Hi! Been reading through many of the posts here for advice and decided to post for the first time. I'm a 25 year old living with my parents after many attempts to move out, completing graduate school, and a lot of time spent in retail/entry level work. In lieu of the corona virus pandemic, my family moved my 89 year old grandmother into our home as it became clear that it was dangerous to go back and forth between our home and hers. She had been living on her own with assistance from home care nurses a few days a week. My father and I also made visits multiple times a week. My grandmother has been the most difficult relationship I've had my entire life. She gets jealous of my mother, has been judgmental about my appearance, relationships, decisions where to go to school, decisions where to live, constantly concerned about who I spend time with, worried about drinking/drugs like I'm an elementary schooler. She has also done so much for me and I know she loves me and appreciates me. However, because of years of resentment that can't be unpacked here, I am finding it hard to find the empathy and patience I need to be around her everyday now that I along with my father, mother, and brother (moved back home during pandemic) are responsible for caring for her, feeding her and socializing with her. I feel selfish sometimes reading the stories of others knowing that I am not alone or the sole caretaker of my grandmother. Yet, I was not prepared for the constant throat clearing, constant complaints about her body, having to entertain her when she won't entertain herself, and generally feeling like a prisoner in a home I have already been trying so desperately to leave. I'm confused on whether I'm angry at my grandmother, frustrated that I haven't been able to move out, frustrated about COVID-19, or compounding all of these things. All of this is making it hard to genuinely love on my grandmother and making me resentful while doing the things I need to do to help.
I do not like my grandmother and now she is living with my family indefinitely. It is really hard to perform caregiving tasks (cooking, cleaning, moving) and socialize with her because of years of a poor relationship. I feel like an evil person because I cannot wait for this to be over. And yes; I speak with a therapist lol.
Sorry for the essay. I hope I don't sound like an "entitled millennial". Just needed a place to vent if anything.