When my 84 y.o. relative moved in I thought it was reasonable to assume that she would not go into our rooms since there is nothing there that is hers. Wrong assumption. She started it after a few months.
Growing up and as adults her family had no boundaries. So she expects me to have no boundaries. In her mind...it was ok for us to go downstairs into her rooms anytime so...therefore it should be ok for her to do that with our space. She views it as horrible when she hears of an elderly person being restricted from going into the host family bedrooms.
First I tried removing everything in our area of the house that she would use like cleaning supplies or anything else. Then I asked her to stop. She didn't...decided to dry mop our hardwood floors so she could open our doors and snoop. Finally, I locked the bedroom doors...huge drama...I don't trust her etc....then she promised not to go into the bedrooms again. I did not mention it again.
This week, four years later, I felt that this was going on again and found out that not only was she going into our bedroom, she was going through our stuff when I wasn't home--left video cam on in the room for the short time I was gone. She does not have dementia or Alzheimer.
She is only left alone for 30 min when I take my adult child to work and 30 min when I take him home once a week. This has become her time to get into our rooms and stuff. I can't take her with us on these trips because my adult child does not want to ride in the care with her...and her constant questions would set my adult child up for anxiety and a bad day at work...it just is not possible.
I don't know what to do about this. I feel violated. I am trying to think of a no drama way to stop this behavior since she has high blood pressure and it goes up immediately when she gets upset, but she obviously lied to me and has decided she will put on a show of respecting our privacy when we are home and then when we are out, she can do whatever she wants.
I feel like a prisoner in my house. I feel like I can't go out and get things done with my adult child who is disabled...I need to be training and working with my child. It makes me feel insecure because I don't know what is happening with my things.
She is nearly 89 and has had a stroke a couple of years ago and is a very difficult person to have in our home for so many reasons. She is here because she really did not have the money to go into a retirement place and she could no longer do the upkeep with her townhome and frankly was not making ends meet. She is not renting from us or anything...then she would be back to not making ends meet.
I feel it is a small thing to ask for privacy given this is about all I have asked her to do. I am wearing out for many reasons. Seeing her paw through our stuff just put me over the edge. I never ever go through any of her stuff. When she is out at the beauty shop no one disturbs her things ever. But she feels it is her right? as a member of the household to do this?
How do I stop this behavior or what can I do with this? She doesn't break things or steal things that I know of but I can't stand this.