How important is it for an elderly parent to have a diagnosis for memory loss?

"Must she be told she has dementia or Alzheimer's?"

There are many ways to say so. Honesty does not have to be blunt or cruel. Eg You have good health in these areas.. ABC. Your short term memory is not as good as it was. This can worsen with age. Let's aim to add in more help as you need in the future.

I heard a very blunt Doctor once tell his patient;
"You are 90. Your brain scan shows a 90 year old brain".
The patient just shrugged & nodded. With a look like *fair enough!*
He made no further comment.

"..can handle all her ADLs".

For now. Start planning for when she can't. Having a supportive & loving family is a blessing. A caring approach is wonderful - just add in the practical too.

I think they should know even if they forget the next day. Moms Neurologist sat down in front of her, looked her in the eye and told her. A few days later she told me there was an article in the paper about the thing the doctor told her she had. There was an article on Dementia.

A diagnosis will help know what kind she has so she gets the right meds.

Your Mom will not be able to continue to live alone. If your not living with her 24/7 you may not be seeing her sundowning that happens late afternoon early evening. She may put a pot on the stove and forget it. She may start wandering. Dementia is very unpredictable.

Never promise anything! If you have to say something, just say, "I will do my best."

Gracie, can we start with a few questions?
Who is mom's POA at present? Has she designated one? Has she done a will and an advance directive?

One of the important reasons for diagnosis would be that, if your mom is failing and entering into a time when she may no longer be competent in her own protection, nor capable of judging her safety to live alone, she will need a family member to act for her protection. Now is the time when she must appoint people to act for her if the time comes she cannot act in her own behalf.

This is a time of high anxiety. Allow your mom to express this and don't negate her feelings of worry. Assure her you will all be there to support her in every step of her life. Don't lie to her. Cushion the truth as gently as you are able, but this is, imho a time for honesty. Anxiety is normal. When you think of it, cradle to grave, there are many passages in our lives that cause us pain and worry. This is just another one.

My mother had dementia, lived in Memory Care Assisted Living when it became advanced, and still did not believe it if the doctors told her why she was needing to live there! Everyone ELSE was crazy, She was fine. She also took no meds specifically for dementia bc there really aren't any that will slow down the progression. Only meds to treat anxiety or specific symptoms related to the dementia. A diagnosis is helpful to know what's happening, but not vital to her treatment since there isn't any!

https://www.dementiacarers.ca/when-the-person-with-dementia-doesnt-know-they-have-limitations-anosognosia/

The truth is, your mom is not in good health with dementia and now needs to use her LTC insurance she's paid handsomely for all this time, to get in home help before a crisis occurs. Help with cooking, cleaning, showers etc will be needed as time goes on and memory loss becomes more profound.

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

ThUnderstanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.

The full copy of her book is available here:

https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2

Best of luck to you!

The most important reason to have a diagnosis I can see is if she is uncooperative about receiving help and you or someone has a jumping or durable POA that needs a diagnosis to be in effect. The most important reason not to get a diagnosis yet is if her legal paperwork isn’t all set, POA/DPOA, health care directives, will etc can’t be done once she has a formal diagnosis so make sure that’s all done first.

My mom has had 2 Nuro-psyc exams post stroke. I wish she had had one prior to the stroke so we had a baseline but it was never mentioned. I don’t believe a “type” of dementia can be diagnosed simply with one of these exams and in our case they referred to memory loss and logical thinking rather than labeling it dementia. Now in our case Mom has aphasia resulting from the stroke so it was difficult in some areas to know wether the problem was her getting the words out correctly or her actual thinking which is why it would have been helpful to have one of these prior to the stroke. The results and result consultation with the examiner focused more on her areas of strength and areas of concern when it came to her living alone again and on her own. We of course knew she couldn’t be as independent as she had been prior but this gave us all a place to go from and her the information based on the exam rather than her kids. She couldn’t reason out calling the fire department for instance if there were a fire or calling one of us never mind a service if she had no heat in the winter, she was unsafe on her own. It also helped solidify why she wasn’t going to be able to drive again. The other thing it did is show areas of improvement with speech therapy and time as well as areas of backslide from the prior exam.

If you are interested in exploring possible medications to help slow progression or help anxiety from our experience a Geriatric Psycatrist or therapist is the way to go (she had been on depression medication for many years prior to stroke) and if you are looking for an actual diagnosis of type and progression of dementia a neurologist will need to be involved I think for combining brain scans and symptoms but the cat is definitely out of the bag wit a neurologist doing a through exam. The neurologist was the only one who came rite out made it clear to Mom he assumed she has dementia. Somehow the label is far harder to hear and she argued with him and left in tears, everyone else including us refer to her thinking, memory issues as being since the stroke. She accepts that she has cognitive issues but as a result of the stroke like her speech, this is not a lie aphasia affects her brain but we know she also has dementia going on, in the end it doesn’t really matter what’s the source or type is the fact is she has cognitive issues and we work from there.

Get the POA before the diagnosis. Our lawyer had to have a private conversation with my dad before allowing him to sign. Any signs of dementia and she wouldn’t have let us proceed. Luckily we did it at the first signs. He totally understood what he was doing.

Most folks are more than aware that they're having memory issues, and often prefer to live in denial about it.
And most folks your moms age do have some memory issues just due to old age.
If she is diagnosed with some form of dementia, you don't have to share that with her if you think it will upset her.
My late husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2018, and I never told him. He knew things were "off" with himself, but I don't think he knew he had dementia, and I was ok with that.

My parents were in their 90s when diagnosed and were never told. Neither ever had a brain scan, but it was clear from affect and actions that they had dementia.

In their case it was the right way for doctors to handle it as they had 24/7 care in the home already due to other issues. I was never in doubt once their symptoms started and I’m no expert, but the difference from normal is profound. They were no longer the same people and I didn’t expect them to be.

I am a realist in other areas of my life, so it carried over.

Also, some POAs are not in effect till a doctor/s have declared the person incompetent to make informed decisions.