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You tell them that they are going to respite for a week because you are unwell and your doctor told you that you must now have at least a weeks rest.
While this is happening you assess how much longer you can continue in care that now requires several shifts with several people on each for responsible safe care.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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You tell them whatever you find best in the moment, with very little advance notice so you don’t have to repeat it over and over or watch the person have continuous angst about it. Please remind yourself it’s for the best for you both
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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You can tell them a therapeutic fib: that work needs to be done on the house and it won't be safe/comfortable for a while: bug bombing, electrical/plumbing/heat or ac will be turned off, etc. Whatever narrative you think will keep them calm and peaceful.
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Reply to Geaton777
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No matter what you say it probably will not mean much or be retained for long.
"There is work that needs to be done in the house and no one can be here while it is being done" that can be plumbing work, painting, exterminating bugs, what ever reason sounds good.

"I have a meeting out of town and you are going to have to stay at Sunshine Villa while I am gone"

"My sister (or friend) is having surgery and they need me to help out"

But again probably nothing you say will ease the move
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Reply to Grandma1954
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How about this?
You don’t need to lie
just say you’re taking a vacation even though the vacation is actually from your loved one. If they asked where you going, just say you’re not sure yet because you don’t know everything you’ll be doing that week
you didn’t totally plan it out
You’re not lying since we do all kinds of different things each day
it works because we’ve done it
assure them it’s temporary and when you’ll pick them up
enjoy your time off
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Reply to lynn1992
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You may also want to consider, with your time off, if you want them to come back home.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You are going on a required trip so they are too.
Only you know whether giving 24 hour notice is better or a couple days is better. My mother - I would tell her 24 hours before that she was going to visit the place she will go when Dad leaves as it is required of the place (a fib), pack her and go.
My dad (if his team wasn't available) - I would tell him 2-3 days ahead that his casino days would not be "messed" up, one of his team would be with him for a couple hours every day, but he needed to behave while he was there.
I simply say "I won't be available" "all your team is sick or ...." and so I've arranged a safe place for X number of days. When it is safe, we'll return.
For my dad, that would leave room for us to change stuff if we needed - like leave him where we temporarily placed. OR something else.
Bottom line - do NOT tell them you need a vacation or time out or something that sounds like you are leaving them. You are following doctor's orders and you will be back. Most are afraid of abandonment, so you deal with those issues. AND KNOW YOU are successful when you walk out the door to your respite. YOU are WORTHY of care AND you will be better off when you return. Take care of yourself first, then you have the energy etc. to take care of others.
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Reply to RainbowHeart
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You’re going on Holiday
soneone will be looking after you until you return
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Reply to Jenny10
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Hello jb5891. This is a difficult situation. I'm sorry it is something you have to figure out especially when you are probably emptied of emotional resources.

You and your loved one will be OK.

Maybe you can imagine how you would explain to a highly anxious child that you have arranged for him or her to go to camp for a week. Highly anxious kids need a ton of reassurance and tend to do better if they know their parents are "friends" with the people who will be looking after them.

The more you trust that you are doing the right thing for both of you, the better you'll be able to communicate how your time away is an act of love.

God bless your kind heart.
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Reply to VVinAshland
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We keep small white boards from the dollar store near mom's bed. One is updated at least weekly w a caregiver schedule so she knows who's w her during the day whole I'm at work. Also include what bathing activities are to take place or e.g. doc apptmt. She does review that multiple times. (Was suggestion by speech therapist.) Then another board has other relevant messages as they come up and when I have to travel for work, about a week before I write when that is, where I'm going, what day she goes and comes home, same for dog, so she doesn't worry there. We now (20 mos into my primary cg role) don't usually discuss it til day before or day of. I go 5-6 times a year. She can l9ok at that board many times leading up to the trip. I also take the boards w to the respite. Use one like in hosp to write day, date, nurse on duty and the other to write where I am and when she goes home. She can review that often. This all means I repeat myself was less often, and she can work on accepting it before we have to go. Way less upset day of this way.
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Reply to Kermit
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