Is there an agency to help an adult child cross all the T's? Someone has called DHR on my parents' home. Is there a checklist of any kind to help my brother as caregiver of our parents? I buy supplies, send supplies, I set up a housekeeper for them (they had to quit due to allergies to cleaning products?) and had the house detailed for $300 when I was there last month. I work 2 jobs and also care for my husband who is near retirement after heart surgery.

I am 750 miles away and try to give support in any way I am able when not able to be there. I am there for him to talk to - and he called me upset that someone has called DHR. My unmarried brother has no other responsibilities but them. They are his life.

He was gone for 2-3 hours handing their bills and getting groceries. He was told that he cannot leave them for that long, but he has to go pick up food for them. How long is too long? The man did not say.

If there is a DHR checklist somewhere I would be most appreciative to send this along to him. I told him he may need to find someone capable of staying with them for certain amounts of time. We just need to find out what that time is.

I am having him call a lady at the local hospital (social worker) that was instrumental in giving us information. I told him maybe she can help him, and I will try to see what I can find here.

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Our LO care plan includes providing the following services:

· Bathing {shower}
· Dressing
· Grooming skin care
· Perineal care
· Hair Care {wash and comb}
· Meal planning,
. preparation and service
. wash dishes
· Personal laundry and linens
· Make/change bed
· Plant care
. shopping and errands
· Personal
· Prompting and reminders
· Change adult briefs
· Assist with toileting
. re position bed-bound clients
· Assist with active range-of-motion activities
. light housekeeping
· Help with organization –clean closets, etc
· Grocery shopping
· Travel accompaniment

Each of these service must be discussed with providers and fully understood.

Quoting one of my favorite contributors to knowledge network groups
Attorney at law Kevin P. Keane:
"agreements not reduced to writing, are NOT worth the paper they ain't written on."
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One other thing....or your brother understand that as the parents get worse, they will REALLY need 24/7 care. It is physically impossible for one relative to give 24/7 care alone and if the goal is to keep them at home, he WILL...and they WILL have to agree to some care giver help. Medicaid does pay for helpers in the home, should you need to get them qualified for that. And secondly, another resource would be to look on line for the State Dept of Health and find some contact info so you can call or email someone there and ASK what the standard is for leaving the parents alone. There has to be a standard of care that they are working from and your brother has a legal right to know what that number is. someone else suggested, get their doctor to put it in writing in some way as to whether or not they can be alone for any time frame. Do you have a home alarm system or panic necklace like Lifeline, that they wear if alone, so they can call in help? That is what I did with my Mom who is home alone for about 12 hours at night currently and has Alzheimer's, early stage. She has caregivers daily for 6 to 8 hours, because I live out of town. we are working towards an assisted living placement for her but she is adamant that she is going to die in her own we're moving slowly and waiting to have to tell her she is out of money and we have to sell the house. Then she'll have no choice but to move...but so far, I've been able to keep her home for two extra years since the diagnosis.
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If there is an home care agency involved even minimally, then these agencies will not ever investigate to recommend removal from the home. The big buzz word to use is that you have a plan to keep the parents safe. Brother needs a break and a good agency will try to send someone who is a good match. The most important skill to ask about is good communications and an ability to become a 'friend' who is interested in doing things the way the parent wants...give the parents as much control as possible. I got caregivers in for my dad, after police were called several times, by explaining that if they would agree to a few hours a couple days a week, then there would be no chance that some agency would show up and tell them what they had to do, because they had a plan in place already. Brother should try that discussion with them.
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WhystleStop; good to hear and glad he is getting some respite. I haven't figured that part out yet, but can already feel that I will need it. LOVE my Mom but I think it would be good for both of us!
One day at a time brother, one day at a time :-)
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Okay, I found there was more involved, and brother seems much, much better today. He has at least two people that are qualified to come help him for respite, and for errands.

I am so very happy and relieved that he is learning going forward and that many of the things I have suggested are things he has been told from friends there where they live.

Thank you so much for the answers, and I did forward all of them to him for his understanding. There is more to the situation (regarding false accusations leveled against my brother), but it is being taken care of. He is at his doctor's and in good spirits now, awaiting the possibility of another visit from DHR.

I will continue to monitor this thread and
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I'm not sure. Get what revoked?

I have already loaded my brother down with all kinds of information about the local Adult daycare (they won't go), the meals on wheels (they don't qualify for free meals and don't like the food when they did pay for it), and they did try the companionship service (but my mom told them to take their attitude with them and don't come back) - they sent someone culturally different than my mom and she was mad for days about it.

I have reminded him of the availability of help, but it is apparently a day at a time thing and with his (obvious) exhaustion he feels he is doing all he can. Since they have mostly supported him all his life (he is 49 now) it is safe to say that it is in his best interest to keep them healthy, safe, and as 'happy' as they can be, which for them is staying in their own home. He has said some threatening things if someone tries to take them and put them in a nursing home.

He isn't just protecting them, he is protecting his own life.
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Be sure you get it revoked for your brother.. and evidently hire help, when he goes out.
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jeannegibbs; I believe DHR is like our Dept. of Human Services, i.e. APS.

My mom recently reached the point of requiring 24/7 care. I found an adult day care center right by my work and she loves it there! I can drop her off and pick her up each day. They charge by the hour so if you can find a local one your brother could drop them off for a 1/2 a day or even a full day to allow him to catch his breath. The area agency on aging in my area also offers companion care; they send over someone for a maximum of 3 hours to do things with the individual(s) like reading to them, taking them to McDonalds, watching a show, etc. The Area Agency on Aging is a wonderful resource tool and can offer many suggestions as well as help! You can find them on the internet. Good luck and bless your brothers heart.
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I don't know what DHR is. Is it like Adult Protective Services?

I think the plans you have are great. Talk to a social worker. Also talk to your parents' doctor about the level of care they need.

Brother can't be confined to the house 24/7. He needs to be able to do outside errands and he also needs some time for his own recreation. If parents' do need 24/7 supervision, then there absolutely must be some in-home care for your parents. Maybe is is a good wake-up call to make arrangements that will be better for both your parents and your brother.

I agree with Babalou that it is time to look into what other resources are available in the area, and also Medicaid if help is needed to pay for them.
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You should talk to your parents' doctor. Have they been found to be in need of 24/7 supervision? It sounds like that may be the case.

Your brother needs to have regular respite if he's going to be able to care for them at home. Has he been in touch with the local Area Agency on Aging to find out what services are available, like adult day care.

Are your parents compensating your brother for his time through a caregiving contract? If they have funds, they should be paying for additional caregivers. If not, he should apply for Medicaid on their behalf.
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