Also wants me to be a beneficiary when she passes away. She doesn’t have any mental problems, doesn’t have any direct family, just 2 nephews. We have seen attorneys but they have tried to convince her to do different directions, what can we do?
listen to those who recommend that you talk to a lawyer specializing in elder care. One issue is her competency? That may be the biggest issue/ A lawyer plus a doctor would be the best ones to give you the answers as to what can and should be done. what about her living will? does she have one? if so, who is the one designated to act?
I completely understand your client with only two nephews may prefer to trust you to take care of her and want you to be her POA and well as leave her estate to you. Leaving everything you have left to the one that accepted the responsibility for end of life care is a very traditional and an honorable arrangement in my part of the world, although usually it is an arrangement between long term friends or family of some type. You have two challenges in this arrangement where your client of more than two years wishes to execute this arrangement. One, you met her as a caregiver when even if she has no mental status issues your client has a dependence issue; she depends on you for vital care that allows her to remain in her home. Two, often family views the caregiver as an employee who is entitled to nothing beyond wages. The family may not be willing to visit or provide much to any emotional support, but usually feel the blood tie is all that's required to be the rightful heirs.
Personally I feel that you cannot accept significant gifts from someone who is dependent on you for their care. Dependency exerts a type of self induced pressure to appease the caregiver even when it is not at all encouraged by the caregiver. I flat out asked my parents for things I wanted after both my parents died when they were in their 50s - dependent on no one and not seeing any dependency anywhere in the near future. You didn't have that opportunity, so you must consider how much impact care giving dependency may be impacting your client's thinking.
Even if the nephews support their aunt in distributing her assets as she wishes, one or both may predecease their aunt and their children may not be so agreeable.
If you are willing to accept the responsibility even if you were no longer the primary care giver, I suggest you accept POA so you can make sure your client has adequate care. I would make sure both nephews are witnesses to that POA, but not the only witnesses.
If the nephews are agreeable, I suggest you have them as additional witnesses to the will and have them provide notarized statements that they agree with their aunt's decision and do not believe you have exerted any undue influence over their aunt. Perhaps the nephews could take their aunt to the attorney meetings?
I do not want to imply any senior in good mental status has less right to distribute her assets any way she wishes than younger adults. My suggestions are based on the problems in the world where younger family members are often focused on getting anything/everything they are "entitled" to without any consideration for the responsibilities or considerations that create a legitimate entitlement.
I still say find a legal firm that does fudiciary, it will ensure anything she does for you is protected by it being done right.
You can go online to www.nefl.com and find a certified elder law attorney in your area. They have special training to deal with these very issues. The certification will be from NELA, it will be the best money she spends and they will give you a free consultation to help you understand how they function.
It's hard for us, forum members, to know and understand the relationship that you have with this woman. I had a friend who cared for an elderly couple who had no children. They left her everything they had. They loved her and she loved them. On the other hand, my mother in law tries to buy peoples love and many people over the years, friends and care givers, have taken advantage of this "personality defect". Up to this moment. I spoke with MIL Friday and she is buying Christmas presents for her care giver, his mother and his aunt. (she often calls her cousin for money after she spends all hers). Questionable behavior on the part of the care giver, but my husband says "let it go". The care givers mother said "you are family now!" (Makes me suspicious but she doesn't want our help so it is what it is.) Perhaps your client's attorney could be the POA but she could make you beneficiary. That way things are more above board. Just my thoughts. God bless.
Many years ago I was faced with this question, both by the patient and her family. I admitted I was new to this and would have to learn but I was highly honored and loved her and her family. I said yes and took care of her for 28 years and I am so glad I did because I learned more than I could have learned in a lifetime going to school and as a result, ended up helping her and her family, and myself by learning what I did, and then going on to teach other people what to do and how to do it. It was not easy, especially in the beginning, because I had endless problems dumped in my life because of scammers (friends) but in the end all was well. She got to live a wonderful life, we were like mother and daughter, and I loved what I was doing and knew I was appreciated. And, yes, I was a beneficiary. Now I am doing the same thing for two old friends of 50 years who don't have any money but I love my job that I am doing for them. They are extremely happy and at peace and I know I am very much appreciated. I would do it again and be honored to do it for someone if asked. That shows how much they value and respect me.
That is wonderful but the world is an entirely different place now.
What was, is not any longer.
Tall to any attorney who handles estate work and you will know that any person can contest a will or a trust, getting anything is a different story. But the cockroaches come out of the woodwork when someone dies and there is anything to be gained.
