I don’t have kids and I look at both of my grandmothers and they didn’t prepare for their age and they didn’t qualify to get a caregiver and one was in the hospital with a stroke and was kicked out before she was able to heal and we had to rush to find something and she refused to go to a nursing home. It was just a lot of not being prepared and not having anything prepared.

So, how I can prepare for my old age so that I am not a burden on people if, I do hope I don’t get to that but never know, to make sure that I don’t have to rely on my family for help. I have decided that I only want quality time with my family and don’t want that ruined by them having care for me. I look at my grandma and I see that they could have prepared better. I also want to able to spend time with my family and thrown into a nursing home. I want it to where it could be easy for my family like if I made it to hospital and not be able to be on my own I want them to be able to not worried because they are told that everything in terms of my care has been taken care of. I look at my mom and she is exhausted taking care of my grandma. I was hoping I can get a guide if there was some kind of insurance or fund because I don’t know where to start.

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The thing is that made me mad is that my grandma got to travel, get married and live her life and didn’t have to care for her parents but she expects my mom and the rest of the family to sacrifice and work hard when there are better option and she doesn’t make it easy.. She has money but refuses to spend any, we hired caregivers but she fired them, she could get better but she is stubborn and refuses to help herself, I was staying with her but I had to leave because she and the family was cruel and hateful (I will not go too much into it). The thing is that she could have plan for it and had opportunity and we even talked about it but she refused. It just makes me mad because she is slowly killing my mom and taking away her freedom she has left and she is doing it on purpose

she wants to get all this remodeling done to her house and doesn’t want to pay for it but want family do it. It’s just horrible that they can make caring for them easy. She always brag about how she enjoyed her life when she was our age and we can’t because she wants to fire the caregivers
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I really don't like "they didn't plan for old age". My parents were born just before the depression. Then there was a War. My Dad made a living wage but wanted Mom to stay home and raise the 4 kids. He worked shift work. Then when Dad turned 50 the place shut down and with his bad heart, he couldn't get another job so went on SSD. My parents lived from pay to pay their whole life. There was no extra money for savings. So I think its unfair to blame people for not planning. What is unfair is that they spend their money for things not needed, travel etc and expect their children to care for them because now they have no money. Not once did my parents say, you are caring for me. Dad never thought he'd live as long as he did. I don't think Mom did either.

Life is ever changing. You can plan and things happen. You get sick and all ur money goes for Medical bills. Health insurance does not cover everything. MS is a very expensive desease. A spouse dies, with them goes an income. So you dip into savings to meet the bills.

What our elderly need to realize is that they may need to compromise and as we see on this forum some feel they have the right to have it their way. Not so when your decisions and needs effect someone elses lives. I don't like the word "owe". We owe no one anything but maybe money we borrowed. But I do feel that family should be there for support. (This does not count for those who have been abused and are still being abused) We can support our parents by helping them find the resources they need to stay independent. Helping them when taking care of finances start being a problem. The compromise comes in when parents need to realize that they can't keep that home anymore because they can no longer do the upkeep. That downsizing is better for them. That its not up to the children to mow the lawn and do the painting etc. They have lives of their own and both usually work. But we can help them move to a better place and clean out the old.

It comes down to, how can I stay as independent as possible so my children can live their lives. To me this means if my house is no longer practical then I move to an apartment or an AL if I need help with care. That I use the senior bus for shopping or appts instead of expecting my kids to take time off of work. That I make sure I have assigned POAs and everything is in order. I have a Will. That my personal papers are in one place for easy access.

Change is hard for all of us especially for the elderly. But if we are going to continue to live till our 80s and into our 90s there will be changes because our care needs change. And that we will need to compromise to stay independent.
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Daughterof1930 Dec 2020
Well said JoAnn! It’s very true that you can’t plan for every scenario. My parents also never had much, lived frugally, and still saved only a little. The income just wasn’t there. And they definitely made sacrifices for both their parents and us as children. They bought long term care insurance for my mother, couldn’t afford it for both of them. When she required nursing home care that “excellent” policy lasted under a year before it was completely exhausted and there was no choice left but for Medicaid to pay for her care. That policy only put off the time until Medicaid and wasted my parents money in premiums.
There are steps you can take.
If you are lucky Long Term Care Insurance is a great Option. It hurts yearly when I have to make that payment. I am lucky to have found an insurance that, in the event I don't have to use it the policy will convert to a life insurance and will pay out to beneficiaries.
If you are in a situation now where you can afford a Continuing Care Community where you can enter Independent Living then as needed transition to AL then MC or Skilled Nursing. Whatever is needed.
Important things like staying healthy, don't do stupid things like climbing ladders. Asking for help when you need it. (I write this while I am sitting here still achy after shoveling my drive and sidewalk and still have not finished the sidewalk!)
At some point you have to break "promises" that were made to loved ones that beg you to "never put me in a home...never put me in a nursing home...promise that you will take care of me" and all the other pleas. Your mom, if she is caring for your grandma should heed this as well. Caring for someone can literally kill you. Everyone is cautions now about COVID and that is not going to change so if anyone is waiting until it "goes away" or "until it is safe" or "the vaccine is given" these are going to be long waits. So don't wait.
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Arp1754, if you haven't already, speak to an Elder Law Attorney. This Attorney can guide you on what paperwork is needed, and give you ideas on how to set things up for the future.

I have prepared what I call a red 3-ring binder with all kinds of question and my answers. Such as where do I want to live if I find my house too much work for me? Where do I want my final resting place? Who gets all the family tree binders that I created? Who will get my 25 year old Jeep? Etc.

There is long-term-care insurance but it is very expensive. My boss was paying about $5k yearly for said insurance but passed in the hospital never using the insurance.

I had set up 401(k) when I was fully employed and the company matched dollar for dollar, so I had a nice nest egg that is still growing a decade after I had left the company. I also bought stock in various companies decades ago that have grown in value plus good dividends. The stock can be a risk if anything shakes the stock market to its core[ ie, 09/11/2001].

Senior facilities are so much nicer than what Grandmother may have seen if any of her older relatives couldn't be cared for at home. Back then they were county asylums, not the best of environments. Today's senior facilities are like hotels.
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Short of having a LOT of money saved, there are few ways to prepare for age. There is certainly getting all forms in place now for DPOA, will, Trust if you have property you would like in trust, POA for health care documents. That will ensure someone watches over you when you cannot.
What we WANT and what is possible is almost all directly connected to the amount of money we have in old age. We often don't worry about that until too late. How long you can stay independent will depend largely on how well you stay, so do all the right things with good diet, exercise, and preventative care.
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