Scares me that my mom's well-being is in our hands. My mom is 59 and has leukemia and multiple sclerosis. My step dad is 75 (I think). They live in Alabama.
I am terribly nervous about the financial responsibility of supporting my mother if my step dad passes. I am afraid my siblings and I (there are three of us) can't afford to keep my mom healthy (she has a lot of expenses medically and her health is getting worse) if something happens to my step-dad (my step dad has a son...I don't even know what is the "right" thing to do if my mom passes first).
I am also afraid how this will affect my marriage and my relationship with my siblings. And their relationship with their spouses. I don't want anyone to fight or feel like they are being taken advantage of.
My sister has 4 kids and carrying 2 mortgages. They live on one income...she stays home with the kids...they are young. I believe when the three youngest get to school she will work again. They live in Alabama.
My brother has a child (baby) and his wife's family lives in a different country (she needs to visit them...it's only fair) and they are also one income. She is going to school...I think getting her PHD in psychology. I think she will work eventually. They live in Alabama.
My husband and I have no kids. We live in NY. Though we have no children we do provide share support for my father in law. I am not sure if that will last forever though. It is a touchy subject. My husband and I have put off having a family. We wanted to wait until we were settled and could financially afford a family. We were thinking about doing this in in 3-5 years (if we do it). I am afraid if my mom's savings and assets don't cover here needs for life (which I do not think will) that we will not have a family. In 2013 I was diagnosed with cancer and now we have our own medical expenses (about $5K a year). I am in real estate and started working again in Jan of 2015. I have yet to make more than $2000 this year. It really affected my business and I am still very weak and depressed. Cancer is crazy. I don't know if I can work a "normal" job. We are trying to save for our future and retirement. Its tough. I feel like I need to find a salary job. Husband does not want me too because I would lose all that I have put into this career path.
I have always known this (discussion about my mom's future) was coming but it really hit hard today talking about this. I don't want one of us to feel the burden more than the other. And I don't want my mom to feel bad. We love her so much.
But how can we avoid people getting upset or sad? I think that is to be expected.
I also want to know how do we figure out what is needed to be done? We need to prepare. What steps should we be taking? Are there grants for support? What does life insurance cover (I am not sure my mom has this...I feel bad to bring it up...how do I bring it up?). How much will it cost to support and maintain my mom? So many questions....
My mom and step dad have a home. I don't want the state or government to take away the home if we struggle. I would rather get it in our name and sell later if we have too to help pay for things. How do we do this properly?
I have not talked to my mom or my step dad about this. Only my sister and I have spoken about it. I will be speaking to my husband tonight. My brother has not been a part of this discussion yet. I believe the 6 of us (my siblings and the spouses) will be speaking about this in the next year.