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Send, you may be on to something. Maybe the wife has discovered a "Husband Compliance Drug" and she's sneaking it in my beer! That's got to be it cause I'm constantly finding myself doing crap I don't want to do. There can be no other answer. So I'll post this question: HOW CAN I TELL IF WIFE IS DRUGGING ME TO MAKE ME DO STUFF....
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Windy, when you find out, bottle it and you will be a multi-billionaire :)
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Hmmmm.. she's got you cooking, doing dishes, cleaning and (gasp!) doing laundry? That's a sure sign that you've been drugged.

I wonder if your wife can adapt it to elders.

Come to think of it, I'd like a Neighbor Compliance Drug as well.
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Windy, The drugs you mention as a possibility would be too expensive vs. the cost of hiring out 'the things your wife wants you to do'. Since your wife is not stupid (evidence: she married you), she is probably using some sort of 'behavior modification' to get you to do things for her.
As a wife, I never used behavior modification because I found that asking a man to do anything he doesn't want to do results in a really messed up job with broken things and other damages. Men are really smart too.
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Garden, the artist: Just thinking how many drugs and how expensive it is for the wife to take enough drugs to tolerate begging your husband to do things instead of hiring out those chores? There must be a better way. Like sharing the chores, sharing the beer?
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Windy, apologies in advance, should never joke about something as serious as marriage.
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Sendme2help, wish I knew about that decades ago... I would have started burning dinners and messing up meals so that someone else would do the dreaded cooking. How clever.
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Fregflyer, Never thought of doing that on purpose, cause I too have had to eat the same meals all these years. When someone starts a thread about cooking 3 meals a day and they are tired, I understand!
Love joking around with all of you! Think now that I am in over my head and regret playing with Windy, cause there will be hell to pay, he'll have a really great snappy comeback, and I already feel guilty for asking my husband for help, now that I just cannot do it all myself.
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Guess I'll go try and burn something for lunch now.
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Case in point: We could enjoy swordfish, grilled-on-the-hibachi, tonight for dinner, but I am not going to ask that he clean it. That would be too hard because it got rusty left out in the rain.
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Hiring a chef, now that would be excellent!
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Yes....Lots of stress and pressure when you're a perfect husband. That's what God made beer for. Although my 2 ex wives may not agree with the perfect husband remark........
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Windy, Are you kidding? Your ex-wives probably think you are the perfect husband, now that you're divorced.

No, really, on a more serious note, don't you think a perfect husband should be married to a perfect wife, or does that just not happen?
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Sorry, just cannot be serious on a Saturday evening.
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The perfect husband maryring the perfect wife does happen... ask Donald Trump :P
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Gershen, "Are you comfortably fending for yourself so that you won't become a burden?" may well be the next question the paramedics ask, right after they ask,
"You have a dnr, your wife is screaming 'save my husband!', and if the patient could answer, the paramedics are there, because???!!!!
Serious situations require serious humor, put in a way that serious circumstances can be planned for ahead of time. I appreciate your humor, Gershen.
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Fregflyer, what about asking dt's wives? When he announced, gave his financial status after being fired by Serta after donald counting the sheep commercial, I had two questions: Aren't you worried your ex-wives will ask for more alimony? And two: Quoting the last line in the commercial: Donald says to the sheep: "Where's your dignity?"
Donald talking to sheep, get it?
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Older, but not necessarily wiser, caregiving has changed the way I view life:
I am much more cynical now.
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^..^ ^..^ Two cats.
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Perfect husbands should be cloned. Better than trying to clone extinct mammals. Or are perfect husbands really extinct?
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My preference is the humble man, who admits he is a promise breaker instead of a promise keeper. And, he lies, but everybody lies, he is just honest about lying.....and so on and so on, and before I start lying, we are going for a walk, together.
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No, Garden Artist, perfect husbands are not extinct, tgey are just not perfect, because they stink like everybody else.
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Sendme, you just smashed my image of the perfect husband who could cook 3 meals a day while I garden, and still be willing to do the dishes and clean the house.
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Garden, what can I say?
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I have decided that the idea of living longer is not necessarily a good thing. I think quality of life is more important than quantity after you reach a certain age. I am caring for my 89 year old mom who has dementia, blindness and leukemia. Thank goodness I have found great caregivers to help me....ti would be impossible on my own. It is humbling and saddening to watch someone who was a vital, dynamic person sink into the abyss of old age and dementia. It makes me stop and take stock of my life and how I am living it, as none of us are guaranteed tomorrow or even healthy twilight years. Aging is mean and unfair to most people and can be so very trying for us caregivers, no matter how much we love our parents and want to help. I have realized that I have to put my nuclear family first (hubby and kids) and establish healthy boundaries in my caregiving role with Mom, or I will jeopardize my own mental, emotional and physical health. My mom always put Dad and us kids before her parents....that was her priority and now it is mine. Its a hard call when Mom is so demanding and, as a pleaser, I want to make everyone happy. But can only do what I can do and preserve my own sanity and the healthy balance with my own family. It's hard, period. And I'm almost to the point of believing that all these lifesaving/extending measures we think are so wonderful are not the best idea, once someone reaches a certain point in their life, where the quality is gone. Why extend the misery for the person and the stress for the family, emotionally and financially? A controversial issue which has given me pause to rethink my ideals......
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Well said, TSM.......
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TSM, very insightful and meaningful post.

I'm wondering if as the current group of caregivers moves into our own years of needing care that we'll be more aggressive in lobbying and demanding more rights for medical and legal support to make the decisions we feel appropriate, rather than as you so poignantly describe, "sink into the abyss of old age and dementia".
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I wish the older people would make more noise. What I'm seeing around me is that people are becoming more "conservative" as they age. People that have SS and a little pension seem to be satisfied not to rock the boat until they are very old and don't have enough money to pay NH care. Then no one listens to them, because they are so old. I have a feeling that it will be the people who are 40-60s who have the voice.

It is a sad thing that some people don't have enough to live on even earlier in life. What they tend to get is a cluck-cluck, shoulda worked harder and saved. No one listens to the poor.

So it is up to the middle class 40-60 year olds, I guess.
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BTW, I am all the time talking about getting the cost of medicine and elder care down. The usual response is something along the line, "Sounds good but it ain't gonna happen." Perhaps the best we can do is make a difference in our own communities in some way.
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I looked at a AL facility where I live. If I had two years upfront to put Mom there and the Medicaid takes over, it would cost between 120k and 184k for Moms care depending on what kind of assistance she would need. If the house sells, Mom wouldn't even make the 120k. House is in as is condition and will be lucky if we get 50k.
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