Just left me out of me 12 yo granddaughter's birthday. I am depressed is there any resource for me?

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You need to give more info. Do you eat with daughter and family? Are you expecting too much from daughter. Does she work and then has a home to care for and kids to run here and there. How old are you. If u have a 12 yr old grandchild then I'd assume you r in your 60s? If so and you have ur health, then maybe you need to do ur own thing. Do u have a Church? If not, see if there is one with a bible study. This way you meet some of the congregation or even people from other churches. Volunteer at a shelter. Maybe a nice pt job. Libraries usually have activities going on. Bus trips for Seniors. Get in touch with some single friends. I would find out why you feel your daughter hates you. You need to be ready for the worst. Maybe getting a mediator who can keep things under control. I have a friend that feels it's everyone else, not her.
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Dear Beach,

I'm so sorry to hear how you feel. Family relationships are so hard. There are many resources in the community and through church. Maybe consider calling your town office and see if you can talk to a social worker. Or talk to your family doctor.

I don't know if your daughter is interested in family counselling. Sometimes its hard to get to the truth of an issue. I know you only want to be closer to her and your granddaughter and to feel included. We all do.

Thinking of you and I hope you can find some resources in the community that will help.
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You can call the Area on Aging Agency and ask them to visit you and discuss what alternatives are available for you in your area. Maybe there is a sr center you could visit and be around others more yuur age with similar interests.
Try getting out for a walk daily. Practice deep breathing. Watch your diet. Sometimes just the smallest adjustment can make a difference. Maybe you’ve noticed that nothing has really changed. Same living conditions. Same family. But one day all is well with the world and another day it isn’t.
We get a little blue. Often all that is necessary is to just wait a day or two and we will feel better. If it continues talk to your doctor.
Another thought is to write your granddaughter a letter. Wish her a happy birthday. Tell her a memory from when you were 12 and perhaps one from when yuur daughter was 12. Let her know that you love her.
And do come back and visit this forum. Read through these suggestions and choose one or two to try.
Remember we can’t change others but we can change ourselves.
Answer some of the questions and you’ll get a bit of a therapy session out of your interaction here. We are all on our own paths in life but we deal with similar situations. Remember that you are still a mother. You are still showing your daughter how to mother. You are still a role model for all the women in your family. Whether they know it or not they are influenced by your actions. Let it be a positive thing. Not a criticism of them or a pity party for yourself. Save that for us.
Be the best mom you can be and when you lay your head down you know you’ve done your best.
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Not knowing about the party must have hurt, like living right there with them it would also be embarrassing. I understand.

What is your relationship with your grand-daughter like?

Was it a children's party, and you would have enjoyed just helping out?

You asked about "resources".
For depression?
For another living situation?
For your own set of friends?

How can we help you?
Helpful Answer (1)

What is the evidence that she hates you? Could you provide some examples? The questions others have asked are relevant too.
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I'm sorry for your hurts.

My mother lives with my brother's family, in a separate apartment. Same as yours.

They do not include mother in most events. She has come to understand that they need their "own family" time, and she respects that she will probably not be invited to go "upstairs" to any functions.

She doesn't like being left out of the loop, but in all honesty, she probably wouldn't ENJOY half the antics that a fairly youngish family is up to. Noisy parties, late into the night, etc. Also, you're HER mother, and it is very hard to share space as a grown woman with another grown woman. Case in point: My daughter is due to deliver her 3rd baby early in April. She lives 3000 miles away. I am specifically NOT invited to come when the baby is born and not for several weeks afterwards, likely not even then. Does this hurt!! OMgosh, yes, so much! But I know her, and she and I can only get along when there is a lot of space between us. (Harder still remembering that I was there for the birth of her first and second children, holding down the fort for weeks on end). Her explanation? "Mom, your voice, it's just your voice". (All 4 of my daughters and I sound exactly the same.)

Her MIL will be there. That stings, but I am trying to look at the positive. I get another sweet grandbaby. I will meet him sometime. He's healthy, their family is strong and good....just trying to count my blessings and not be offended when I am excluded.

Maybe your daughter just thinks you want your space and doesn't even think. She's your daughter, try talking to her.
Helpful Answer (6)

Hi Beach. So sorry you feel excluded. However, not knowing the nature of the birthday party, I can't say that it was right or wrong to not include you. When my kids were very young, we would have big birthday parties and invited everyone. But now that they are preteens, they just want to have a few close friends and go out to a trampoline place to jump and eat pizzas, or they want to go to the beach and body surf. Those places are not suitable for older adults because they are too noisy or too difficult to get to (walking on sand is a not an easy walk) The parents of my kids' friends just drop them off and pick them up later. We don't invite any adults.

However, your daughter not talking to you and hating you is a good reason to feel depressed. I don't think you should rely on her for your happiness.  Do you have friends that you can go out with, or outside activities that you participate? I can't change your daughter's attitude towards you, but you can change your expectation of her. 
Helpful Answer (5)

I'm so sorry that happened to you Beach.I'm sure that hurt your feelings.
Like Blannie said,If you tell us a little more,maybe someone will have some ideas to help you.
Take care~ Lu
Helpful Answer (2)

Were other adults included in your granddaughter's birthday celebration? If you give us more information, we can give you better ideas about some steps to take. How old are you and like Countrymouse asked, how much help do you require from your daughter? Do you have other children? What's your relationship with them?
Helpful Answer (3)

I'm sorry that you're feeling depressed, and perhaps rejected, would you say?

How long have you been living in the same home as your daughter and her family? Do you need much help with everyday routines, or do you have any particular care needs?
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