I guess I really should look at the profiles.. So CM hinted that you used to live very close to mom, but you moved away...maybe seems like you feel a bit guilty? seriously look at your situation.. take it easy now covid... and talk with your family members... what choices do you have? What choices are there? Anyone else stepping in to help out?
You used to live next door to your mother. You and your boyfriend have been together for fourteen years, and recently? moved a half hour's journey away from your mother.
Now you have become concerned about how she's going to manage, and... are thinking about your options? Have already suggested she should move in with you?
How far have you got with your plans? What are your mother's thoughts?
Well I moved away about 10 years ago I moved in with my boyfriend he bought a house its about 20 mins from her we tried to look close by but couldnt find a place cheap enough tried to stay as close as i can She's been doing fine but then she fell and fractured her hip and her life as changed and also mentally not the same person after her surgery So she dicided to sell her house but there was a cute place about 5 min from me but she always find some kind of excuse about everyplace but she wants to live alone and she probably could as long as she s 5 min from either me or my sister We sugguested her moving with us and we would add a room mayb bathroom so she could have her own space and we still have our space but she would have to pay for it when her house is sold cause were just making ends meet ourselves Were both on fixed income but she don't seem interest cause i know she wants her own place See when she got out of hospital my sister stayed with her overnight was suppose to just be for a little while till she get around but my sister overdid it and still sleeping there and now my mother is scared to stay alone at night or maybe just saying it cause she likes the company She wasn't like this before she had her surgery But my son her grandson lives a next lot over So it was really dumb for her to sell her house She's suppose to be out by May 26th but we want to try to extend it cause of this pandemic She s not easy cause very stubborn. I hope this all makes sense its alot of explaining lol Thanks for the response
95 years old? come on.. find a place for mom close to you if you don't want her living with you... 95 years old... She probably is very needy and for good reason.. she is 95... Take your time, especially now.. covid19 is nothing to sneeze at.. So, just tell her she needs to stay in place... virus.. very serious... this should give you some time to find a place for her if you don't want her at your home... You know what they say about "property" LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION... So look at places close to you, so you can be comfortably close to her... She needs family.. 95 years old, do look for a place within 5 miles for both you and her. If you feel you cannot physically take care of her, your family, and work,,, then it is up to you to find a place for mom, CLOSE TO YOU... Trust me.. this will be okay... within a 5 minute to 15 minute driving distance will be okay. Between home and work is perfect... I actually did that... So if I needed to stop and see my elders, I was able to...without going out of my way... THIS BIT OF INFO IS IMPORTANT... You really don't know until you need to.. do your homework.. visit places, multiple times, do not tell them you are visiting... surprise them.. It's the best way... once we are out of covid19....
Don't do it! I wish I hadn't, my life has suffered trying to accommodate mum and she's 73. Don't do it if you have alternative options as in assisted living or memory care facility.(different terms for different countries greatly differ from what they call assisted living) example assisted living in Australia just means meals, that's all. Somewhere along the line she will take over your life with her medical, emotional & physical needs. Sure all of us live-in carers feel good in someway that we are not putting family member into a facility but the question to ask is do any of us regret it. I certainly do. I do love my mum but the impact alone on my mental health & social & fatigue from caring for elderly parent is to much.
Looking after someone who is elderly is 10 times harder than looking after a child. Caring for a elderly parent is like looking after a toddler that knows how to press all of your buttons the wrong way.
Hi, Liljo. Welcome to our forum. Hope we can help. There are hundreds of posts here from people who have taken parents in to their homes to live with them. More detail on your situation, your mother’s health, and any details you’d care to share about your past relationship with your mom would help us. Is your mother medically fragile? Does she have dementia or other mental concerns? If so, do you feel you will be able to handle it? Will you be prepared to assist her with bathing and toileting? Will you have help to give you a break? Are you prepared to be “on call” 24/7/365? Will Mom. be able to assist with finances? Your utilities and food bill will increase.
Mom could very well become too needy if you jump and run every time she wants something. If you let her do things she is capable of doing, it might not be that bad.
Please feel free to come back with any questions. This is a great forum!
At 95, you are right about her becoming needy. Are you sure that you are up to caring for her? Maybe getting her some in home assistance would be better.
seriously look at your situation.. take it easy now covid... and talk with your family members... what choices do you have? What choices are there? Anyone else stepping in to help out?
You used to live next door to your mother. You and your boyfriend have been together for fourteen years, and recently? moved a half hour's journey away from your mother.
Now you have become concerned about how she's going to manage, and... are thinking about your options? Have already suggested she should move in with you?
How far have you got with your plans? What are your mother's thoughts?
Take your time, especially now.. covid19 is nothing to sneeze at..
So, just tell her she needs to stay in place... virus.. very serious...
this should give you some time to find a place for her if you don't want her at your home...
You know what they say about "property" LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION...
So look at places close to you, so you can be comfortably close to her... She needs family.. 95 years old, do look for a place within 5 miles for both you and her. If you feel you cannot physically take care of her, your family, and work,,, then it is up to you to find a place for mom, CLOSE TO YOU... Trust me.. this will be okay... within a 5 minute to 15 minute driving distance will be okay. Between home and work is perfect... I actually did that... So if I needed to stop and see my elders, I was able to...without going out of my way... THIS BIT OF INFO IS IMPORTANT... You really don't know until you need to..
do your homework.. visit places, multiple times, do not tell them you are visiting... surprise them.. It's the best way... once we are out of covid19....
I wish I hadn't, my life has suffered trying to accommodate mum and she's 73. Don't do it if you have alternative options as in assisted living or memory care facility.(different terms for different countries greatly differ from what they call assisted living) example assisted living in Australia just means meals, that's all. Somewhere along the line she will take over your life with her medical, emotional & physical needs. Sure all of us live-in carers feel good in someway that we are not putting family member into a facility but the question to ask is do any of us regret it. I certainly do. I do love my mum but the impact alone on my mental health & social & fatigue from caring for elderly parent is to much.
Looking after someone who is elderly is 10 times harder than looking after a child. Caring for a elderly parent is like looking after a toddler that knows how to press all of your buttons the wrong way.
Mom could very well become too needy if you jump and run every time she wants something. If you let her do things she is capable of doing, it might not be that bad.
Please feel free to come back with any questions. This is a great forum!
At 95, you are right about her becoming needy. Are you sure that you are up to caring for her? Maybe getting her some in home assistance would be better.