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Also wants me to be a beneficiary when she passes away. She doesn’t have any mental problems, doesn’t have any direct family, just 2 nephews. We have seen attorneys but they have tried to convince her to do different directions, what can we do?

She needs to follow the advice of her attorneys. Tell her you're honored that she has so much faith in you but becoming her POA and getting involved legally would be unprofessional. And it would be, very much so.
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Reply to Eyerishlass
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I completely understand your client with only two nephews may prefer to trust you to take care of her and want you to be her POA and well as leave her estate to you. Leaving everything you have left to the one that accepted the responsibility for end of life care is a very traditional and an honorable arrangement in my part of the world, although usually it is an arrangement between long term friends or family of some type. You have two challenges in this arrangement where your client of more than two years wishes to execute this arrangement. One, you met her as a caregiver when even if she has no mental status issues your client has a dependence issue; she depends on you for vital care that allows her to remain in her home. Two, often family views the caregiver as an employee who is entitled to nothing beyond wages. The family may not be willing to visit or provide much to any emotional support, but usually feel the blood tie is all that's required to be the rightful heirs.

Personally I feel that you cannot accept significant gifts from someone who is dependent on you for their care. Dependency exerts a type of self induced pressure to appease the caregiver even when it is not at all encouraged by the caregiver. I flat out asked my parents for things I wanted after both my parents died when they were in their 50s - dependent on no one and not seeing any dependency anywhere in the near future. You didn't have that opportunity, so you must consider how much impact care giving dependency may be impacting your client's thinking.

Even if the nephews support their aunt in distributing her assets as she wishes, one or both may predecease their aunt and their children may not be so agreeable.

If you are willing to accept the responsibility even if you were no longer the primary care giver, I suggest you accept POA so you can make sure your client has adequate care. I would make sure both nephews are witnesses to that POA, but not the only witnesses.

If the nephews are agreeable, I suggest you have them as additional witnesses to the will and have them provide notarized statements that they agree with their aunt's decision and do not believe you have exerted any undue influence over their aunt. Perhaps the nephews could take their aunt to the attorney meetings?

I do not want to imply any senior in good mental status has less right to distribute her assets any way she wishes than younger adults. My suggestions are based on the problems in the world where younger family members are often focused on getting anything/everything they are "entitled" to without any consideration for the responsibilities or considerations that create a legitimate entitlement.
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Reply to TNtechie
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As eyerishlass said.

Doing this can be construed as financial exploitation, undo duress or a half dozen other things that you really don't want to be accused of. Not saying you are, saying 1 relative complaining and your life will never be the same.

Thank her and encourage her to find a firm that can be a fudiciary for her.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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gdaughter Dec 17, 2018
The attorney should be meeting with the client privately and following their wishes. The client can speak privately and answer questions about duress. The client has the right to make her own decisions as she sees fit if competent.
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Check into getting a geriatric care manager for her to serve as POA. They can oversee a care situation to evaluate for any number of things. They could verify no exploitation if it was ever needed.
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Reply to gladimhere
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So what do her attorneys recommend?

If she doesn't know her nephews well enough to have confidence in them, then she shouldn't give them POA (let alone make them her health care proxies) simply because they're her closest blood relatives. But I agree that you don't want the job either, for all sorts of good reasons; so I also agree that paying a professional is probably the right route. She can always include instructions that you, as her best-informed caregiver, should be consulted about welfare decisions.

What she does in her will is nobody's business but her own. It's her attorneys' job to make sure that it is bomb-proof, that's all.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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You don't want that responsibility. And as said, as a professional its a conflict of interest. She can assign a lawyer. She can do anything she wants in her will as long as the nephews are left a $1 they can't contest the will. I know a woman who cared for a man and he left her a million dollars.
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anonymous867043 Dec 13, 2018
Thanks for the advice, actually the nephews don’t really care about her at all. She also told them she wants to leave me everything and they said that they respect her decision but we don’t see much advices and support from the attorneys that’s why I don’t understand, to be honest If that happens I need the right attorney to help us with this situation
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Oh this is a lawsuit waiting to happen!
This is what I did...
I took my father to the doctor got a letter saying that he was of sound mind.
Took him to the lawyer had him talk to the lawyer as to what he wanted... I stood silent saying nothing... When the papers were drawn up... I took him back to the lawyers had them notarized and that is my safety net.
It seems like you do not want this responsibility...
So if I were you I would call the nephews set up a meeting with them, the lawyer, and the person you are caring for and let them hash it out at the lawyers office without you. Maybe they can suggest another person for the roles needed.
Good Luck!
hgn
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Many years ago I was faced with this question, both by the patient and her family. I admitted I was new to this and would have to learn but I was highly honored and loved her and her family. I said yes and took care of her for 28 years and I am so glad I did because I learned more than I could have learned in a lifetime going to school and as a result, ended up helping her and her family, and myself by learning what I did, and then going on to teach other people what to do and how to do it. It was not easy, especially in the beginning, because I had endless problems dumped in my life because of scammers (friends) but in the end all was well. She got to live a wonderful life, we were like mother and daughter, and I loved what I was doing and knew I was appreciated. And, yes, I was a beneficiary. Now I am doing the same thing for two old friends of 50 years who don't have any money but I love my job that I am doing for them. They are extremely happy and at peace and I know I am very much appreciated. I would do it again and be honored to do it for someone if asked. That shows how much they value and respect me.
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Isthisrealyreal Dec 17, 2018
That is wonderful but the world is an entirely different place now.

What was, is not any longer.

Tall to any attorney who handles estate work and you will know that any person can contest a will or a trust, getting anything is a different story. But the cockroaches come out of the woodwork when someone dies and there is anything to be gained.

It is a sick situation but it exists and we should all plan and prepare for that to be what happens when we die.
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It's hard for us, forum members, to know and understand the relationship that you have with this woman. I had a friend who cared for an elderly couple who had no children. They left her everything they had. They loved her and she loved them.
On the other hand, my mother in law tries to buy peoples love and many people over the years, friends and care givers, have taken advantage of this "personality defect". Up to this moment. I spoke with MIL Friday and she is buying Christmas presents for her care giver, his mother and his aunt. (she often calls her cousin for money after she spends all hers). Questionable behavior on the part of the care giver, but my husband says "let it go". The care givers mother said "you are family now!" (Makes me suspicious but she doesn't want our help so it is what it is.)
Perhaps your client's attorney could be the POA but she could make you beneficiary. That way things are more above board.
Just my thoughts.
God bless.
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anonymous867043 Dec 19, 2018
Thank you formyour words
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I still say find a legal firm that does fudiciary, it will ensure anything she does for you is protected by it being done right.

You can go online to www.nefl.com and find a certified elder law attorney in your area. They have special training to deal with these very issues. The certification will be from NELA, it will be the best money she spends and they will give you a free consultation to help you understand how they function.
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anonymous867043 Dec 19, 2018
This is what I was looking for thank you
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