars and post it notes. I keep one BIG calendar in the kitchen that is for 'family' but it's really just for me. All appts., general 'need to know' stuff is written down, along with all birthdays I want to remember. This is for DH too, but he puts stuff in his phone--and then forgets it, so I am not real impressed by the phone being my backup.

Once I have written down the events, I can relax. It's like my brain is on the calendar.

Back in the day when all 5 kids lived at home, I was on 3 PTA boards, hubby traveled 3 weeks a month, I had a very stressful church calling--I was a Franklin Covey devotee!! I kept the pages from about 7 years of that period of my life--I look at them and can't believe how much I did in a day/week/month.

Also, I have found my ALEXA to be a huge help. I tell 'her' to remind me of something and when I ask her what I needed to remember, she does. I can plan a shopping list over the course of a few days and it is transferred to my phone, automatically.

I'm glad to know I am not alone.

Be sure to practice good self care. I have been taking care of my mom for over 3 years and I haven't loved myself as I should in many ways. It is stressful and exhausting. I find a walk each day helps if you can leave the house. It is good for the mind, body and soul. Also, get a calendar with big spaces and write out "to do" list for each day and check it off. It feels good. Every day, contact a friend for a phone chat or invite them to coffee even for 30 minutes...For me, prayer helps and "letting go" of the need to control each situation. That was me...it still is, but I am trying each new day to do better.  God bless you on this path. It is not easy.

You are not thinking out of left field here--the stress of caregiving has a lot of impacts on our health. I'm wondering if you are experiencing depression? Family caregivers are at a higher risk for depression, understandably because of the stress that comes with taking care of a family member 24/7. You can look up depression screenings online if you'd like to explore the idea; you can also ask your doctor if at your next appointment they could do a screening.

Depression can happen at any age, and can be clinical and ongoing, or sometimes just episodic and temporary. I'll share my own experience as an example:

Several years ago when I started at my current job, I was only 29 years old. I was in a different city than our main office, and my coworker had only been hired 3 weeks before me. I had a few half days of shadowing others as my "training," but had to figure things out on my own. Four months in, my supervisor left, and I had no supervisor for many months. I was so stressed--I felt like I had no idea what I was doing, I had no training, no one to turn to for help, and one of the higher-ups had taken me to task for a few things. I was getting sick all the time, and I honestly felt like I was losing my mind, and genuinely worried that there was something wrong with my brain. I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't remember things, I got flustered really easily, I was having trouble sleeping. I realized that I was stressed and depressed! Even just discovering that made me feel better, as I knew there wasn't anything "wrong" with me, I was just going through something stressful and hard, and it would get better. I utilized some resources through work to get some help, and things did get better.

I wonder if there is a respite program or caregiver support program where you are? Such a program might have some good help and resources for you, such as some respite care to give you a break, or counseling available to help you with coping. You might contact your local Area Agency on Aging to see if there's anything like that available--if you don't know the AAA, you can use a search tool on eldercare.gov website and search by city/state or ZIP code.

Add my name to the Missing Memory Group. Sigh. 2017 was My Year From Hell, and though I'm slowly recovering I'm still alarmed at the state of my memory. Front-seat exposure to dementia has really raised my consciousness and though I've always been focused on a healthy diet, I've recently renewed my commitment to daily exercise and started taking choline, folate, and curcumin. I keep my cholesterol down to acceptable levels with red yeast rice. Have I seen a difference? Subjectively, yes; though I doubt I'll ever reclaim the memory of youth.

I want to learn a language or a musical instrument to create a reserve of new neural pathways; sort of like insurance against a future with dementia. Anybody got a good dulcimer they want to sell? (o; I would prefer an instrument to learning Spanish! My DNA shows no markers for early or late-onset Alzheimer's; though that doesn't mean I won't "get" it.

I talked to my doctor about it. She said to keep doing what I'm doing, stay socially connected, etc. I just do the best I can and pray a lot.

