My mom lives with me, 89. She does not drive anymore and this Covid has closed her one outlet which is Bingo with her friends. She is in house all day. She watches tv and talks to her friends on phone I am happy for that.
She is a sensitive loving mom and literally cries at the drop of a hat although her personality errs on side of extreme bossiness as well. I tried talking to her about boundaries but she always goes back to her old ways. We end up having words and I ALWAYS feel guilty after that. I want to feel good about myself and find more often than not feeling awful of myself as a person ongoingly. Mom has a way of pressing old buttons. I try to bite my tongue. There is so much history between us that goes back to my childhood that it is extremely difficult. Her memory is now very poor and she forgets much I what I presently say. My brother does not help me he suffers from a mental disorder so I feel much alone. I find myself trying to avoid her at home. She is always requesting something I do for her which puts me on the defense. I can’t simply have a conversation w my mom which I would love. She tends to talk at me. I am always on the defense and it takes us down the road of arguing. She always says she doesn’t mean it that way. I begin the boundary conversation again it lasts shortly and then right back to her old way. When I left home as a young adult it was the same and now that she is with me 40 yrs later nothing has changed. It pretty much picks up where it left off. I am grateful for my mom but this (feeling bad) of myself as a person for saying things to her I wish I rather had not is extremely difficult. She has been with me now 9 yrs.