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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
You tell them that they are going to respite for a week because you are unwell and your doctor told you that you must now have at least a weeks rest. While this is happening you assess how much longer you can continue in care that now requires several shifts with several people on each for responsible safe care.
You tell them whatever you find best in the moment, with very little advance notice so you don’t have to repeat it over and over or watch the person have continuous angst about it. Please remind yourself it’s for the best for you both
You can tell them a therapeutic fib: that work needs to be done on the house and it won't be safe/comfortable for a while: bug bombing, electrical/plumbing/heat or ac will be turned off, etc. Whatever narrative you think will keep them calm and peaceful.
No matter what you say it probably will not mean much or be retained for long. "There is work that needs to be done in the house and no one can be here while it is being done" that can be plumbing work, painting, exterminating bugs, what ever reason sounds good.
"I have a meeting out of town and you are going to have to stay at Sunshine Villa while I am gone"
"My sister (or friend) is having surgery and they need me to help out"
But again probably nothing you say will ease the move
How about this? You don’t need to lie just say you’re taking a vacation even though the vacation is actually from your loved one. If they asked where you going, just say you’re not sure yet because you don’t know everything you’ll be doing that week you didn’t totally plan it out You’re not lying since we do all kinds of different things each day it works because we’ve done it assure them it’s temporary and when you’ll pick them up enjoy your time off
You are going on a required trip so they are too. Only you know whether giving 24 hour notice is better or a couple days is better. My mother - I would tell her 24 hours before that she was going to visit the place she will go when Dad leaves as it is required of the place (a fib), pack her and go. My dad (if his team wasn't available) - I would tell him 2-3 days ahead that his casino days would not be "messed" up, one of his team would be with him for a couple hours every day, but he needed to behave while he was there. I simply say "I won't be available" "all your team is sick or ...." and so I've arranged a safe place for X number of days. When it is safe, we'll return. For my dad, that would leave room for us to change stuff if we needed - like leave him where we temporarily placed. OR something else. Bottom line - do NOT tell them you need a vacation or time out or something that sounds like you are leaving them. You are following doctor's orders and you will be back. Most are afraid of abandonment, so you deal with those issues. AND KNOW YOU are successful when you walk out the door to your respite. YOU are WORTHY of care AND you will be better off when you return. Take care of yourself first, then you have the energy etc. to take care of others.
Hello jb5891. This is a difficult situation. I'm sorry it is something you have to figure out especially when you are probably emptied of emotional resources.
You and your loved one will be OK.
Maybe you can imagine how you would explain to a highly anxious child that you have arranged for him or her to go to camp for a week. Highly anxious kids need a ton of reassurance and tend to do better if they know their parents are "friends" with the people who will be looking after them.
The more you trust that you are doing the right thing for both of you, the better you'll be able to communicate how your time away is an act of love.
We keep small white boards from the dollar store near mom's bed. One is updated at least weekly w a caregiver schedule so she knows who's w her during the day whole I'm at work. Also include what bathing activities are to take place or e.g. doc apptmt. She does review that multiple times. (Was suggestion by speech therapist.) Then another board has other relevant messages as they come up and when I have to travel for work, about a week before I write when that is, where I'm going, what day she goes and comes home, same for dog, so she doesn't worry there. We now (20 mos into my primary cg role) don't usually discuss it til day before or day of. I go 5-6 times a year. She can l9ok at that board many times leading up to the trip. I also take the boards w to the respite. Use one like in hosp to write day, date, nurse on duty and the other to write where I am and when she goes home. She can review that often. This all means I repeat myself was less often, and she can work on accepting it before we have to go. Way less upset day of this way.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
While this is happening you assess how much longer you can continue in care that now requires several shifts with several people on each for responsible safe care.
"There is work that needs to be done in the house and no one can be here while it is being done" that can be plumbing work, painting, exterminating bugs, what ever reason sounds good.
"I have a meeting out of town and you are going to have to stay at Sunshine Villa while I am gone"
"My sister (or friend) is having surgery and they need me to help out"
But again probably nothing you say will ease the move
You don’t need to lie
just say you’re taking a vacation even though the vacation is actually from your loved one. If they asked where you going, just say you’re not sure yet because you don’t know everything you’ll be doing that week
you didn’t totally plan it out
You’re not lying since we do all kinds of different things each day
it works because we’ve done it
assure them it’s temporary and when you’ll pick them up
enjoy your time off
Only you know whether giving 24 hour notice is better or a couple days is better. My mother - I would tell her 24 hours before that she was going to visit the place she will go when Dad leaves as it is required of the place (a fib), pack her and go.
My dad (if his team wasn't available) - I would tell him 2-3 days ahead that his casino days would not be "messed" up, one of his team would be with him for a couple hours every day, but he needed to behave while he was there.
I simply say "I won't be available" "all your team is sick or ...." and so I've arranged a safe place for X number of days. When it is safe, we'll return.
For my dad, that would leave room for us to change stuff if we needed - like leave him where we temporarily placed. OR something else.
Bottom line - do NOT tell them you need a vacation or time out or something that sounds like you are leaving them. You are following doctor's orders and you will be back. Most are afraid of abandonment, so you deal with those issues. AND KNOW YOU are successful when you walk out the door to your respite. YOU are WORTHY of care AND you will be better off when you return. Take care of yourself first, then you have the energy etc. to take care of others.
soneone will be looking after you until you return
You and your loved one will be OK.
Maybe you can imagine how you would explain to a highly anxious child that you have arranged for him or her to go to camp for a week. Highly anxious kids need a ton of reassurance and tend to do better if they know their parents are "friends" with the people who will be looking after them.
The more you trust that you are doing the right thing for both of you, the better you'll be able to communicate how your time away is an act of love.
God bless your kind heart.
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