It is a sick situation but it exists and we should all plan and prepare for that to be what happens when we die.
Oh this is a lawsuit waiting to happen! This is what I did... I took my father to the doctor got a letter saying that he was of sound mind. Took him to the lawyer had him talk to the lawyer as to what he wanted... I stood silent saying nothing... When the papers were drawn up... I took him back to the lawyers had them notarized and that is my safety net. It seems like you do not want this responsibility... So if I were you I would call the nephews set up a meeting with them, the lawyer, and the person you are caring for and let them hash it out at the lawyers office without you. Maybe they can suggest another person for the roles needed. Good Luck! hgn
Not reading the other answers first...here is a response from the gut. The world is so cynical at this time, that I would guess an attorney would be quick to jump to a conclusion that you as caregiver might be out to exploit the situation. Even I as a devoted and protective daughter, who took the time to seek out the very best elder law attorney this town supposedly had to offer, clearly made a mistake in offering too much info, the attorney failed to educate my naive father, and his decisions lacked forethought. In the end she mucked something up we had to pay to have redone (for one sentence!!!), she ripped us off, and we wound up with someone who was REALLY good.
Now, the other side is that from the facts you state, this woman truly wants you to be her (or one of her) beneficiaries. There is an obvious conflict of interest in appearances, but I firmly believe each one of us has autonomy which should be respected. Probably this would have been handled better if she kept her thoughts to herself and privately arranged a meeting with her attorney and you kept out of it and had no knowledge. But it's too late for that.
EVEN if you accompany her to an appointment, an ethical attorney would probably meet privately with her. And her wishes should be respected. My guess is you just have not found the right attorney yet. I say this having faith and making the assumption you truly are a decent human being who has been a good caregiver and will stick with her and advocate for her. Not to mention that wills can be changed. I would say to be aware though if her only family is limited to those nephews, be prepared for them to contest it unless they are clearly mentioned and left something...
That sounds pretty vague, actually... you don't come right out and state that you WANT to be the beneficiary of her estate. If you do, then as others have said you can be just that... though be prepared for a fight if family members come out of the woodwork and contest the will. Especially if you are also her POA.
If you don't want to accept her generosity, encourage her to leave it to a legitimate charity, or perhaps create a scholarship fund in her name.
If she doesn't know her nephews well enough to have confidence in them, then she shouldn't give them POA (let alone make them her health care proxies) simply because they're her closest blood relatives. But I agree that you don't want the job either, for all sorts of good reasons; so I also agree that paying a professional is probably the right route. She can always include instructions that you, as her best-informed caregiver, should be consulted about welfare decisions.
What she does in her will is nobody's business but her own. It's her attorneys' job to make sure that it is bomb-proof, that's all.
You don't need to be the POA to be the beneficiary of her will. The POA expires the minute the person dies and the executor takes over. It would not be wise for you to be the POA and start accepting money from her in advance of her death. And yes, it could be seen as exploitation for you to be the beneficiary in a new will, but if the attorney POA believes the woman is competent, and if the nephews make a statement that they won't contest, then a new will could be written with you as the beneficiary. She can have a "no contest" will that is enforceable in many states. If she wills the nephews some money, then they can't contest the will or they lose their own inheritance. Sounds like you don't need it, but it could be a safer way to draw up the will.
Check into getting a geriatric care manager for her to serve as POA. They can oversee a care situation to evaluate for any number of things. They could verify no exploitation if it was ever needed.
You don't want that responsibility. And as said, as a professional its a conflict of interest. She can assign a lawyer. She can do anything she wants in her will as long as the nephews are left a $1 they can't contest the will. I know a woman who cared for a man and he left her a million dollars.
Thanks for the advice, actually the nephews don’t really care about her at all. She also told them she wants to leave me everything and they said that they respect her decision but we don’t see much advices and support from the attorneys that’s why I don’t understand, to be honest If that happens I need the right attorney to help us with this situation
Doing this can be construed as financial exploitation, undo duress or a half dozen other things that you really don't want to be accused of. Not saying you are, saying 1 relative complaining and your life will never be the same.
Thank her and encourage her to find a firm that can be a fudiciary for her.
The attorney should be meeting with the client privately and following their wishes. The client can speak privately and answer questions about duress. The client has the right to make her own decisions as she sees fit if competent.
She needs to follow the advice of her attorneys. Tell her you're honored that she has so much faith in you but becoming her POA and getting involved legally would be unprofessional. And it would be, very much so.
