Mom is in LTC and about to requalify for Medicaid and enter the spend-down process. On April 1, her benefits will go to the nursing home, except $50. She has stage 4 lung and liver cancer and they have recently started her on morphine to ease her breathing. Hospice thinks she has maximum 3 months left. LTC will be $11k per month, which we will have to pay back through Medicaid after she dies. Mom has some assets and a 2nd loan we could use to try to get her back into her house for a short-time on private pay before she passes. She would need 24 hour care. For the few thousand $$ extra per month for a short while, I would love to get my mother home. I know that’s what she wants. Has anyone else done/tried this? Is it realistic? Would welcome thoughts and experience.

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The people I know that did this had a lot of people willing to do hands on care and 2 nurses in the family, they also had very deep pockets. Consider your Mom's quality of life very carefully, there are many things that can be accomplished in a (good) nursing home that you just can't do in the average house - having access to a big spa bath was a real positive for us, the ability to be out of bed and moving about the facility as well as having some possibility of companionship and entertainment (minimal as it was), and the reassurance of an RN on hand 24/7 is huge. The other side of the coin is just being HOME and somewhat autonomous, which for your mother may more than offset what is not available, but it is a huge burden for the caregiver (and the timeline is never certain).
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Reply to cwillie

You could certainly bring her home under hospice care. They will provide the hospital bed, oxygen, any supplies needed, along with any medications needed as well. Now at first a nurse will only come once a week to check her vitals and such, and an aide will come to bathe her twice a week. So as you can see, you would still need to have 24/7 care lined up for her, from either family members or outside hired help. It's a lot of work, I cannot lie, but it most certainly can be done, if that is what you really want. As hard as it will be, it would still allow you to be with your mom in her final days or months. And you can't put a price on that. May God give you the strength and courage to do what's best for your mom.
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Reply to funkygrandma59

My husband, who had brain cancer, was home for the last two months of his life. I had support from hospice and paid aides, but it was not always 24/7. We were on our own usually from after dinner until breakfast the next morning. But until the last week or so, someone else took care of feeding, bathing, and dressing him. He stayed in his hospital bed in the living room and had someone there - a hospice aide or family member - all of the time for companionship.

It was tough, but what he wanted and I'm glad we did it. He was much happier there than he had been at a nursing home. He died at home with me holding his hand and an aide at our side. After he died, hospice came in and helped me make the necessary phone calls to have his death legally pronounced and his body moved to the funeral home for the cremation we had pre-arranged. And a chaplain from hospice came to pray with me. I don't have enough good things to say about hospice support.
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Reply to Amywoody
babziellia Mar 14, 2021
My mom's np recently told me it's time to line up a hospice service (and not wait for her to need it). Was your hospice local or national? Who did you use?
Hello, both my mother, and father stayed at home while I stayed there with them to take care of them with hospice coming into the home at first a couple times a week, and as needed they came more frequently.
I was running a business at the time that had to be put on hold, I didn't have a lot of money saved so that part was hard.
Hospice was something I resented at first because I didn't like the idea that they said my parents were dying, and didn't have much time left.
Ultimately, my parents got to stay in their home with family around until the end, and the people from hospice by that time actually felt like family.
They are very unique individuals, that truly care, and know how to help people through this phase of someone's life. I couldn't have kept my parents at home without them, and will never forget them for their efforts, care, and graciousness.
If you have a way to stay home with your mom, do it. It's not going to be easy, but you'll feel better knowing you did all you could to help her stay at home through the end.
If you can't do it, at least you know you tried your best to bring her home.....Best of luck
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Reply to Nevertoheal

Do what you want to do. It’s your decision. If you feel that you are able to handle it emotionally and in practical terms, then do it.

Wishing you peace during this difficult time.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

A friend's mother fell at her NH during COVID restrictions and was taken to the hospital from which the daughter was able to check mother out into her own care and take her home. With both daughter and hired care taking, they had a peaceful and comfortable summer together before the mother died and it was worth every penny.
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Reply to RedVanAnnie

My dad’s time at home with hospice services started out smoothly enough, but when his needs got intense it was clear that we couldn’t maintain that level of care for very long at all. Providing care 24 hours a day is beyond hard, I hired extra help and they were wonderful, there were still all manner of expected things that happened. It’s impossible to anticipate and prepare for each situation. It was doable, but he lasted less than two months, much longer I can’t imagine that we could have kept it up. I’m sorry you’re going through this and wish you both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930

My father, aged 90, had been in a nice MC facility for almost a year when covid and the lockdowns began. He too was on hospice, but his prognosis with stage 4 cancer and Alzheimers was 6 months give or take. 2 months into lockdown he lost the drive to get up and struggle through another lonely day. Window visits with a phone in hand no longer interested him. My brother & I decided to get him into a handicap accessible apt. With 24/7 help. We agreed that no matter the cost, whatever $ he had left it’d be worth it. It was!! Hospice is incredible and brought nurses to Dad so we could avoid crowds at Dr. offices. My dad was able to get outside, take walks, have company and feel cherished again. Before that he’d ask why I’d put him in “the loneliest place on Earth?” It broke my heart! We went through a few caregivers before finding our “A” team, but were so happy to have Dad out. He lasted 7 months, had his 91st b-day with us & died last month at home with us all right there encouraging him to go ahead and join mom again. It’s expensive, and not everyone can do it, but it was worth every penny to see my dad wake up wondering and looking forward to what he could do that day with me or his favorite caregivers. He started whistling again and was happy, even though AZ progressed and made him more forgetful.
I do encourage you to bring your mom home! Be sure and have the help you’ll need though. Next to impossible to do it all yourself for any length of time. Good luck and God bless/
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Reply to DadsGurl
Daughterof1930 Mar 9, 2021
Your dad was blessed to have you
As long as you create a strong support system to help you care for her, it would be a wonderful idea. You may be able to find people in your community for less pay than an agency to handle the 24 hrs with hospice nurse coming in to help with the meds and keeping her comfortable. Having her home would probably be good for you and for her if you can swing it.
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Reply to my2cents

When my son was dying of aids i took total care of him in my home. There was no question of him going anyplace else ... even if my husband had said no which he didnt. He welcomed my son into our home.

at first my son could walk to the living room then gradually stayed longer bed till he died. I slept on a mat on the floor. I slept when he did except for some times i spent with my husband who worked a regular job.

he lived 3 months from the time he entered in the hospital till he died.

i was 52. He was 32.

it was virtually exhausting, i think
due to stress more than anything else. I slept on a mat on the floor. I slept when he did except for some times i spent with my husband who worked a regular job so wasnt home all the time.

yes i would do it again but i dont know how many times i could do it since im older now.

i think it all goes to health, age, and determination of the caregiver.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Betsysue2002
sunshinelife Mar 9, 2021
you brought tears to my eyes..What a beautiful soul you are.
You took care of your lovely son until he stepped across to the spirit world where the Angels took him and cared for him. Im sure he will be there to greet you when you too, return home.
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