My mother thinks that my sister is someone else, I have corrected her a few times and she then recognizes my sister. On the other hand my sister just lets my Mom think she is a friend, I do not think that is good for either one. My sister gets aggravated at me when I suggest that she corrects Mom. My Mom seldom treated my sister lovingly when she was growing up (me either but I left at 15) So now my Mom treats her a little bit better, I guess my Sister doesn’t want to rock the boat. Opinions?

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As her symptoms worsen your mom will get more and more forgetful. It's important to know how to respond to what she believes. Correcting mom has no benefit and can cause confrontation. By just stating your name and not your relationship can work better. Eventually your mom may not recognize you either. "Learning to Speak Alheirmer's" is an excellent book that will help you to better communicate with your mom.
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Reply to sjplegacy

With my Mom, and I think this is true with others suffering from a dementia, the ability to reason is the first thing to go. Put with that short term memory loss and the ability to process what is being said. So no, don't correct her. Now saying "Mom that's Shirley" is OK but don't say anymore than that. Because correcting and explaining go thru one ear and out the other. You will frustrate yourself. Her brain is dying. Its damaged. And as each part dies, she will remember less and less. Because the brain controls the body, she will become incontinent. Forget how to bathe, how to do simple things. And it all can happen overnight. My Moms decline was monthly. I think she thought I was her mother at times.

Mom will not be able to learn new things. If she didn't do it before, she can't be taught now. If not already, she will become like a small child. This is a horrible desease. You are going to lose the Mom u knew. TV and dreams are going to become part of her reality. She is going to say things that u consider a lie but thats how her brain is sorting out what "she" sees and hears and how the brain interprets and processes the info. Not how it actually is. So, you just let it go.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Personally I would not correct her because it drains me emotionally. I still have a full-time job and other obligations and I need to preserve my energies for daily pursuits. You mom is losing her abilities to retain information and I realize it is dismaying but you are still reacting to her as if she is her prior self, which is totally natural for all of us. We all have to adjust to cognitive decline by increments on a seemingly daily basis, and it's not easy. I wish you all the best and peace in your heart.
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Reply to Geaton777
NobodyGetsIt Dec 17, 2020
Very well said "Geaton777" and so very, very true!

You are one busy lady and you need all the strength you can get to carry on with those daily responsibilities.

May you too have peace -
Is mom living with sister? Or is mom living by herself? Or in a MC facility?
Does mom have problems recognizing you as a daughter?
One of the things you can do whenever you are greeting someone with any form of dementia is to greet them on their eye level and say "Hi mom, it's me Lidia" your sister should do the same as well.
But your sister is correct there really is no point in correcting someone with dementia. For one great will NEVER win an argument with someone with dementia. An argument will just lead to frustration. It is not a matter of "rocking the boat" a person with dementia does not know they are "wrong" or what they think is not fact.
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Reply to Grandma1954

Dear "Lildavid1,"

Sometimes I think we have to choose our "battles" carefully. My own thinking is to let it go because as you know the disease progresses and your mom won't be able to recognize/remember much more than just that. It's kind of like beating your head against the wall trying to make her see something she's not going to see in the long run.

Also, there may be some days she remembers something and other days she doesn't. When my mom, who is 95 with Alzheimer's, used to get really stressed - it affected her memory even more than on days she was calmer. Heck, that even happens to me at 58!

So I would say to just let things flow naturally, you will face much bigger issues down the line - save yourself some unneeded stress.

Best wishes to you all -
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Reply to NobodyGetsIt

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