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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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So what are you going to do for health insurance, dental insurance, paying into a retirement account for when you get sick in your golden years and how are you going to pay into your Social security so that you get a check when you are retired. Or do you plan to be dirt poor for the rest of your life?
Also, where are the other two people who are going to each take 8 hour shifts? It takes 3 adults to care for 1 adult.
Where will you get grocery money from? Car insurance and gas money? Don’t say her.
Do you plan to take care of her for the next 30 years? Elders live into their 90s now, even if they are sick.
Taking care of her the way she took care of you isn't possible. Those are two different things.
If she changed your diapers, she knew you'd grow out of them, and baby poop is baby size. Easy to clean up and dispose of. An adult's poop is comparatively HUGE. Wiping it is a major job and has to be done carefully so as not to encourage skin sores, which can kill an adult if they get septic. Diarrhea in an adult is MAJOR. It can kill them from dehydration and other medical reasons, which you've probably never heard of and neither have I. Disposing of used adult diapers is a hassle; not enough room in a regular garbage can, so where else can you put them? Figure it out, honey. That's gonna be your job.
Not in diapers yet? Just wait.
She can't sleep at night, so she keeps you awake. When will you catch up on your sleep in between cooking, laundering, scrubbing floors, cleaning the toilet, shopping, cooking, etc. etc.? You think she'll be doing all that? Not for long. She needs a care slave because she can't or doesn't want to do those things now.
Where will your friends be? Not with you! You're a caregiver and have different interests. They're out dancing, riding in cars with friends, going to festivals, each others' weddings, and on vacations (forget about that, you're a caregiver now, and there's no one to stay with Granny). And on and on.
Don't do this. Don't be manipulated by dear Granny, who should have planned better for her old age. You deserve better.
I agree with everything, except the bit about manipulation. We don't know that. When I was young, I proposed moving in with my stepdad's mum. My mum, who understood more about the day to day care involved, at that time, said absolutely not. Grandma wasn't manipulating me. She was much older than Castillo's grandmother, and lived longer still, looked after in a care home where they mixed up her clothes with those of other residents and all the other minor things people get upset about. But she was safe. And I was free to live my life.
What steps do you take to be grandmas caregiver? You start by saying NO!!! Just because she took care of you does not mean that you have to take care of her. You deserve to have your own life, a good paying job and family and shouldn't be tied down being someone's caregiver. You deserve better and if your grandma really loved you she would agree.
Do not do it. She took care of you so you could have a future. People who love their children raise them so that they can go out into the world and build fulfilling lives. They do not expect that they tie themselves down to a decades-long slog of caregiving.
Your grandmother might be a nice lady but she is being extremely selfish to even ask this.
Find another plan. You will regret agreeing to this. Your life will be over before it has begun.
I write this as a 69 year old woman who would NEVER ask this of my granddaughters.
68 is young . You could waste another 10 - 20 Years of your Life when you should Be traveling , Finding a Mate , Having a career . She Needs to take care of herself . Once you get sucked In It Is very hard to get out of the Vortex. go Live your own life she Made Her bed . help when you can But dont sacrifice your Life for this Person .
Please don't think we're being harsh in telling you all of this. We're all caregivers (most of us are older) and we know what trauma (yes, trauma.... no matter how much you love your parent/grandparent!) comes with caregiving.
What do you want for YOUR life? If your grandmother is 68, I'm assuming that you are pretty young. You have your entire life ahead of you. You mention that your grandmother has a lot of health issues - but do they really require a full time caregiver?
You'll note that literally every response is "don't do it". There is a reason for that - and it's not because people don't understand that you love your grandmother and want to help her. It sounds like maybe she raised you from your post? And it is understandable that you would want to help her.
But if she stepped in and raised you - does she not want you to have the life you deserve? To be able to go out into this world and find your own life, your own family, a future of your own?
If you are caregiving for your grandmother - what does that mean for you? Does that mean that you will never have your own family? A job that will allow you to have insurance or save for your own retirement?
Your grandmother is 68. For context my grandmother just passed away a few months ago - at 98. I want you to put that into perspective. Your grandmother - unless she has some kind of terminal illness that shortens life severely - likely has a good number of years left. Are you prepared to essentially give up the biggest chunk of your early and even middle adult years to be her unpaid caregiver? And then when the eventual does happen- you will suddenly be there on your own, having to figure out how to fit back into life, and start from there.
There are ways that you can care for your grandmother without it being hands on and giving up your entire life.
Listen to this one! I didn't live with my mom but spent countless days,8 years, leaving work and taking her to Dr appointments and keeping her finances straight. And that was just the easy part? When she went to assisted living/memory care it got better but the damage had already been done. She's been gone for a year and a half and I haven't moved on. I still can't find it in me to get motivated and I don't want to. I'm quite content just doing nothing because I did everything for so long. One day, maybe I'll feel rested enough to get back to normal, if it's possible? I don't think there's anything normal after being a caregiver.
