Meltdowns every night? Is this really what people commonly experience and I just need to accept it?

I know it’s normal for people with dementia to have sundowning each night where they get confused maybe even agitated. My grandmother gets completely escalated nearly every night. I’d say at least 5/7 nights a week. And the 6th and 7th nights she’s still agitated or crying or something but it only last about an hour and eventually I’ll say something that seems to comfort her enough to agree to stay with me. Full on meltdown nights start at average 3pm and go well into the night until she wears herself out. And sometimes then she will go to sleep for a couple hours and wake up again still in the same agitated state and ready to get the hell out of this house at like 3am. Doctors just keep dismissing us, I’ve asked for psychiatrist referrals for months but I’ve resorted to seeking out my own and hopefully getting an appointment this month. The medications the doctors give us are not really effective in calming her down unless you can magically predict exactly an hour before she might have a meltdown (which I can do sometimes). But is this really normal? Is this really what people commonly experience and I just need to accept it? She’s slowly killing me and my mom with this. I try every too and trick I’ve ever read and most of it rarely works. And really it’s hard to tell when he’s actually confused or she’s actually just mad because she never wanted to live with us. Some nights it’s very clearly that she’s mad we won’t take her to visit her mother but other night she says she knows she sleeps here every night but that doesn’t change that she wants to be at her house and usually she knows which house she’s talking about and even though there is no one can stay with her to cook for her and make sure she changes and bathes and doesn’t fall, she says she doesn’t care and to let her be and live how she wants to live or she says/expects that other family (who can’t possibly make time for her) will just come and stay with her if she’s in her house. She has meltdowns any day a caregiver has to come here (or previously when she still was at her house). She is best behaved with me, but I cannot be her sole caregiver. Just, is all of this normal? Are we doing something drastically wrong here that I can’t see??