How do I remove or reduce the smell of stale urine in Mother's home?


Mother has grown quite incontinent and despite having a supra pubic catheter placed, she still "leaks". She wears a pad, but doesn't change it often. It IS a hassle, I know. Also, she cleans out one catheter bag and doesn't get all the urine out. Then she hangs it up in the bathroom, with maybe a tablespoon or more of stale urine in it. She leaves the soaked pads in the bathroom also. She's had a couple of "overflows" on the carpeted areas, on her bed, though she does have a waterproof sheet, and also on her recliner. She just gets more and more of those "automatic" spray room fresheners in all different scents! They go off every 15 minutes to cover the smell, but upon walking into her apartment, you just get slammed with the stale urine smell.
I've cleaned the bathroom and carpet and recliner, but the smell just seems to seep into everything. Brother, whose home her apartment is in, refuses to replace the flooring with hardwood, so she has mostly carpet.
The smell is just gaggy. I've used pet cleaners, vinegar, organic cleaners and they all work for a few days, but then the smell comes back. Mother refuses to open windows, even on the nicest days. When I clean, I open them all and ignore her.
I'm sure her clothing now is all "soaked" to a point as well. She does her own laundry and is always immaculately groomed, but she smells, too.
She is aware of the smell, hence the room fresheners, but the root cause may be the incompletely emptied catheter bags combined with wet pads. She doesn't take her own trash out and the only thing I have ever said to her is "Mom, one of your room fresheners just spritzed me in the face."
I'm embarrassed for her, and the other siblings don't visit, so maybe this is just something I have to deal with? Oh, she also has 2 cocktails in the kitchen, adding their own special brand of funk and feathers. Gag. And occasionally, one of my brother's dogs will escape into mother's place and pee on the carpet and when I clean it, the water is sludgy black and thick. And holy moly does it stink!!

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I'm absolutely getting nowhere. I have tried and tried to clean this place and used to be allowed to do more--Mother is now just insistent that she's fine and to leave things be. Weekly she brings in more junk--- Brother is in complete denial.
It's not worth the energy to try to help either of them. I will still visit Mother and do the one or two things she *allows* me to do. This is the end. I can't bear the smell of her place, she doesn't care, obviously, and her beginnings of dementia are all too evident to expect anything to change for the better.
I agree, she is living in pretty filthy conditions, but it's by her choice. Brother, to be fair, is totally sick of her living there, and has a really twisted relationship with her. I am the only other sib who routinely visits. Lucky for me I have a very busy summer with many weeks of being out of state. I am going to clean the carpet and throw out some plants. Brother promised he'd wash the birds and power wash their cage. His word is as good as tissue paper.
Once again, I try to help, or fix a simple problem and once again I am shot down and told I am "butting in".
After next week, I will happily "butt out".
When mother begins to really go downhill, I will be there, I won't abandon her, but I truly give up trying to *help* her.

Hopefully, tho, all the comments and suggestions I received will help someone else.
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If you are getting nowhere, I would up and walk away and just go no contact with your family. That will be tough to do but you can do it, your mother and brother are not worth your health. Let them both pay for their actions or inactions. People are going to be PO'ed but that's not your concern. You say that your mother is safe but she isn't, she is living in filth and your brother isn't doing a damned thing about it and looking to you to deal with it.
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Friends--thanks for all the support.
Going to close this down now. Had 'the talk' with brother and mother (separately). He WILL NOT allow linoleum to be laid in his home. End of discussion. He also will not allow mother to have a new floor at all. He has the wood flooring ready to be laid after she dies. End of discussion.
Talking to mother, just a face to face sit down--she knows he place smells and that's why she has all the air fresheners going. She does not care if her birds and now crawling with mites and pooping all over the place as they are her "family". As I was talking to her about this, I caught a random tiny feather in my eye. Within minutes my eye was almost swollen shut.) I told her that I was willing to come clean, but she needed to be OK with me actually "touching" her stuff. She will allow the small length of carpet to be cleaned and she knows the dogs have peed there. I cannot touch her recliner. I cannot move anything. I can repot the dead plants (???) but I can't take anything out of her place. She has lost all trust in me.
I did try to point out that the health hazards to her of breathing in the room freshener spray all day and night is bad for her lungs and breathing in the stuff from the birds was also really bad for her and she said "I'm going to just die then, no one will care!" I sat there silently, because obviously she was trying to manipulate me into saying "Oh no! I don't want you to die!!" And I'm not falling for that.
So, I will take a giant step back and let her and brother enjoy their weirdly bound-together world.
And, after an hour with her--I REALLY began to see the dementia is taking hold. She told me a story about my dad really loving a nephews wife and how much he loved their reception, etc. I think my mouth was hanging open--I said "Mother, Ben got married 7 years ago, Daddy died almost 13 years ago, he was not there." She insisted he was. Since he was 100% bedbound the last 18 months of his life, he never even MET my last 3 in law kids. Yet Mother insists how much he enjoyed all their weddings.
Having not really dealt up close and personal with dementia--this is a new norm. She is sweeter, but only for a while. Then she'll get nasty and mean.
I care too much. I will do what I can (basically nothing) or I may actually DO nothing. Brother is impossible to work with and I cannot even get a straight answer out of mother any more, I see that.

