I'm starting a new job. How do I explain or ask my new employer about needing to take a parent to an appointment?

Tracy, did you speak with your employer? Do you have any clear idea now of how to move forward? Will you update us when you do? Thinking of you and hoping all goes well with the new job.

A couple of thoughts come to mind. If you don't have a POA, you should try to get one. Once in hand, you can make arrangements with the doctor(s) to have them provide you with written reports of her visits.
A second thought - usable only if the appointments are few and relatively far between, is to do what I did in a similar situation. I was brand new to a job and knew at the outset that we were due in court for an adoption hearing. I told them up front and they were fine with it. Employers (at least in my life) have been sensitive to the need for personal medical care/appointments as well. Caregivers rarely have sufficient evening appointments available to those who work. So . . .

I'd be checking into the wording/materials of benefits for employees. Do you get sick time? Does it have to accrue? Are there so many employees that you have access to use the FMLA? What are the hours of your business? Can you make the time up?
Going down the slope, can you call in sick? I think as an employer I would prefer someone being upfront and honest. In this day and age it is likely someone else is dealing with the same situation. If they can't tolerate it then you may need to find a more flexible job, if your family is the priority, which it sounds like considering you made a move to be closer.
If you can minimize the time away, schedule the appts for the end of the day so you leave just a wee bit earlier and don't lose as much work time, that can help. IF mom can manage appts on her own, then you might want to go to one appt so you can be eye to eye with doc and staff and sign paperwork so that you are allowed to be informed. Then the doc must understand and agree to communicating with you...either you filling him in prior, and/or his calling you are emailing after.
I wouldn't hesitate to point out that it seems your efforts are all for a good goal that will result in dad's being some place safe so that you will be able to work hopefully with less disruption, i.e. that this is temporary. I might have shared the situation at the time of the offer of hire. Good luck...also there is a website or FB page for "working daughter" and she just came out with a book of that title.

I would most certainly speak with your employer about the assessment for your dad. It was (presumably) a preexisting appointment. It isn't clear what your job is, or if you could "make up" the time lost for this assessment or would be allowed to use a vacation day or personal time off (perhaps without pay.) If the current date/time of the assessment is a problem for the employer, ask about rescheduling and work with employer for a better date/time?

As for regular appointments for both mom and dad, I do understand how they might not remember or relay the important information. Most doctors now have "portals" in which they post lab results, notes from exams, etc AND it includes a messaging tool, so you can post questions and they can respond. If you have another way to get them to the appointments (and they are accompanied by someone such as an aide), you can get the doctor's office to post everything they would have said during the appointment. This is even better than being there yourself, as it is documented. If you have concerns, either before or after appointments/results, you can post those in the messaging tool. If the doctor is any good, you will get a quick response (mom's first doc out here wasn't so good about that!!! The replacement is EXCELLENT!) This would eliminate/reduce the need for you to be there/take off time from work and provide you with all the issues/information/results.

IF they don't have a portal, then consider having your parents transported with an aide or someone and have the doctor call you during or after the appointments or provide the results/information via mail (NOT email!) I would also suggest to them that they consider GETTING a portal!!

Assumption is that you have medical POA so they will allow you to have access. Since the parents are living in some kind of facility, they should have a transport system - it will cost extra money to use it and have them provide an aide, but it would be worth it.

Look for family photos in boss' office: Compliment family & note U fortunately have parent...THEN - ask if he/she has parents, grandparents. You'll get a feel for how much family means. Comment how you respect that a person with that much responsibilities at work can also be such a good family Care giver. Then mention That you'd like to request the Time to care for your Parent, Making up any time by coming early or staying late or eating lunch at your desk. If you have a reference that can prove you can do both that's even better. Assure your boss that you will do everything you can to schedule appointments around any important work obligations. You may actually wind up impressing your new boss versus worrying them about your performance. If you can try to come in a little bit early for work through lunch or stay late right away, Your boss will know that you mean what you said And that hiring you as the right decision. Results and performance are what it's all about. Good luck. I was a single working mom and I know how you feel. I now live with my dad, 96.

