Two weeks ago my boyfriend's mother died from esophigeal cancer. Two weeks before that she was told in the hospital (where she was for a month previous because she couldn't eat anything but liquids because the tumor was blocking the stomach) there was nothing more they could do for her so she came home on hospice.
For two weeks, my boyfriend, his sister and I watched the horrible deterioration of her health. Almost 2 weeks of getting up every hour to give her meds. She was home from the hospital for 5 days before she became irresponsive. Then 8 days of not responding. We basically watched her starve to death and drown from pneumonia. Just within the past couple of days everytime I go to lay down to go to sleep I see images of her laying in bed in her final days so frail and skinny. This was the first time any of us had been there when someone has passed on. My boyfriend and I are 36 and his sister is 33 so we are fairly young to have experienced this. We know we did everything right for her so there is no guilt. I hesitate to talk to them about these images I see in my mind because I don't want to upset them worse then they already are or imbed the image in their mind. The main image I see is when she passed was when she vomited a little and it just sounded like she was drowning and her breathing slowed way down until she passed. It is imprinted in my mind. I am not sure why it finally caught up with me now. I know she is no longer in pain and in heaven. I do have 3 years of good memories with her and try to think of those instead but it doesn't seem to be helping. Any suggestions?