I'm right there with you. I describe this as being the memory keeper. I have to know everything for two people..... well three (my husband sometimes.) We live with my Mom, who has Parkinson's and help her with everything. I'm the memory keeper. The past few months I've been experiencing what you have described. It was difficult to think I am just flat out overwhelmed. I have to be extremely careful about letting Mom know I forgot something. She uses it against me which is ironic because her memory is failing yet she can remember when I forget and keeps it tucked away in her memory to run me down personally and to other family members. Thing is it's my own stuff that I forget.... not her stuff. This forgetfulness can definitely be due to the stress of caring for another person. I have been to my doctor, a neurologist and both said I should try seeing a counselor. I am and she is very helpful. She says caring for another person, especially a parent is tough situation for most people. Seeing her is doing me and Mom good. Plus, I get some time away from Mom. 😜
If you feel that you might have a medical issue get a second opinion. You must take care of yourself. You are important!! You are loved and needed by many other people, not just your Mom. Love yourself and follow through on taking care of you in all aspects of your life. Don't let another person/s rule your life. I know..... easier said than done. Your in my prayers. God bless you, sister.

Depression also affects memory a lot. I have a friend who was sharp as a tack, lost her job and now is very depressed. She repeats herself constantly, forgets things and seems out of sorts. Her doctor keeps testing her with questions and telling her there is nothing wrong.

I agree that stress and little sleep can affect memory and support depression. However, these can also cause the body to devour certain nutrients which also affect memory, vitality and behavior.

I would first recommend a thorough blood test to check on vitamins, minerals, hormones, iron, etc.

Once that has been done and nothing is obviously lacking at that foundational level, then I would find a good memory specialist and take a test...you can find a referral to a good one via a well-established memory care facility.

I did this, in that order, when I thought I was also 'coming down' with dementia, while taking care of Mom for 10 years total. After those two steps, I am now relaxed and know that all is well if I include MYSELF in my care giving plan!

pargirl... I am right there with you. I took care of my mom (diabled and in wheel chair) and my Dad (in a nursing home and I was the only one he would allow to take care of him) at the same time until they passed away. And now I have been a caregiver to my honey of 30 years. I too am 66 and know exactly what you are talking about. Your post hit home. Well said. (smile)

I went to my doctor and asked him to get me to a specialist for testing. He took me seriously, I was sent to a hospital specializing in Alzheimers, as that is what my father has. I was tested, and then given a 12 week course in mindfulness and meditation whereby we use it to stop, state we are doing outloud, then check our goal during the day as to keep us on track. We did a body scan meditation twice a day, only 10 minutes each time, and I started to walk a lot, I mean, 1 to 2 hours of walking per day and it has improved my state of mind, and ability to recall. That being said, I think it is important to check it out and find out that you do not have a deterioration of your cognitive abilities. I use YouTube a lot, and listen to Sleep Binaural Beats at night, and use their binaural beats music and guided meditations, that way I do not get bored and always find that the more I learn to practise on keeping my mind relaxed I can handle more. Please make sure that you are not eating crap and get a lot of greens and vegetables with your meals  nor lacking in movement during the day, these have a huge impact on the brain. 

Good morning heysilky and everyone! This is my first post on this topic and I am definitely a member of the missing memory club though my memory has improved. Part of mine is the 12 strokes (2 major and 10 minor) and stress. My doctor says most of mine now is stress though I will always have some from the strokes. I have been a caregiver to my honey (we are not married, not even common law) for the last 13 years. Before November, he was able to navigate (and I was able to work) even though he had had two strokes, severe heart problems and diabetes. In Nov he nearly died with v-tach (rapid heart rate) and had to have his defibulator replaced with a defibulator/pacemaker. Now he is unable to take care of himself because he has been so weak, he has not been able to be as active as he should be.

