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My mom is depressed and withdrawn, shutting herself in her AL apartment and not pressing her button for assistance. Her kitty stays with me and she desperately wants his companionship but she refuses to take him in. I think it would cheer her up & give her reasons to live; however because she doesn’t ask for help, I’m afraid she’ll trip over the cat and not let anyone know what’s happening. Instead of her cat, I’m wondering about a companion but don’t know where to start. My mom is an elitist and exceptionally smart; however has almost zero life skills when it comes to making friends or connecting with others. Any advice or suggestions ?

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Grandma1954 8/6/23
Since she is in AL have you talked to the Activities Director to see what they are doing to get her engaged in the community? The staff should be checking in on her weather she presses her button or not.

Is she good at anything in particular? Maybe there are classes or projects that she could help with or partake in. (If she quilted, there may be a quilting group. Or if she gardened I am sure they have a garden club. If she traveled to an interesting location maybe she could do a little presentation and talk about the trip and show photos)
I think you should bring the cat to her and tell her that you are going out of town for the weekend and ask if she could take the cat for a few days. See how it works out.
There are Volunteer groups that do visit people.

And a wild suggestion....
I Volunteer with a Hospice. Hospice is always looking for Volunteers to visit patients. Many of the patients live in facilities. If it is of interest to her she could look into becoming a Hospice Volunteer and she can visit people in her own community. Most visits are short, no more than 3 or 4 hours and in a facility I would guess much shorter than a home visit. No direct "hands on care" is done.
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Some churches have outreach programs, check with hers.

Inexpensive doesn't go with hiring someone to be her extra companion She doesn't need that, she needs to walk out of her room and associate with the many people in her AL.

Talk to the admin and see what can be done to get your mother out of her room.

You cannot make her happy no matter what you do, that is an inside job.
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We found private caregivers through recommendations from friends. Ask everyone you know! Our private sitters happen to come from a church and have worked out wonderfully. I hope you find a good fit for mom.
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Look into your community for volunteers who can visit your mom..
What about nursing students trying to make extra income. Can you ask your friends to visit your mom for an hour a week and take her to the AL activitites? If you have many friends, maybe they can take turns going till mom gets used to going alone to the AL activities .
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I find it a waste of money to hire an aide or companion when in an Assisted Living. Thats what the activities and outings are for, to socialize. I may find someone to help get her involved but once she realizes there are things outside her room, she should not need a companion.

Your Mom may be a brillant woman but she had a stroke and strokes do damage. And, you do not know if she is having mini ones.

The cat, she has to be able to care for it. Staff is not required to feed it or clean out the little box. If Mom can do that, then I think having the cat with her is great.
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