In August, my mom fell in her apartment, that she's been living in alone since my stepdad died. At first, she refused to go to the hospital, but I finally convinced her to go. Good thing that she did go, because she had a pulmonary embolism, pneumonia, blood clots in both legs and COPD. She also suffers from lupus and ra, plus needs a hip replacement, that she refused surgery years ago. In the hospital they suggested that she go to rehab, and at first, she refused. Luckily, my son convinced her to go, and she's been there ever since. My husband and I work full-time, plus my mom can be a handful, she was diagnosed bi-polar years ago. Serious mood swings.
In rehab, she wasn't making much progress, and not able to lift herself; bedridden. I decided to have her transferred to long-term because she had plateaued and still not able to transfer herself, and this decision was made after her Medicare denied her claim for another month. The thing is, is that she wants to go home, because she hates the nursing home, I think she hates the idea of being in the nursing home. She can't live alone anymore, and she needs the 24-hour care, and plus I had to give up her apartment to pay for the nursing home. That was the only way to pay for her care was to get her on Medicaid, because she was already on Social Security
I have been following the advice of others on this forum and trying to avoid the guilt and hoping and praying that she would adjust. I set boundaries with the phone calls, because she has really laid on the guilt these past weeks. My anxiety and stress levels have been through the roof.
I thought I was finally making progress, when I spoke to her Friday, and she was telling me about her new friends, and how good the food was at the NH. But my problem is the outside. Out of town relatives that are calling her. She was talking a lot to them, when she was isolating herself in her room. I spoke with the NH social workers and nurses about getting her out of her room to socialize more with the other residents. My mom is very social and talkative, a true extrovert. But since she is not in her room as much, I'm starting to get phone calls my relatives and my mom's friends, because I was setting my boundaries, she was calling them, complaining about the NH. Which is a shame because the NH staff have been very helpful and accommodating. My mom accidentally called my voicemail and I heard her in her room and how helpful the nurse was with assisting her with her cell phone. Mind you, this was during the time she was complaining about the staff, she doesn't know that I heard her conversation.
But I digress, as I said, she was complaining to relatives and now I'm getting the phone calls. I know my mom asked them to come get her from the nursing home, and some of them gave her false hope of letting her live with them.
Friday I spoke to her and she said she was making friends at the NH, soon as I thought I could be at ease, another relative called today and said that she's been trying to call her, I told her that she was probably socializing out of her room, and she was okay!
But the thing is, I'm afraid that my mom is going to start back again about how much she wants out of the nursing home if they keep calling. I'm trying to be nice, but I think I may go off, and if another one of them ask why she can't live with you, I may scream! I get their concern, but I work full-time, and honestly, I can't handle the lifting and changing of diapers, and my mom’s personality. Also let me add, that I'm an only child. Any advice is appreciated and thanks for the vent.