Sorry... back to the memory (smile). One thing that has helped me is that I use a Franklin (Franklin Covey) and have for many years. It is an organizer that I carry with me at all times. (I like it better than DayTimer.) Without it I could not keep up with important issues, appointments and anything that I need or want to remember. I have learned to have a specific spot for my car and house keys (keep them on separate ring) and with working to start my own business this organization has helped a great deal. This has helped alleviate a lot of stress for me. I will still forget things but I have don’t sweat the small stuff. My suggestion is to get checked out by your doctor to rule out any physical ailments and then from there work toward getting things organized for you, though I know you have your hands full as a caregiver. If it means using an organizer, using a small notebook or sticky notes trust me it helps. Find a hobby that you enjoy (even if taking a bubble bath, writing, reading etc) and make time for YOU so that you can have even a few minutes to relax and unwind. You time is important. I have learned that in the last 13 years. My art is my sanity saver and what I love to do. This is how I unwind.

Sorry if I sound like I am preaching or up on my soap box. I am not an expert by any means but am going on what I have learned over the last 13 years as a caregiver and the last 37 years since I had my first stroke. I hope it helps as it has helped me. In the meantime hang in there everyone! Thank y'all for being there.  It feels so good to know that I am not alone. Have a great day!

Update on quartet or quintet. There WERE five men singing! One joined to help sing the bass part, but too late to include his name in the bulletin. Now, why did the director and other choir member insist there were four? Hmmmm.
Which reminds me of another story. Years ago, (maybe 1997) I met a 105 year old woman who lived in her own apartment independently in a retirement community. I was introduced to her by my then 72 year old friend. As an aside, it was remarkable how my friend who was decades older than I, deferred to the older lady and seemed to become like a young woman in her presence. To continue, the older lady’s daughter of 86 had a doctor’s appointment and brought her mother with her but left her in the waiting room during her visit. After the consultation the doctor started telling her about the medication he was going to prescribe and other instructions, when the daughter said, “Wait! I won’t remember all this. Let me get my mother in the waiting room to help me”. The doctor and nurse were so surprised that they followed her to the waiting room to see her mother!
I can’t remember her name now, but she walked the equivalent of 2 miles around her retirement complex every day, and the day I met her told us wonderful stories of growing up in Chunky, Mississippi. Imagine the changes she saw!

My brother-in-law for years also complained of memory loss 20 years ago. His wife and I always told him that, that was normal since everyone goes through the same thing at one time in their life. Well, up to the present, his memory is still the same. No dementia, ALZ or any other mental disorder. I forget birthdays, where I left my keys, what did I plan to do 5 minuets ago? It's frustrating, I know, but if your doctor and the people around you are not worried, I believe you should accept what they say. Believe me, when they notice something is not right with your memory, they will be the first to tell you.

I’m not sure I can add anything else . I agree with and feel so much better after reading these posts! I’M NOT ALONE THANK GOD!!! :))) Maybe this one thing..... I’m the lone caregiver to everyone. Tag I’m it. My sister passed a few years ago but she wasn’t much help. She had her own medical issues which I dealt with also. My in laws until their passing , my mom until her passing from dementia, and now my dad who will be 96 in Aug. and declining. I used to be able to tell you every medical term , what it meant, what dr was the best for what etc. people would come to ME and ask questions about THEIR health or their parents!! At one time I even thought about (and had the energy) to write a book about dementia/alz, doctors, insurance, facilities, and even going to the grocery store 42 times a week. I believe and this is just me, that after the last 12 years, especially the the last 8, that I’m worn out and just don’t care anymore hence the not remembering. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad dearly but I’m just not the same person. Caregiving changes you.....for life. It hits your body like a sledge hammer and takes you down. The drs appts, the phone calls, worry over the right decisions, the phone calls, the driving 35 to 40 minutes (That’s if the traffic is good), what few times you get a break you are constantly wondering if everything is ok and did I mention the phone calls???!!!! Anyway, I’ve often wondered if I need to be tested or get medication to help with my memory. Heysilky, if you really do think something is going on then I totally agree that you need to see another dr. A specialist in geriatric aging or neurologist. But my guess is it’s from all the stress from trying to juggle all those balls. I’m waiting for the day.....my year of recovery. By the way I’m 66 and up until about 4 years ago was a perfectionist. Not anymore. Still want a clean house but not a fanatic like I was. Kinda don’t care about that either. Good luck and may God Bless you with a clear mind!

