Any advice on mother with dementia sending nasty emails late at night? - AgingCare.com

Any advice on mother with dementia sending nasty emails late at night?

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My mother is 75 and has been experiencing vascular related dementia for the last 3 years. Although on medication, the condition has slowly gotten worse over time. Lately, she has been sending emails late at night that accuse me of not being a loving or supportive child. She often rants and accuses us of consulting lawyers and forcing her to sign papers against her will (which has not happened). My relationship with my mother was always a very strong and healthy one. As a single parent, we have always been very close. It is very disturbing to receive these emails that basically tell me that I am a no-good, ungrateful person. When I call her the next day, she has no recollection and acts as though nothing happened. My paranoia is that the emails are reflecting a true and suppressed opinion......or is it just the dementia. Other friends and family have received late night emails that are often bizarre or do not make any sense. Has anyone else dealt with similar issues? Is this common? Many thanks for any advice or feedback

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fbragg your solution is totally brilliant.
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Wow, SoninPA, that's so interesting that when your mom is loving and lucid, she can't figure out how to use her computer, but when she's sundowning, she can use it. Another "solution" is to simply check the time on her emails and delete them without reading them. If it's something important, your mom will mention it to you when you talk to her.

And you have to quit thinking that these delusional emails may be showing some "true thought or feeling" that your mom has. Her brain is broken with her vascular dementia and she's not thinking clearly. The loving mom in the daytime is the real person. The evening "person" is the disease speaking. So don't torture yourself with that kind of reflection. It's a hurt that you don't have to feel.
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Thanks all for the answers and the feedback. Much appreciated. fbragg: Great suggestions. I know I am not the only person getting crazy (and often nasty) emails. I have suggested to most of the family that if they get a nasty email, call her the next morning around 9:00. She is usually very happy and alert and makes no mention of the email or the topic of which she was emailing. It is just very difficult to discern between what is a late night "episode" and what is her real thinking. Without live discussion, you lose the sense of tone of voice, or slurring. So you begin to wonder if she truly thinks her son is a piece of sh#* or her brothers (who she usually adores) are nasty people trying to steal her money. Anyway...many thanks again. Not sure if I'll ever get used to it...but I am trying to accept it. I like the idea of GoToMyPC. On a side note, she has lost the ability to use the computer during the day. She says there is always something wrong with it. But by 10:00 PM, she is back to making it work. I guess that's a different talking point.
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It is fairly simple to forward emails from her to go to either a free google account that you just never read, (and she wont get a bounced notice). You prob cant change her habit, and honestly i hope my mom does that rather than the crying, wandering, combative behavior that many do instead. My mom writes lots of emails but then forgets to hit send. She will find them later in drafts and send all at once. Usually its the same message 100x! I put gotomypc on her computer so i can log on and see what she is doing and who she is sending emails to. Then i can be more proactive without her knowing. She is happy, and the emotional stress for the receiver of the emails is gone. I have deleted many of her contacts and redirected emails to fake accounts. She gets to get things off her chest, and nobody gets their feelings hurt about something she cant control! And since she doesnt remember sending the hurtful email to begin with, its a win win! Hope that helps a little! {{{Hugs}}}
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what im tryin to say is -- " pathalogical " means that thoughts arent channeling thru the proper pathways in the brain . shortcuts are taken . dont think a thing of your mothers malarky . she just aint right and its going to get a heck of a lot worst .
my mother accused me of stealing money , trying to poison her , and being an imposter during her last weeks of life . you know what made it ok ? i had read every article i could get my hands on about dementia and end of life issues .
i knew what to expect ..
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there are several mental illnesses that feature " persecutory delusions " .
i recall that during my divorce several years ago from a manic depressant , her delusions of being persecuted and " feelings of being controlled " were so mindbending to me that i went to the library and read my ass off on the subject . a great writer in one of the books handed out some very helpful advice . he said that the mentally ill person has pathway problems in the brain and they actually believe their own pack of " distortions and exxagerations " and if youre not extremely careful they will sob off to a judge and have you swinging from a gallows .
i ( with humor ) recall my ex and oldest son teaming up with all kinds of absurd allegations against me . i remember telling them that the TRUTH was enough to have me hanged -- goddam , ease up with the LIES ..
lastly , i send vulgar and insulting emails to everybody i know if i get bored ( drunk and bored ) enough . im single , i have a lot of leisure time on my hands .
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Electronic sundowning. It is shocking enough when they SAY these things, I can only imagine what it is like to have them in print. Fears loom large and rational thinking is no longer strong enough to keep them at bay. Sometimes they cannot even distinguish nightmares from reality.

Talk to a doctor who could consider a low dose of maybe an anti-anxiety med even if a little sedating to be given in the evenings. This is a tough problem though....

Maybe send her sweet e-mails with happy pictures! Maybe during her better times of day she can enjoy them.
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