The question you have to ask yourself is whether you wish to get a good-paying job/satisfying career with perks and a 401k, have a rich social life, date/get married/have kids of your own... or do you want to be a solo caregiver to someone who will get progressively more dependent and decline physically and maybe even cognitively -- and it will become pretty difficult to do the above (aka have a "normal" life for someone your age). Caregiving full-time is not really for someone your age. It is only for those who fully understand the sacrifice it will involve and are willing to take it on for an unknown number of years or decades or until they burn out and need help themselves. Someone your age should at the very minimum have a written employment contract and stipulate that your Grandmother assign you as her medical and financial PoA. No working beyond 40 hrs. She cannot expect you to be on-call or never go on vacation. You will need to have a reliable sub plan for your off hours, sick days and vacations. At 68, if she lives until 88, she will need substantial assets to pay you that many years, and maybe beyond. There are many posts on this forum by grandchildren who are now stuck as caregivers, are burning out, have no money saved, no work history, no future once their elder passes away. Some elders promise them the house, which is not a thing unless she actually adds you the deed or has a legitimate Will created that includes you getting the house. If she lives long enough to need MC, she may need to sell the house to pay for that care if you are not willing/able to care for her at that point. Please please go into this with your eyes wide open. Don't agree to it because she didn't make any other plans, or is guilting you. You do not owe her this. You won't be any help to her if you are burned out, depressed and bitter.
Please read the responses here and please make another plan. Do not become her caregiver - become her advocate if you want - but not her caregiver. They are two very different roles. As her advocate you will educate yourself and find the best solutions you can, but you will not sacrifice your young life to take on a job that will isolate you, frustrate you, and go on and on as she declines. It is the opposite of caring for the typical child, who becomes stronger and more independent each day. You will be trying to manage continuous decline. Don’t do it.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My mother just passed she was 100, your grandmother could easily live another 20-25 years and you will be left with nothing,
Take the time to read around this site, it will open your eyes.
Also, where are the other two people who are going to each take 8 hour shifts? It takes 3 adults to care for 1 adult.
Where will you get grocery money from? Car insurance and gas money? Don’t say her.
Do you plan to take care of her for the next 30 years? Elders live into their 90s now, even if they are sick.
If she changed your diapers, she knew you'd grow out of them, and baby poop is baby size. Easy to clean up and dispose of. An adult's poop is comparatively HUGE. Wiping it is a major job and has to be done carefully so as not to encourage skin sores, which can kill an adult if they get septic. Diarrhea in an adult is MAJOR. It can kill them from dehydration and other medical reasons, which you've probably never heard of and neither have I. Disposing of used adult diapers is a hassle; not enough room in a regular garbage can, so where else can you put them? Figure it out, honey. That's gonna be your job.
Not in diapers yet? Just wait.
She can't sleep at night, so she keeps you awake. When will you catch up on your sleep in between cooking, laundering, scrubbing floors, cleaning the toilet, shopping, cooking, etc. etc.? You think she'll be doing all that? Not for long. She needs a care slave because she can't or doesn't want to do those things now.
Where will your friends be? Not with you! You're a caregiver and have different interests. They're out dancing, riding in cars with friends, going to festivals, each others' weddings, and on vacations (forget about that, you're a caregiver now, and there's no one to stay with Granny). And on and on.
Don't do this. Don't be manipulated by dear Granny, who should have planned better for her old age. You deserve better.
When I was young, I proposed moving in with my stepdad's mum. My mum, who understood more about the day to day care involved, at that time, said absolutely not.
Grandma wasn't manipulating me.
She was much older than Castillo's grandmother, and lived longer still, looked after in a care home where they mixed up her clothes with those of other residents and all the other minor things people get upset about. But she was safe.
And I was free to live my life.
Just because she took care of you does not mean that you have to take care of her.
You deserve to have your own life, a good paying job and family and shouldn't be tied down being someone's caregiver.
You deserve better and if your grandma really loved you she would agree.
Your grandmother might be a nice lady but she is being extremely selfish to even ask this.
Find another plan. You will regret agreeing to this. Your life will be over before it has begun.
I write this as a 69 year old woman who would NEVER ask this of my granddaughters.
You'll note that literally every response is "don't do it". There is a reason for that - and it's not because people don't understand that you love your grandmother and want to help her. It sounds like maybe she raised you from your post? And it is understandable that you would want to help her.
But if she stepped in and raised you - does she not want you to have the life you deserve? To be able to go out into this world and find your own life, your own family, a future of your own?
If you are caregiving for your grandmother - what does that mean for you? Does that mean that you will never have your own family? A job that will allow you to have insurance or save for your own retirement?
Your grandmother is 68. For context my grandmother just passed away a few months ago - at 98. I want you to put that into perspective. Your grandmother - unless she has some kind of terminal illness that shortens life severely - likely has a good number of years left. Are you prepared to essentially give up the biggest chunk of your early and even middle adult years to be her unpaid caregiver? And then when the eventual does happen- you will suddenly be there on your own, having to figure out how to fit back into life, and start from there.
There are ways that you can care for your grandmother without it being hands on and giving up your entire life.
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