Your mom probably has dementia. This will get worse, not better. Also, she doesn't have the right to tell you what to do.
You and siblings need a plan to make sure mom isn't ever responsible for dad again, but the plan shouldn't be any of you taking care of them. They need placement. Send a note to the PCP and try to get the ball rolling that way.
If you have to care for either of them in your home, you will regret it. So don't let that happen. Find a nice care facility where they have 24/7 care, recreation and food. Then hightail it out of there as far as you can go.
Mom beyond burn out. Abusive deceptive and threatening. She has declined following up with respite leads and home health aide. Whom does one build a care team with?
I have said the words "social worker" to my siblings many times but they are there and are moving forward w/o that input. Mom has been sole caregiver of Dad for 5 years, and 2.5 weeks ago in a big fight, she said she couldn't do it anymore, that she was done. She told us to take him, and that we would have to take care of him so he went to my sisters' house nearby. She is now saying we kidnapped him, and she wants him back. We don't think he is safe with her. She lies. She doesn't have a good handle on the finances.
You and siblings need a plan to make sure mom isn't ever responsible for dad again, but the plan shouldn't be any of you taking care of them. They need placement. Send a note to the PCP and try to get the ball rolling that way.
If you have to care for either of them in your home, you will regret it. So don't let that happen. Find a nice care facility where they have 24/7 care, recreation and food. Then hightail it out of there as far as you can go.
That's what respite care is for. Regular respite so the caregiver gets a break.
Once she calms down maybe she can start talking about the future.
Who else is in the 'care team'?
Has DM explained her reasons? Can these be worked through?