Says, where is Mary? when "Mary" is standing right there!

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You can't reason with him. He has lost that ability. Grandma and Kantankorus said it very well.

I remember just before my Dad died. My daughter, an RN, was helping him get ready for bed. (She was his first grandchild and because I worked, he and Mom watched her for me. So they were close.) He was giving her a little trouble. She said "PopPop its R" he said "no ur not R is a little girl".

I am with Grandma, ur husband is remembering you as a younger version. You are going to have to just play along. His brain is dying little by little. He can't help how is mind is working.
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Reply to JoAnn29

We are going thru this right now. I am the upstairs girl ( we live in a one story house), the maid, an old girlfriend from 65 years ago, and/or the bed mate.
I keep telling him that there is only the 2 of us and the dog in the house. He agrees and then 5 mins later, he will ask if I know where the upstairs girl went. I keep trying to remind him who I am, as a gauge of when he will need to go to MC.
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Reply to Maple3044
JoAnn29 Apr 17, 2021
Sounds to me he could be placed in an MC now. Wait too long, he may need LTC. MCs are limited in the care they can give.
This might not even be related to PD.
There were several times when I had my Husband out shopping and he would follow someone thinking it was me. I used to joke that when he followed a woman with long dark hair he was thinking it was me in my 20's, when he followed a heavier set woman with shorter hair that was me in my 40's and if he ever started following a gray haired man that was me in my 60's.
He would also stand in the aisle of the store and I would ask he what he was looking for and he would say..."I am looking for my wife"..I would say, "well I will walk with you until we find her" I would then leave the cart and we would walk out to the car. As soon as he saw the car he was fine, would get in and that was it. (By the way I would never leave refrigerated or frozen stuff in the cart)

So if he says..."where is Mary" ask about Mary. Engage him in conversation about Mary. What does she look like? What does she like? If you are out in a store you can try the same thing I did. Often back in the car that he is familiar with it will reassure him, and when you are sitting next to him then things might feel more "normal" to him.
But I would not "stress" or "aggravate" him by insisting you are Mary.

lastly if this is new I would make sure his doctor is aware and if there is an increase in confusion or delusions/hallucinations make sure the doctor is also aware of the increase.
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Reply to Grandma1954

Something to realize is that eyes are not like camera lenses. In fact, they are remarkably poor from how little information they receive as light enters the retina.
But we do have remarkable brains which associate these small scraps of information against retained memory and a healthy dose of assumption (not infallible by any means - consider 'eye witness' accounts, for instance).
Without this cognition, the mind relies even more on stored information by default, often invalidating visual stimulus in favor of current thoughts/delusion. We can also do this ourselves when engrossed in an activity but quickly return to reality after some hasty sensory processing.
When your husband asks "Where's Mary?", he probably can't see you in his mind (not recalling that you may have had lunch together or been for a walk means he will be disoriented on where you last were - there will be a void).
Simply reassuring him that you are right here, and maybe updating what you were doing most recently together, can prompt some recollection to put you back in context (I find that memory hasn't 'vanished' and a few reminders can trigger enough awareness to be reassuring).
The more difficult issue might be reconciling your feeling invisible - I know how confronting this is and it still catches me off guard at times. Perhaps accepting that in many ways your husband is suffering 'blindness' (although with presumably healthy vision) and approaching things on this basis might help minimize your distress.
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Reply to Kantankorus
mimi46 Apr 25, 2021
Thank you
There is no reasoning when someone has dementia. Sometimes it's just best to go along with what they're saying instead of trying to argue with them.(as you'll never win) So next time he asks where Mary is, you can tell him she ran to the store but will be back shortly. These are what folks in the dementia/Alzheimer's world call "fiblets." They certainly come in handy at times. Best wishes.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to funkygrandma59

Some of the medications that improve PD hallucinations actually make the gait worse and some things that improve the gait make the hallucinations worse. I wish I had the answer to Parkinson's, but I don't, nor does anyone else. I am sorry you are both going through this.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

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