When my mother-in-law first started doing that as dementia began to set in, I had no patience for it. But then my father-in-law said it was kind of like the movie "50 First Dates", which instantly put it into perspective. Also, having just lost my own mother the year before (father 16 years before that), I was reminded that I was now feeling guilty for the many times (starting in my late teens) I had been impatient with her ways. Now I wanted her ways back so I could appreciate them instead. Bottom line, it really doesn't matter what the question is or how often it's asked - you still have your loved one there to ask questions......treasure the time, because it will come to an end.
I really struggle with this. I beat myself up when I get impatient which happens a lot. I feel horrible for being impatient. I do okay until the 3rd + time of saying the same thing. My mom lives in the same condo complex as me. This way she's independent but I'm just around the corner. I handle all her finances and drive her most places she goes. I'd love to find a local support group.
My husband watches The Andy Griffith Show for hours at a time. I record them for him, and he can watch an episode and immediately watch the same one over, and never realize he is watching the episode that just went off. At least, it's harmless and it keeps him entertained!
Just heard from my moms sitter that everyone but my mom is enjoying an episode of golden girls
Since I picked up a pie and whipped cream for the late night crowd tonight I hope I'm not tempted to point the whipped cream canister in her direction
I have noticed that keeping little mini candy bars (especially mounds) and even peanuts in the shell soothes anyone when they're having a bad day - cracking nuts must be good therapy - keeps their hands busy
Oh man! Mom and I watched a movie together, on t.v., and she was following quite well. Saw the entire thing. Okay. Hubby's always looking for movies at Goodwill, Walmart, etc., bought the movie aforementioned and put it in the player to watch. I knew immediately that we had watched it no more than 3days prior. MOM SAT THRU MOVIE NEVER said, oh!, didn't we just saw this? Or something similar. NO IDEA SHE SAW THE WHOLE THING........... That floored me. Her dementia is progressing. No alz, but should I mention this to her psychiatrist?
WindyRidge: my hubby watches nothing but that show. Thursdays they are on ALL DAY!! I record them so that he has something to watch on other days. I think he watches them so much that he doesn't have to concentrate on the plot because he has seen all the reruns so often. He will watch one, then sleep through 3, then start all over again. Day after day after............etc.
PAgal, Blue Bloods?! OMG, my Dad loves that silly show. He can't follow the plot in the least but he'll sit glued to the tv for the whole show and watch the same one again the next day. It's the damnnest thing........
I would tell myself that I was in a contest and that the more I repeated something, the more points I got. Just a mind thing to keep sane. lol And if it helps, that stage may end. It did with my loved one. She no longer repeats things at all, but I think it's because she doesn't initiate conversation anymore. So, either way, it's sad.
Deep cleansing breaths. And lots of them. Breathe and exhale. Repeat. You do not need to answer every time a question is asked. Pause. Breathe. Point something else out like a beautiful tree that's in bloom. Turn on the radio and sing. Steer the person away from the fixation toward something else.
My husband has dementia, cancer, and is addicted to the tv show Blue Bloods! He is constantly asking what day it is so he can look in the TVGuide to see when it is on. I bought a dry-erase board and every day I write on it what the day is, when B.B. is on and the channel number. This helps somewhat......until he can't remember where we keep the board; then it is "where is the board?". You have to be able to laugh or you will cry (which I sometimes do).
MsMadge, I know what you mean, my sig other is able to "play along" with my Dad when Dad is showing sundowners.... but for me I find it very difficult as it is too emotional for me.
Plus over all these years of dealing with parents who were very stubborn and who wouldn't dig into their savings to make life easier for them and for me, my patience eroded away :(
It helps to find humor in it somehow which if you're tired or not a patient sort is difficult - depending on the question it can sometimes help to write the answer on an index card or notepad of course then you might have to remind the person to look at the note - ha ha
My good friend always changes the answer a bit each time my mom asks her the same question repeatedly - I've never been one to lie to her but more and more in finding that to be necessary - especially when the question is "when can I go home"?
But as noted above - one day this behavior will change - many folks at my moms memory care facility can't even speak
I always find it a bit infuriating that others can respond to my mother better than me at times - last night for instance when I tried to help her get up out of a chair she snapped at me - when her favorite caregiver arrived she started complaining to her about me saying I'm tormenting her - does she really think that ? Maybe but this caregiver now spends more time with her than I do and lord knows since she's 30 years younger than me probably has far more patience than me too
For some of us, it helps to repeat (like a mantra) "this isn't my loved one talking -- this is the disease."
It can also help to learn everything you can about dementia and to see the behaviors in the context of a damaged brain.
But it is hard. It is really hard! And frustrating! I doubt anyone can tolerate this with perfect serenity all the time. Cut yourself some slack. You are not perfect.
But if you are going to care for a loved one with dementia you'll need an improved tolerance level to survive. I hope you will get some suggestions here. These are mine: 1) Learn all you can about your loved one's disease 2) Join a support group of other caregivers going through what you are experiencing. 3) Know that the disease changes as it progresses, and the behavior that is driving you nuts now will most likely go away and be replaced with something else. This won't last forever.
Hang in there! Remember the "love" in "loved one."
Since I picked up a pie and whipped cream for the late night crowd tonight I hope I'm not tempted to point the whipped cream canister in her direction
I have noticed that keeping little mini candy bars (especially mounds) and even peanuts in the shell soothes anyone when they're having a bad day - cracking nuts must be good therapy - keeps their hands busy
Hubby's always looking for movies at Goodwill, Walmart, etc., bought the movie aforementioned and put it in the player to watch.
I knew immediately that we had watched it no more than 3days prior.
MOM
SAT
THRU
MOVIE
NEVER said, oh!, didn't we just saw this? Or something similar. NO IDEA SHE SAW THE WHOLE THING...........
That floored me.
Her dementia is progressing. No alz, but should I mention this to her psychiatrist?
Thanks!
M
8
8
Plus over all these years of dealing with parents who were very stubborn and who wouldn't dig into their savings to make life easier for them and for me, my patience eroded away :(
My good friend always changes the answer a bit each time my mom asks her the same question repeatedly - I've never been one to lie to her but more and more in finding that to be necessary - especially when the question is "when can I go home"?
But as noted above - one day this behavior will change - many folks at my moms memory care facility can't even speak
I always find it a bit infuriating that others can respond to my mother better than me at times - last night for instance when I tried to help her get up out of a chair she snapped at me - when her favorite caregiver arrived she started complaining to her about me saying I'm tormenting her - does she really think that ? Maybe but this caregiver now spends more time with her than I do and lord knows since she's 30 years younger than me probably has far more patience than me too
It can also help to learn everything you can about dementia and to see the behaviors in the context of a damaged brain.
But it is hard. It is really hard! And frustrating! I doubt anyone can tolerate this with perfect serenity all the time. Cut yourself some slack. You are not perfect.
But if you are going to care for a loved one with dementia you'll need an improved tolerance level to survive. I hope you will get some suggestions here. These are mine:
1) Learn all you can about your loved one's disease
2) Join a support group of other caregivers going through what you are experiencing.
3) Know that the disease changes as it progresses, and the behavior that is driving you nuts now will most likely go away and be replaced with something else. This won't last forever.
Hang in there! Remember the "love" in "loved one."