What I have often done when I need to accompany a family member to an appointment is to say that I need to be at an appointment. Not untrue, but not opening myself up to someone who may not understand why another adult needs this level of aid.

Be up front with your employer & even offer to make up the time if possible - if they are not reasonable then look for a better job because 9 hours a day 5 days a week = 45 hours a week which is a lot unless you really love it - remember your boss has parents too

Be honest - that you have appointment to be at.
Ask about if you need to "make up" the time missed because of appointments.

If you are only going to have infrequent appointments, most employers are reasonable. If you have to be at an appointment every week, you need to explain this to your employer so you can negotiate work and family obligations.

You need to also talk to your parents' doctors about your work commitments. They can easily send you email messages about whatever is covered in visits. Make sure to have a medical power of attorney or legal guardianship established. Otherwise, your parents need to sign consent with each doctor to give them permission to share medical information with you.

I always had to hire a person to take my parents. She provided the transportation, stayed with them during the appointment and reported back to me afterwards.

My job is pretty flexible when it comes to this and lets me come in earlier or stay later if I have to duck out for a couple hours for my mom's appointments. Ask if it is a family friendly workplace, most places want to be seen as having healthy balance between work and personal life.

This is an ongoing problem for employees who must work. I have been there and have had the most difficult times to get even an hour off for emergencies. Given that your father is being placed into a health care facility and there are interviews, etc. I would see this as a one-time problem and would pray that your employer will give you the time off. As to taking time off for your mother's doctor's appointments, that cn be a problem. If there are absolutely no evening hours available, consider changing doctors who do have evenings for people who work or consider hiring someone, such as an aide or caretaker. I doubt your bosses will allow this as doctor's appointments are ongoing and most just don't care. Did you discuss this when you were being hired, probably not as you most likely would not have gotten the job. I hope you have "humane" bosses in your job. Offer without pay or staying later another day to make up the time. But be prepared for a NO answer - cruel but this is what they do. Consider also, do you really want to work at a place with such rigid rules? Good luck.

Sorry, but you must not miss work... It sounds like your mom's gone to Dr by herself before, (& new facility appt for dad can be done as a conference call prob). (Not when ur at work though ). Believe me, the appointments for your parents will never end... (So set this boundary now), & safeguard your job. DON'T miss ANY time at your new job. You will be fired. After you establish yourself as a great employee, (which takes at least 6 months), then you could ask for day off; (with 2wks notice). No offense intended.

1. Make sure you have a legal medical POA.
2. Get copies to all of their doctors.
3. Explain to each provider that you won't be able to come to many appointments and schedule a phone consultation after each one. If the doctor prefers to send you notes that's fine too.
4. Make sure your parents have OLST (orders for life-sustaining treatment) filed for your state.
5. Arrange an account for a transportation service through a local cab company, Lyft or Uber, or a private driver. Using the same driver is preferable for older people.
6. DO NOT trust someone with no legal authority or medical training to transmit information for you. No CNA, GNA or general care assistant can take on this responsibility or liability.
7. Don't be shy about faxing a note to a doctor prior to an appointment about your concerns. Elderly patients are notorious for smiling and saying they are fine to their doctors even after complaining to family members.
8. Verify any needed follow up with the doctor yourself.
Yes, I have done this from both sides!

You could hire a Geriatric Care Manager. Then do a video call with the doctor as long as your new employer doesn't object to this. Maybe you get 20 minute breaks during your work day and if so, that could be the time that you could utilize to connect with the doctor. Best to be honest with your employer and good luck.

Just a suggestion, something I've been doing myself: If your husband is able to take them, have him RECORD the appointment on his smartphone. I use "VOICE MEMO" on my iPhone and just quick turn it on as the doctor enters the room.
I tell the doctor as well, that I'm recording the appointment so that I can go back and listen to it, in order to keep accurate records for my Mom (her medicine, his advice, suggestions, diagnosis, etc.) because it's hard for me to remember all the info as well. Hope this helps.