heysilky,

I too approached my Dr while in the depths of my caregiving duties. I know part of my concern was my forgetfulness. My other concern was am I already developing Dementia?!?

My family Dr would not even consider testing me or referring me to someone for testing. He told me I had better get my stress level under control before the top of my head blew off. That my memory at that point was the least of my problems. He had been our family Dr for 30 years so that statement was coming from a Dr as well as a friend.

It’s been 2.5 years since Mom passed. My memory is much, much better, until some heavy duty stress hits...

Yup - club member here! It's really bad when you previously had a good vocabulary, no problem talking (just ask my friends - at least the ones I have left?!) But after almost 3 years of helping Mom, with no help from siblings or kids because I have neither - I find myself stopping mid-sentence because the perfect word just went "poof" and I can't find a decent synonym quickly enough to prevent that awkward pause for the brain fart! Sometimes I head for the other end of the house, and can't remember why I made the effort? Blessings on my iPhone's "notes" function! When I remember, I can list all the things I'm afraid of forgetting, and there is a real satisfaction to deleting them when accomplished! Do I want to get my head "checked out" - to find maybe this isn't a temporary issue - Hxxx no! What will be will be - and I have no tolerance for more stress while I can still have hope for better things in the future... (Today I had to go through my contacts list because I couldn't remember my best friend's last name... sounds normal to me!)

One Last Straw is right. It is time for a new doctor. WE best know when we have slipped into what you are going through. Get help to find a new doctor that deals with memory problems and they can give you a test I think, that will give them an idea where you are headed or not.

heysilky - From my own experience, I would say that your bad memory is due to stress but for you to reach out and ask for advice means you are very concerned/scared. Be persistent with your doctor and go for second opinion. Others mean well, but  if they haven't experienced what you are going through (care-giving or your own health issues), they can't truly understand. Therapy works well for me. Make time for yourself to recharge. Like GardenArtist, I too turn off the phone and nap. Mom is in AL and I still live with the "cloud" over me that every time the phone rings, it's an emergency. Please take care of yourself first.

It is good that you are noticing a problem and want to fix it/get help. You know yourself better than anyone else, so you should do what your gut is telling you. Find another doctor who specializes in memory/brain care and go and see them. I recently heard Dr. Amen on tv talking about brain health. He has an awesome book "MEMORY RESCUE" and a website amenclinics.com that you should check out. One of the risks that he mentions is retirement -- he says once you stop learning, your brain starts deteriorating. BUT this can be stopped and in many cases some damage can be reversed. You should read the book and maybe even call the office - they have offices around the country. There are brain exercises that you can do and foods that you can eat/avoid to help with your brain health. I have done a lot of research because my dad is 76 and has dementia so I have been researching to determine how to prevent this from happening to me and my kids. Good Luck. Keep looking until you find a doctor who will listen and help you. And the book has a LOT of info in it.

I truly understand when you say No one is taking your concerns seriously to include your doctor. I didn't start taking my memory, focus, and concentration issues seriously until my twenties when it really started to affect my job performance.  The last 30 years, I have had CAT scans, psych evals, prescribed depression meds, gone through medical trials all to find out what is going on.  I was told I had a little depression that could be causing symptoms.  My reality is that I was depressed because I knew something was wrong and No one was listening.  I have bought and tried all kinds of vitamins, pills for memory, focus and concentration that seem to work in the beginning but about 2 months in, nothing.  I was my mother's care giver for over 13 years and I lost her recently to cancer; she was my memory help.  During her last couple of months, I had to really get it together because she was not able to help me like I was used to.  It does not get better with time, keep inquiring or looking for a doctor that will listen and will provide you with the medical attention you need.  I have not been to a doctor in years because I was so discouraged and depressed but like I mentioned, it doesn't go away and only gets worse and I still have a daughter to take care of.  Now I know that I have to keep focused on finding the one that will listen.