Personally I feel that you cannot accept significant gifts from someone who is dependent on you for their care. Dependency exerts a type of self induced pressure to appease the caregiver even when it is not at all encouraged by the caregiver. I flat out asked my parents for things I wanted after both my parents died when they were in their 50s - dependent on no one and not seeing any dependency anywhere in the near future. You didn't have that opportunity, so you must consider how much impact care giving dependency may be impacting your client's thinking.
Even if the nephews support their aunt in distributing her assets as she wishes, one or both may predecease their aunt and their children may not be so agreeable.
If you are willing to accept the responsibility even if you were no longer the primary care giver, I suggest you accept POA so you can make sure your client has adequate care. I would make sure both nephews are witnesses to that POA, but not the only witnesses.
If the nephews are agreeable, I suggest you have them as additional witnesses to the will and have them provide notarized statements that they agree with their aunt's decision and do not believe you have exerted any undue influence over their aunt. Perhaps the nephews could take their aunt to the attorney meetings?
I do not want to imply any senior in good mental status has less right to distribute her assets any way she wishes than younger adults. My suggestions are based on the problems in the world where younger family members are often focused on getting anything/everything they are "entitled" to without any consideration for the responsibilities or considerations that create a legitimate entitlement.
You can go online to www.nefl.com and find a certified elder law attorney in your area. They have special training to deal with these very issues. The certification will be from NELA, it will be the best money she spends and they will give you a free consultation to help you understand how they function.
On the other hand, my mother in law tries to buy peoples love and many people over the years, friends and care givers, have taken advantage of this "personality defect". Up to this moment. I spoke with MIL Friday and she is buying Christmas presents for her care giver, his mother and his aunt. (she often calls her cousin for money after she spends all hers). Questionable behavior on the part of the care giver, but my husband says "let it go". The care givers mother said "you are family now!" (Makes me suspicious but she doesn't want our help so it is what it is.)
Perhaps your client's attorney could be the POA but she could make you beneficiary. That way things are more above board.
Just my thoughts.
God bless.
What was, is not any longer.
Tall to any attorney who handles estate work and you will know that any person can contest a will or a trust, getting anything is a different story. But the cockroaches come out of the woodwork when someone dies and there is anything to be gained.
It is a sick situation but it exists and we should all plan and prepare for that to be what happens when we die.
This is what I did...
I took my father to the doctor got a letter saying that he was of sound mind.
Took him to the lawyer had him talk to the lawyer as to what he wanted... I stood silent saying nothing... When the papers were drawn up... I took him back to the lawyers had them notarized and that is my safety net.
It seems like you do not want this responsibility...
So if I were you I would call the nephews set up a meeting with them, the lawyer, and the person you are caring for and let them hash it out at the lawyers office without you. Maybe they can suggest another person for the roles needed.
Good Luck!
hgn
Now, the other side is that from the facts you state, this woman truly wants you to be her (or one of her) beneficiaries. There is an obvious conflict of interest in appearances, but I firmly believe each one of us has autonomy which should be respected. Probably this would have been handled better if she kept her thoughts to herself and privately arranged a meeting with her attorney and you kept out of it and had no knowledge. But it's too late for that.
EVEN if you accompany her to an appointment, an ethical attorney would probably meet privately with her. And her wishes should be respected. My guess is you just have not found the right attorney yet. I say this having faith and making the assumption you truly are a decent human being who has been a good caregiver and will stick with her and advocate for her. Not to mention that wills can be changed. I would say to be aware though if her only family is limited to those nephews, be prepared for them to contest it unless they are clearly mentioned and left something...
Good luck.
That sounds pretty vague, actually... you don't come right out and state that you WANT to be the beneficiary of her estate. If you do, then as others have said you can be just that... though be prepared for a fight if family members come out of the woodwork and contest the will. Especially if you are also her POA.
If you don't want to accept her generosity, encourage her to leave it to a legitimate charity, or perhaps create a scholarship fund in her name.
If she doesn't know her nephews well enough to have confidence in them, then she shouldn't give them POA (let alone make them her health care proxies) simply because they're her closest blood relatives. But I agree that you don't want the job either, for all sorts of good reasons; so I also agree that paying a professional is probably the right route. She can always include instructions that you, as her best-informed caregiver, should be consulted about welfare decisions.
What she does in her will is nobody's business but her own. It's her attorneys' job to make sure that it is bomb-proof, that's all.
Doing this can be construed as financial exploitation, undo duress or a half dozen other things that you really don't want to be accused of. Not saying you are, saying 1 relative complaining and your life will never be the same.
Thank her and encourage her to find a firm that can be a fudiciary for her.