If your employer isn’t receptive to your taking care of your elders, then consider the following option:
Get medical authority for both your parents and make sure all their doctors have copies. I believe you said they are able to go to appointments on their own. So that part is easy, or you can hire a service to take them when they can’t. Most doctors have patient portals. You can send a message to their doctors ahead of the appointment listing any issues, symptoms, questions that need to be addressed. Another way is to call and talk to the doctor or his/her nurse before the appointment. You can also send a note with your parent. After the appointment, call (or check the portal) and review what the results were.
I’ve been fortunate in that my new job is very receptive of my elder care and allows me to flex my time to take my dad in for medical appointments. I also have an excellent relationship with his doctors, and almost always get the doctors (instead of their nurses) calling me back whenever I have questions.
Reach out and ask. The medical staff are part of your care/support system. They want what’s best for their patients and completely get elder care.

You can Perhaps, Once in a Blue Moon, Take off to do This, But all in All, The boss won' Put up with it, And either Find someone else to Help you or Find a Generous Boss....

It seems as though everyone is putting everything on you ... partly because they are too lazy to write a note. And as far as the care facility wanting you to be at meetings they will have to scan the meeting for when you can be there. Or they can fill you in on it later.... take care of your self and your job otherwise this is going to drag you down till you’re in the same kind position that everyone else is..... hang in there and remember.... if you don’t take care of your self. You will not be able to take care of anyone else

You drop your Husband off with Dad and they BOTH take Uber and your Husband takes the notes.

As far as your Mom, you call the Doctors office in advance and let them know you want a run down on what took place. If they need a signed HIPAA form, so be it. Make it happen.

If nothing else, you can let your employer know of your situation. Hopefully you did during the interview before you took the job. If not, that's on you for not being upfront. Typically, open communication and dialog helps work these things out. Work on being more vocal and assertive about what you need. JMO

Pstracy,

I would be up front with your employer regarding your assisting your family. Let them know that there will be times that you need to take your elderly parent's to thier doctor's appointments. I say this because I am an only child and relocated back to my home state to take over this responsibility from my daughter.

I let employers know from the beginning that my elderly mother would need my assistance for doctor appts and any other emergency that may arise. It was a decision that the employer had to make if they wanted my expertise or they wanted someone that didn't have the type of responsibility that I came with. If there had been problems with them excepting my terms, I would take the job.

Be clear to your employers and in most cases they will be understanding, and if not decide if it is the right place for you.

Can you ask your employer if you can change your work hours to 8-6? I don't know what kind of work you do but some employers may be amenable to allowing an employee work different hours if it helps them do good work on time. That way you can use those 4 hours on a Friday afternoon and leave work early to deal with your parents.

I hire an aide, and when I have to take time off because of emergencies, I lie and say I have a migraine (which I do and could document).

There is more discrimination in my workplace against caregivers than against mothers of preschool age children so I don't have much choice.
My employers don't care -- they would just say to put my mother in a nursing home, which I don't want and can't afford.

I would recommend you apply for intermittent time off it will protect your job .I was told by my supervisor to do that as well .

You just need to be honest. Call dr before you discuss with employer to find out what is the earliest or latest appointment you could make. Then you'll know how much time you are going to ask the employer to be off work. They may let you work through lunch on that day to take off early. If this is a new employment situation, you wouldn't be eligible for FMLA yet. Always make appointments far enough out so that you have appropriate notice to give employer for dates you need off. Or, find someone to take them to doctor and request that doctor call you with speaker phone on so you can participate in conversation. To save time, if employer willing to work with you - have someone else get them to appt and meet them there if that would save you some off time.

I mentioned this on another post.

When my Mom entered an AL it made it harder to get her to doctor appts. I couldn't rely on staff to have her clean and ready. When I got a call that the Dr. wanted to see Mom to go over her tests, I asked if I could come in without her since she would have no idea what was being said anyway. It was explained that this could not be done because Medicare requires the patient be there otherwise the Dr. cannot bill for the visit. Its considered fraud otherwise. Not too many like to tell you over the phone either.