So--thanks to all of you for your support and answers. Venting was helpful, now I am once again stepping back and out of the picture for a bit. My intentions are good, but unwelcome. Mother is safe, she is not in real danger and since none of the other sibs seem concerned, I'm going to let go of this.
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I've found odorxit products to be the best. The owner, goes beyond by listing every kind of problem and how to solve them. He even explains when no product will work and when things just need replacing and how! Those nasty urine crystals can hide everywhere. Since your problem is on going like mine, he helped with with how to keep things under control, so I could have friends over again. And how to do it spending the least amount of money. Best of all you can apply the principles to other products. I'm just do grateful, I found him.
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My mother has been in my home for nearly a year now and I must confess that the smell of stale urine in terrible. I use febreze stray to combat it. So far it's the best thing I can suggest. It really works just as advertised on TV. Try some and wash the whole area with cleaning solution and spray that on last. Keeping her mindful that it's important to bath and wash her clothes will help as well. Once a person has these issues it takes a strong individual to see and held all these things and make it happen. It's not easy!
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We use puppy pee pads on all the furniture and bedding.
Also use a dehumidifier to get the moisture out especially after each cleaning. This can be the cause of lingering odor - moisture that stays deep in the carpet, fabric or cushions. Also when possible, on a low humidity, (windy day even better) day - set things outside in the sun.
Whenever possible get vinyl covered furniture (we just bought a hospital recliner style chair at a yard sale).
Vinegar, pet urine removers, etc. keep using them all.
Powder carpet fresheners, allowed to sit on the fabric for a while can help sometimes.
And when all else fails, if company is coming - light some scented candles for the visit.

Also add white vinegar and baking soda to the laundry. (separately - it foams up)
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My favorite: Bac-Out by biokleen (I get it from my local natural food market but it is available online at biokleenhome).
Runner up: from Earth Friendly Products, Natural Pet Formuls Dtain and Odor Remover. Also from natural food market or online at ecos

These are great.
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Not sure how old your mom is but good for her she is cleaning the urine bag herself. Make sure you let her know she is doing a great job. You may want to try one of those baby diaper trash containers that have the odor blockers for the urine pads.
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Vinyl sheet goods is the answer. We are care givers to my mother-in-law and an uncle. After the leaks from urine and the trails of diarrhea in our new rugs at 4am, we had to find a better solution.
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Realistically-- and I DO have to be real about this problem--what I want implemented and what I can "maneuver" into being implemented are going to be 2 entirely different things.

Small steps. Mother would NEVER, and I mean NEVER allow her things to be stored for one day--everything will have to be moved into the adjacent communal living room. IF I can talk brother into replacing the floor, it will be the kitchen and hallway. Period. She has so much stuff packed into every nook and cranny. We just need to address the carpet and the birds and the cath bags not being cleaned.
Talked to mother today, she was in high spirits as she just got all her lab work done and she is evidently in great shape! Dr says she'll live 10 more years (oh, dear lord......) She does have some dementia, so I will wait to hear what the dr really said.
I told her "hey, it's time for Spring cleaning! I'm going to come do your windows and replace some potting soil and wash down the birdcage, OK?" She was so happy about the drs tests she was all "Sure, fine, whatever". So I will go up while she's away at Bingo this week and get a start.

I am going to go over brother's head and appeal to the older brother who is mother's POA--(which means not a whole lot right now)--and if he says we need to replace the floors, it will happen. I try not to get him too involved, he prefers to stay in the shadows and not make waves.

Will clean the floors and the recliner and try to purge stuff I know she doesn't even know she has. It's a tight rope I walk, her place is never clean--but it has to be hygienic..whether she likes it or not.

Without question his wife notices the smells. Mom's front door opens into their hallway. SIL NEVER goes into mother's place.
Will approach other issues as time allows--getting her outside help, Meals on Wheels, maybe, she loves people coming and going and fussing her. It's brother who stops the "party". (That's a discussion for a whole other forum--they have a very weird and kind of sick dynamic.)
Thanks again!! I hope all this has helped somebody else, besides me!
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