Follow
Share

My 75 year old SO is now in a SNF and having wonderful care. She has improved physically and mentally immensely since being there. Now she is crying, begging, promising ANYTHING if I will just get her out and bring her home. On the other hand, she doesn't believe there is anything wrong with her that pain medication can't handle. We went through this exact same scenario 4 months ago. It took less than 2 days for her to refuse any meds except pain med. She says that now it would be different. Past performance says no. She accuses me of not caring any more, punishing her, wanting to get rid of her. That is no where near the truth. I am totally alone without her and I miss her terribly. How can I convince her she needs the care she is receiving.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Thank you all for caring enough to share your experience and knowledge with me. I get to feeling so very alone that I feel I might lose my mind. Just got home from another session of crying, begging and promises. She can't understand I am NOT punishing her. I want her to have the best care possible.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I know it's very difficult, but you have to put her welfare first and she is not able to comprehend her condition. I say tell her whatever works for the moment. Often they will not recall what you may have said the day before, so each day is a new approach.

Back when my loved one first went into assisted living, I would tell her that the doctor was monitoring her progress and that when she was to a certain point she would come home. I said that every time and she accepted it, but she would forget that explanation and ask a few minutes later. Eventually she forgot she had a home and hardly ever says that now. If she kept asking during my visit, I would try to redirect her by walking around the facility and asking her about various residents, looking at tv, walking outside, pointing out things in a magazine, sorting out her closet, anything to change her focus.

You have to learn to not allow the pleas to torment you. She had no more business living alone in her home than a 5 year-old child, but she couldn't see that. She said her neighbors could take care of her. She could not understand that her neighbors offered zero help to her. So, I had to insist that she stayed in a safe place where her meds were administered and she was well fed and cared for. It brought me great satisfaction, because I knew it the right thing to do and is she were in her right mind, she would know that too.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Unfortunately you can't talk and/or reason with someone who has dementia. The only way to convince her that she needs to be right where she is is to leave her where she is. You won't be able to verbally convince her because her reasoning skills are affected by the dementia.

I know it's hard when she's begging you to take her home and I'm sure you must have a lump in your throat and tears in your eyes when you leave but you are doing the best you can for her. If you could care for her at home you would but you can't. Now all you can do is visit her and make sure she knows you love her.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

When the accusations start, end the conversation. Hang up, walk out, whatever you need to do, but get away. Even with dementia she will figure out that nasty behavior pushes you away. Only you can stop her abuse.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Dementia is a wild ride. My Mom is always asking to go home, but to her "home" is her childhood home, not that house that she and Dad had lived the past 30 years. I picked up on that when Mom [98] asked to go see her Mom and her siblings [all have passed on].

As for convincing her that she needs the care she is receiving, sorry but one cannot convince a person with dementia of anything, all you can do is redirect the conversion to something else. Otherwise it will be a losing argument.

What I do with my Mom any time she asks to go home I will say "tomorrow".... I found using very short sentences and just one word is enough for her to understand and accept.

Please note you are doing THE best thing possible for your sig other having her in a skilled nursing facility, because with the Staff this isn't their first rodeo, they know what to do. Otherwise if your brought her home, you would need to hire skilled caregivers for around the clock care. And seeing her like that 24 hours a day would do damage to your own health.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.