First, I would locate a neuropsychologist and go through the diagnostic test. Whatever the results, you will be able to proceed with planning, or whatever is indicated. These are non-invasive examinations and very helpful. Second, I have always had to write a to-do list and schedule. I always answer the phone with one hand, grab a pen and paper with the other. There is both, next to every phone in the house. (I do not have -- or want -- a cell phone.) Those who come here are familiar with the same stress you face. We have established our own tricks and techniques for managing. (Most of the time, anyway.) Not all will work for you, but some will make a huge difference. But perhaps the greatest would be getting yourself examined. The least of the benefits will be establishing a time line should such a disease develop for you, the greatest will be that none has begun at this point. Find that assurance. You are heavily burdened, you know that. You are also not superman, you know that, too. Allow yourself some human failings, do the best you can, and do not discount your concerns. By the way, to do what you are doing today requires being much more 'on the ball' than any career you may have had. Your Mom is fortunate to have you giving her the care and protection she needs. Now go find that neuro/psych so you can rest easier!

I am not sure if I should add to this, as my situation is a little different BUT being the stubborn old fool I am, I will. :)

I agree with stress and memory related issues.
Some days I am so full of worry that I have no space to think about other things.

To help me remember the day of the week, I have little battery calendars situated in various places, so I am never to far the check.
I have small clocks every where and if they have a day/date on them this is a bonus.

I have small packets of post-it notes, with pens, all over the place and write down ANYTHING I think of. Daily I keep check of these (that is why I have the yellow ones - they stand out) lol

I have a small weekly display diary, which I keep open on the week we are in, by placing a small rubber band each side. Every year, I transfer all the birthdays and important dates to the new small diary. I take it and a pen every where. As I get a doctors, hospital appointment etc. It goes in my little diary. when I get home. it gets put onto the wall calendar, hanging in the kitchen.

I try and do quiz things and games etc (on line) daily to try and help me stay as sharp as I can.

When in pain, or stressed this all goes out the window. hahaha So I HAVE to look at all the things I have in place to help me.

Remember to take care of yourself too, or you will not be able to take care of those you need to.

I know this does not solve your problems but if only one of them proves useful, then all is good.

Accept little victories as miracles, they are. Try and smile a little every day (look at the jokes page here if you struggle) I will punch it up for you so you can bookmark it.

Finally you have our support and love and prayers to help you, any time of the day or night, someone is mooching around here. Hugs

I found Sleep Deprivation to be my #1 problem and it made me have "brain fog" and I was terribly disoriented and found myself staggering around the house.

That's when I realized that a lot of my DH's problems were from Sleep Deprivation as well as age related. When traditional medicines didn't work, I started researching Herbal Remedies and one of my favorites is Ashwagandha - it's not expensive, a 2 month supply is $20 for Himalayan. Now, even though DH wakes me every hour or two to help him void, I find I can return to sleep and I wake up feeling rested.  I tried it for it's calming effect - and it is keeping me a lot calmer.  A lot less stressful cussing.

My #2 problem is nutrition. Just as the elderly don't eat properly, neither do some of us caregivers. This is why so many caregivers pass before the patient they are caring for. If you are having trouble with eating right - consider some supplements for protein and greens (veggies). I use both and just incorporate them into my Oatmeal and I add them to my vegetables - it helps with my own brain fog.

Sometimes we tend to forget to take care of the caregiver too.

Count me in, been up since 1:00am.

Calgon, take me away.